It’s here. January. A time to get off your holiday couch and do stuff that matters. Do more sit-ups. Do better at making a budget. Do all those home projects that have remained undone since the warm months of summer. For me, all that I should be doing often leaves me feeling pretty overwhelmed before February ever rolls around.
January is doing season.
But if you spend any time at all on social media, then you are visually familiar with the veritable apothecary of potions, vitamins, and elixirs that come across your screen this time of year, all heralded as miracle concoctions to cleanse every internal millimeter of your body.
January is also detox season.
Detox is more like undoing than doing. In fact, maybe the reason we struggle so much with all that we need to do is that we don’t spend enough time undoing, making room to engage in new ways of thinking and being. If we are writing our lives by what we think, say, and do, then what we need is a good Command-Z (the hot-key combo to “undo”), ultimately detoxing our souls from negative patterns that make less room for God’s healthy ways of thinking and being. And few things are unhealthier to our souls than comparison.
Here are 3 insights that can help us detox from comparison.
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Comparison is fundamentally an identity issue. It begins with the premise that there’s a universal standard we’re all meant to meet. Whether it’s appearances, financial success, abilities, or perceived happiness, we constantly measure ourselves against others or even idealized versions of ourselves. As a result, we distort our own identities through the imagined perception of others’ identities. This distortion manifests in countless ways. We compare our appearances, finances, talents, ministry success, and even our spiritual strength. Social often intensifies this as we scroll through curated glimpses of others’ lives, leaving us feeling inadequate.
If there’s one area where Christ-followers should stand out, it’s here in the issue of comparison. Yet, we’re often caught in the same grip of insecurity or pride as everyone else. Comparison has spread like an epidemic. Most of us are pretty sick from it, but few of us admit it, which is why the idea of a detox leading to better health in this area can feel foreign or unnecessary. Yet, the fever of comparison keeps rising, making us shiver with that pesky feeling of inner incompletion. No matter what we may project to others, on the inside, we feel as if we don’t belong—not in our cities, workplaces, families, or even our own bodies. There are others who belong, but not us. Is there an antidote? Yes, but it’s one we think may think we already fully understand: the love of God. God’s Word paves a clear path to health and completion: experiencing His love.
“May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to fully understand. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God.” - Ephesians 3:19 NLT
Note here that this is not just about the platitudes of God’s love, or even a robust knowledge of it. Knowing is good, but completion comes through experiencing God’s love. When we draw close and intentionally let God’s love become a part of our daily existence and pursuits (like booster shots), security begins freeing us from comparison’s grip and reestablishing our right identity.
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You would think being loved is easy, but comparison makes it hard. This is because when we are caught in comparison as a way of thinking and living, we hide our innermost identities. But to truly love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength, we must be our actual selves long enough to let Him love us first. We have to let Him see us as we truly are. When Adam and Eve sinned, they hid from the only One who could help and heal them. They were caught in the comparison between who they had become versus who they once were—and they didn’t measure up, so they ran and hid. It doesn't matter how we get there; hiding behind fabricated identities (or, in their cases, well-placed foliage) causes us to distance ourselves from a Father who only longs to help and heal us.
Comparison can come in many shapes and sizes, with one of the most detrimental forms being, well, our shapes and sizes. This year, when I look in the mirror, I want to stop resenting one of God’s greatest gifts: my body. It is so easy to only see what is seemingly wrong with the appearance of our bodies, missing the miracle of everything God has made our bodies to do for us right now. Comparison makes us resent the best gifts instead of enjoying them. Like any area of life, it’s okay to seek improvement in our physical appearance, but I don’t want to curse what God has blessed. I need a detox from this pattern. Instead, I want to live in true gratitude for the life I have now, the one He has given me today. I want to spend my days accepting the love I’m actively being given.
Brennan Manning said, “Define yourself radically as one beloved by God. This is the true self. Every other identity is an illusion.” Similarly, John 15:9-10 (NLT) encourages us, “I have loved you even as the Father has loved me. Remain in my love.” Remaining in God’s love requires intentionality, a letting go of our fears of not being enough so we can embrace the gift of God’s acceptance. That’s the identity I want to cling to. But embracing this truth requires honesty—acknowledging where we are and trusting God to love us there, even as He leads us elsewhere. As Romans 5:8 reminds us, “While we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” God’s love meets us in our imperfections, so we don’t need to hide.
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When we begin to detox from comparison, we will find ourselves wrestling to let go of competition. As C.S. Lewis observed, “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition is gone, pride is gone.” Well said, Jack. Well said.
But removing competition doesn’t just address pride; it also alleviates insecurity. After all, pride and insecurity are opposite sides of the same coin. Whether we see ourselves as above or below others, we’re still caught in the trap of comparison. But if removing competition removes pride from those who think they are above others, then it also removes insecurity from those who think they are below.
II Corinthians 10:12 (NIV) warns, “When they measure themselves by themselves and compare themselves with themselves, they are not wise.” Measuring ourselves against others in competition is a fool’s errand, causing us to wander from the unique path God has for us in search of someone else’s approval, perhaps someone we don’t even know. As Galatians 1:10 (NIV) reminds us, “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God?” Living to please people is competing to catch up either to them or our perception of them. But knowing one’s identity in Christ frees us from that circular track from which no runner escapes.
All people and all seasons are not the same—and that’s okay. Yet, the speed of life and the pattern of comparison can blur this reality. What if we resolved instead to embrace our seasons of life for what they are instead of always trying to catch up with what they once were or what we think they are for others? Where you are right now: that’s the life you’ve been given. It is a gift to be stewarded, not a weight that makes us strive. Stewardship—not striving—should define our daily living. As 1 Corinthians 4:7 (AMP) says, “What do you have that you did not receive [from another]? And if, in fact, you received it [from God or someone else], why do you boast as if you had not received it [but had gained it by yourself]?”
You should neither boast nor despair. In all things, you’re seen and valued. Therefore, you are free to know yourself and know your season.
So, as you enter the early months of a new year, consider adopting the following question as a daily reflection: where is my confidence today? Is it in fleeting comparisons, or is it rooted in God’s unchanging love for me, a love I’m actually experiencing? If we can align our hearts with the truth that for each of us, specialness is given, not earned, we’ll find freedom from the competition and insecurity that comparison brings. After all, God is never done giving, so what makes us special is always increasing.
Finally, the Pilgrim’s Credo is an incredible set of truths that detoxes the soul from comparison and aligns it with rightfully aligned confidence. I often repeat these words, taking deep breaths between each line. Try it, won’t you? You will feel yourself beginning to detox from the heaviness of comparison.
I am not in control.
I am not in a hurry.
I walk in faith and hope.
I greet everyone with peace.
I bring back only what God gives me.
In this episode of my podcast, Jonnie and I have a conversation about the trap of comparison and how to enjoy the one life you've been given. We make a lot of resolutions this time of year, things we plan to do... but is there anything you ought to "undo" as the new year begins? If you laughed out loud listening to this episode, be sure to subscribe to Talk About That on Apple and Spotify!
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