7 Ways to Show God’s Love to Challenging Family Members This Christmas

Dietrich Bonhoeffer shared in his incredible work, Life Together, the importance of loving others and seeing them through the spiritual lens rather than the emotional lens. He shares how when we love others through an emotional lens or our own flesh, we see them without the gift of seeing the truth. When we love someone through Christ and His lens, we can love them through truth, His truth. He explains, “The most direct way to others is always through prayer to Christ and that love of the other is completely tied to the truth found in Christ” (Life Together). We can experience this by asking God to reveal His heart for this person, how He sees them, and how He loves them. Invite God to change you so that you may see them in a new light, through the light of truth itself. 

Many times, people who are difficult to love decline an invitation, or they seek to isolate themselves even in the midst of a social function. It may be a case where they are battling internal struggles and find it uncomfortable to be around others. In these cases, it is more to do with them within and less to do with those around them. Remember that an invitation is a gift that you can extend, even if that offer is not accepted. They will remember that you came with a sincere spirit to extend an olive branch, and even if it is not in this exact season, it keeps the door open that they can come to you at some point in time. You never know what God might do with an invitation to the table. 

Your prayers matter and can have more impact than you will ever see on this side of Heaven. Pray for the person you are struggling to love behind the scenes. When you are around them pray within your heart for them, speak blessings upon them, speak life into them through Christ Himself. A great verse to pray for them is Ezekiel 36:26-27, “I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; and I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh. And I will put My Spirit within you and bring it about that you walk in My statutes, and are careful and follow My ordinances.” 

Intercede for this person and believe that God can give them that new heart, hope, and life in His freedom. Also, pray for the day and situation, and ask the Lord to reveal to you His character through this interaction. When Jesus enters the scene, everything changes. 

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Studies have shown that facing a challenge together can build trust and connection and open the door to vulnerability. With this idea in mind, consider exploring this on a small scale. Studies have shown that asking someone for a favor will actually cause them to like you more because reverse psychology emerges. This is not to be manipulative, but it is to provide a conduit to a deeper connection. For a lighthearted practical idea, request for the person to help with a recipe or a puzzle or craft. Constructing gingerbread houses can be mysteriously challenging, but also fun. God may inspire you with an idea that can provide access to cultivating beloved memories. 

Don’t fall into the trap of “How are you?” or “How’s the weather?” inquiries when in conversation with the person you are seeking to extend some brotherly love to this holiday. Asking unique questions can assist the person in sharing more about their hearts, experiences, and valuable perspectives. Welcome them to share their favorite toy they received as a child or inquire what has brought them curiosity this year. Be mindful not to incite an argument or debate with your questions but encourage them to share part of their hearts. Often, curiosity lands us in a place where we see we have so much more in common than we know, and everyone has a special story that matters to the Grand Story of it all. 

As cliché as it may sound, the season of giving can really give more than just a physical item. Budgets this year may be tight, and a hard to love person may not be the first on your list to get a gift for, but don’t let your wallet or pride stifle something God can do through your giving. You have a beautiful opportunity to connect with the Lord when you ask Him to help you find what He would like for that person to receive as a gift. When you work in such a way you are a conduit of the Lord, you are a messenger for Him in giving that physical item as a tangible representation of how God intimately knows the heart. Some of the most profound experiences I have had with others has come as a result of listening to what the Lord intends for a person to receive as a present and having the privilege to be His hands and feet to offer that item to the recipient. Even if you do not witness a grand reaction know that God has a purpose and a plan and that you carried out His Will. Offering a thoughtful, God Authored gift will bless the gift, the giver, and ultimately serve as a channel for you to love others as God loves them. 

Lastly, simply be kind. Kindness is something that is free and it is of the innermost heart. Kindness can look like a listening ear, a genuine smile, or being present in the moment with such a person. Loving someone is not expecting to get anything out of the interaction, not looking to boost your own ego, and not looking to receive something in return; it is seeking to offer the same love and grace the Lord has given you unto others. Let us hold firmly to 1 John 4:19 in these situations, “We love because he first loved us.” May this holiday be one where you love others as Christ has loved you.