Is there anything sweeter than a true and honest friendship? The kind of friend that you can share life with and be able to open up your raw and somewhat messy heart knowing there won’t be judgment, only sincere understanding, wrapped with wisdom and grace.
The truth is, we all need good friends. But even more, we were created for this tender kind of relationship because we were never meant to do this life alone. God made us for so much more, and He gives us the blessing and precious gift of friendship to be able to understand the depths of His love.
Fellow brother or sister, we serve a relational God and He lays out for us in His Word a hierarchy for our relationships. First and foremost, God wants a connection with us, as He deeply desires to be in tune with our hearts, mind, and soul (Deuteronomy 6:4). As for our human relations, God gives us the gift found in the sacred union of marriage and blesses a man and woman when they stand before Him, say their vows, and profess their commitment to one another (Genesis 2:24). Our gracious God gives us the blessings of children and calls us to raise them up in the faith (Psalm 127:4). He also gives us relationships with our parents and extended family, commanding us to honor, respect, and care for our family members (Ephesians 6:2-3, 1 Timothy 5:8).
Yet, when it comes to friendship, God shares with us in His Word how to choose our friends wisely (Proverbs 12:26), how to be a good friend (Romans 12:10), and why this relationship is so invaluable to us as believers (Proverbs 27:9). So, what are the markings of a Biblically good friend? Grab your Bible and let’s dig in so we can discover what God has to say!
A Good Friend Walks by Faith
"As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." - Proverbs 27:17
Jesus often sent His disciples out two by two into the mission field. This could have been for a number of reasons, including their safety, but because we serve a God that holds a greater plan and a deeper purpose, maybe it was also used for their spiritual growth. He knew as two “brothers” would come together and serve Him that they would shape, mold, and sharpen one another. So, it begs to question are the friends that walk beside you helping you grow closer to Jesus?
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A Good Friend Holds You Accountable
"Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ." - Galatians 6:2
Paul encourages believers in the church of Galatia to carry one another’s burdens. Within this message, he delivers the harsh realities of how the weight of our sin, choices, and challenging life seasons can produce guilt, shame, and temptation. When we see that our fellow friend is struggling with a sin or a difficult situation, we must be willing to step in and help but do so with a gracious heart. Open and honest lines of communication can lead a friend back to the truth, love, and mercy of God.
A Good Friend Extends Grace
"Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you." - Ephesians 4:32
Scripture is immersed in characteristics that go against our nature human nature. For instance, we are commanded to love our enemies, told that the last will be first and that we should be slow to anger and quick to forgive. These are not naturally easy for us, yet God tells us to grow in our relationships (especially with Him), and in our friendships, we need to extend grace and seek to give and receive forgiveness, time and time again. That doesn’t mean we can’t set up healthy boundaries, but rather, we forgive so that bitterness does not take root in our hearts.
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A Good Friend Loves Unconditionally
"Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends." - John 15:13
The ultimate act of love is to sacrifice one’s life. Yet, while this verse surely indicates that a friend is to lay down their life for another, it isn’t necessary to be implied as a physical death. Jesus is teaching His disciples right before He is painstakingly placed upon the cross that once we become faithful believers, we truly love others by “living” for them and dying to ourselves. Jesus is calling us to love selflessly. This comes with loyalty, honesty, and without reservation.
A Good Friend Speaks Truth
"Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of a friend springs from their heartfelt advice." - Proverbs 27:9
The book of Proverbs is a wealth of wisdom, and Proverbs 27:9 is my absolute favorite verse when it comes to friendships! We all need friends who will speak the truth in our lives and draw us closer to the Lord. However, a Biblical friend doesn’t just give good advice. They resound wisdom that leads us to seek discernment that flows from the Holy Spirit. Yet, at the same time, they are sincere and compassionate in their approach, withholding judgment and showing vulnerability with a willingness to share how you can speak the truth in their life. It’s a sweet exchange.
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A Good Friend Embraces Empathy
"Anyone who withholds kindness from a friend forsakes the fear of the Almighty." - Job 6:14
Many are familiar with the story of Job who was tested by God. While the underlying theme is that we can find comfort and hope in God despite all our pain and suffering, it’s also worth mentioning (since we are noting the markings of a good friend) that Job’s friends completely lacked empathy. Even still, Job was able to cry out to his friends and ask for their care in his time of grave need. We can learn two valuable lessons here. First, we must have a soft heart that seeks to understand and sympathize with our dear friends. Kindness and compassion are key. Second, we need to be willing to ask for help and call on trusted friends, giving them the opportunity to rise up when life knocks us down.
A Good Friend Encourages You
"Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing." - 1 Thessalonians 5:11
Paul was not only an amazing missionary, he was an encourager. He encouraged the church of Thessalonica to keep building one another up and then gave them a little kudos for already doing so. We hear him imply this when he adds, “Just as, in fact, you are doing!” Christian friends should be motivators that remind us to actively and purposefully live on a mission for Christ! That said if you are a natural encourager and easily take notice of others who are doing the right thing and boldly living with purpose, great job! Keep it up! If encouragement isn’t necessarily your strong suit, no worries, there is always room to grow. Start by celebrating your friend’s little victories and let them know you are proud of their efforts!
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A Good Friend is Prayerful
"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer." - Romans 12:12
The best thing about a friend who prays is that they know the power behind their heartfelt words. They know that there is a God in control and that no matter the outcome, God is good, faithful, and just. Not only do they pray earnestly for you, but they also actively listen so they know how and what to pray for. They follow up on big issues and care about your situation, because when they feel helpless to react in any other way, they pray! Oh, the gift and blessing of a praying friend is priceless. Are you a prayerful friend?
Finding good Biblical friendships is hard, especially when the seasons of this life can take us on detours or sadly bring some friendships to an end. However, what we must seek to understand is whether a friend is in our life for the long haul or a short period of time, they still serve the same purpose – to help us fully experience the joy and wonder of the best friend we have in Jesus!
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Originally published Friday, 17 January 2025.