When our oldest daughter was about two months old, my husband and I were chatting with a dear couple at church about how the lack of sleep and constant crying was catching up with us, causing the dark circles under our eyes and sluggish demeanor. They nodded in sincere understanding, then causally (and somewhat jokingly) said, “Just wait until she’s a teenager!” At that time, they had four children, two of which were teenagers, and looked pretty exhausted themselves.
Yet, as a new mom, the thought of having a teenager was the furthest thing from my mind. I guess I also figured that the typical stereotypes and challenges that come with the teen years might change by the time mine got to be that age. Ha! Silly me. I will also sadly and embarrassingly admit that I thought my kids would be different. In my momma’s heart, I figured that I would be such an incredible mom that my darlings would somehow sail into the teen years without pushing boundaries, retorting with quick-witted or smart-aleck responses, and wouldn’t dare turn into those “hormonal mini monsters.”
Well, God humbled me!
Now as a mom of two teens and a nine-year-old, I will say that I totally get the sly sarcasm in the comment our friends shared all those years ago. There is no way I could have prepared for these crucial and ever-changing years, and to be honest, I am still in no way cut out for this! Raising teenagers is a wild ride, and it comes with so many unexpected twists and turns, bumps and blunders, and highs and lows that it can seriously cause some major whiplash! Sure, there are glimmers of hope! But before we get to that, let’s unpack why these years can be so brutally difficult and maybe give you a little encouragement in the meantime that simply says you’re not alone.
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One minute, you’re looking down at your darling as they cling to your leg in the grocery store, and the next thing you know, you’re looking up to meet their eyes as you remind them of their curfew. They respond with a deep voice that is practically unrecognizable and fly out the door with loud and uncontrollable groans and grumbles. Ugh. Between rapid growth spurts, blotchy skin, crazy mood swings, and becoming nocturnal animals, there is nothing else to blame for their unruly behavior and awkward changes other than hormones. So, breathe and try to remember that we went through these changes, and this is all part of God’s design (Psalm 139:14).
While teens naturally tend to be a little self-centered, they are also desperately searching for answers about who they are. Even if they grew up in church and a faith-filled home, they may begin to question their faith or at least try to make it their own. There are many voices speaking to them and clamoring for their attention, and they are more than likely to entertain it all. Between social media, friend influences, and outside world views, unfortunately, your voice will become drowned out and not seem as important as it once did. They will likely make heartbreaking choices or claim things that go against everything you have taught them with new negative emotions emerging. Oh, but do take heart, they will come back to the foundation you once set before them in God’s timing. So, continue to be there to listen, all while guiding them back to absolute truth (2 Corinthians 6:18).
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Their friends are their lifeline right now and all that pretty much matters. They will choose their friends over spending time with you more than likely. Trust me, it’s normal. That said, their friends are also going through massive mental, emotional, and physical changes and may pressure your kiddo to do things that may be out of the norm. Not only that but there is drama that tends to unfold easily in these years as they test the waters with new relationships, especially of the opposite sex. This can all be so hard to witness, but we must extend mercy and grace to our teens while also pointing them back to what God says about our relationships (Ephesians 5:21-33 and Proverbs 27:9).
The closer they get to being an adult, the more they will crave independence and freedom – from you! Try not to take this personally. It’s so hard, I know because I am in the thick of it with you. This can be a bittersweet time as you watch your teen take those steps to be free and fly, all while thinking that eighteen years of age seems too young to be considered a legal adult. Yet, this is when we must pull back and trust God and His plan for them (Jeremiah 29:11). When we want to hold on too tightly. It can cause them to push away even more, so try to step into the role of being their biggest cheerleader and encourage them to chase their dreams.
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Teens can be stupidly naïve. I mean that with all sincerity. Teens will try new things and get out of their comfort zone because they can, and they truly don’t see any harm in it. In fact, they eagerly embrace thrills that may give us utter anxiety because they are young and invincible! With the lack of years on their side, this is truly what they think and believe. After all, you only live once, right? We’ve all been there. We were teens once, too, remember? So, while your teen will push boundaries and likely test limits and your patience, try to stay humble and firm in delivering a message that tells them you deeply care about their choices and the nature of their heart (Proverbs 12:1).
When I was a new mom the support groups seemed to be endless, between the church reaching out and gathering in groups to all the timely playdates. Then, as our children got older, we got involved in school activities that always kept us busy and involved with other families. However, as my girls got into high school (while they were super busy), everyone seemed to be going in different directions, and there was little to no connection. I felt (and still feel at times) very isolated in this season. If you haven’t noticed, the support groups and encouragement for parents with teenagers seem to be missing. However, this is probably when we need support the most. So, we can’t just idly stand by and wade these years out; it’s too much of an emotional roller coaster for that. We need others to join us on this crazy ride! If you are doing this solo, reach out to a trusted friend and lean on one another, or invite some friends with teens over and pray for each other. Remember that iron sharpens iron (Proverbs 27:17).
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Above all else, we mustn’t discount the power of our prayers! If you can’t seem to find the strength to do anything else, live on a prayer, my friend! Here’s a prayer you can whisper up every time you find yourself overwhelmed with emotion, taken back by unruly conduct, or just in a place where the crazy meets a precious moment of joy as you see your precious child slowly becoming the man or woman God is calling them to be.
Faithful Father,
I come before You with a heart full of gratitude and thank you for the gift of my son/daughter, (name). I know that You have big plans for his life, and I entrust that You are leading and guiding, providing and protecting, and caring for his every need. Even in the most difficult of moments, I know You have my son safe in Your loving arms.
Lord, I ask that You keep speaking into my son’s heart, reminding him who he is in You. Please place precious friends in his life to learn and grow from and give him the wisdom and clarity to make good decisions. When he fails and slips into the ways of this world, I ask that the power of the Holy Spirit bring conviction upon him and awaken his mind to the truth that is found in Your Word.
God, I also graciously ask that You grant me the strength in these formative years to boldly speak truth into his live and to have a heart of compassion and mercy. I ask all this in Your holy name.
Amen.
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