Being newlyweds is amazing. We start our new life together, and everything is wonderful.
And then the holidays arrive. Different families have their traditions, and it often surprises us what we believe is important. We assume our family traditions will carry over into this new marriage, even if it’s only unconscious. Unless we discuss it beforehand, conflict can ensue when each comes with their expectation.
Every newly married couple should realize they will need to establish their traditions for holidays, especially the big one: Christmas. Take time to talk and come to a consensus regarding your traditions.
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Most of us have family traditions we love, full of great memories and nostalgia. To begin with, you can blend our family traditions.
Start by having a heartfelt conversation about the traditions you each grew up with. Share stories from your childhood and what made Christmas special for your family. As you talk, you’ll discover which traditions have priority for both of you and which ones you might not want to do anymore. This discussion can be a great time to learn more about each other and what you each find important.
Once you’ve discussed these family memories, decide what you want to carry forward. You might like the way your grandparents decorated the tree, or you could love the large Christmas Eve dinner your parents hosted. Finding your own way to incorporate these into your life creates a holiday season that’s uniquely yours while honoring each family.
You should also embrace being flexible. Maybe some traditions no longer fit your current life, or your partner has ideas to modify. Give yourselves the freedom to try new things, like hosting a Christmas brunch instead of a big dinner or volunteering for a charity together.
As you celebrate each year, these traditions will grow into great memories for others and your future family.
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A great way to make your traditions uniquely yours is to decorate together. The Christmas season includes several images and options for you to incorporate, both religious and secular.
Start by brainstorming overall themes and vibes you enjoy. Whether you choose a rustic feel r a modern style, make sure the decisions reflects your personalities and the atmosphere you want to create for the holidays. Some people enjoy big and over the top decorations, while others want a more minimalist style. Here, you can choose how much to incorporate Christian messaging.
After that conversation, discuss the types of decorations you’d like to have. You could choose classic elements like twinkling lights, stockings, mistletoe, and garland. Perhaps you want something unique and personalized, like handcrafted ornaments. Consider cost, as well. Be creative and collaborate to express you as a couple and build excitement for the season.
Make the decoration an event, even a date. Put it on the calendar and set aside special time to decorate together. Put on some Christmas music, enjoy hot chocolate and cookies, and take your time being together and placing the chosen items around your home. Working together and creating the look and feel of your home for the holidays becomes a cherished time.
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For many Christians, Advent becomes a yearly time to engage with God and the Scripture, expectantly exploring the work of God through Jesus leading up to Christmas. If you’ve never participated in Advent, this could become a great new tradition for you.
Many Christians purchase an Advent calendar to help guide them through the season. A fun way to make it more personal would be to create a personalized calendar. Begin by designing the calendar together. You can make it by hand, like using small boxes or envelopes. Make it a personal way to reflect both you as a couple and your love for Christ.
Once the calendar is ready, decide what you want each day to represent. The goal is to focus on Christ, so consider using Bible verses or short devotionals to highlight the story of his birth and the hope he brings. Each day, take turns reading the verse aloud and discuss how it applies to your lives. Pray for one another after the readings. You can purchase an Advent devotional book to help with the content and topics. Growing in Christ together draws you closer.
You can also add activities, like writing down things you’re grateful for or watching a movie connecting with the theme of the week (love, joy, peace, hope). Over the years, the calendar serves a special way to keep Christ at the heart of Christmas.
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Many Christmas memories and traditions center around food. From family dinners to parties, main dishes to sweets, holiday memories include what we eat. Sharing these nostalgic and favorite recipes can be a great way to start new Christmas traditions.
Start with gathering favorite holiday recipes from each of your families. These might be a grandparent’s famous cookies or your parents baking holiday bread. Food can activate fond memories and help you to share more of your history. Even contacting family members for recipes can be a special moment. Many will enjoy passing them on. Choose a few from each family to make
When you’ve collected and chosen the recipes, set aside a day to bake or prepare them together. Put the date on the calendar and put some effort into it. Play some festive music and get creative in the kitchen. As you bake, continue to share stories about the memories associated with each recipe. A breakfast dish can remind you of childhood Christmas mornings, or a pie can bring back memories of big family gatherings. You can even make sharing with friends or neighbors part of the tradition, blessing others with amazing dishes.
Through these recipes, you’ll build a new Christmas tradition reflecting both your past and future, blending the old with the new.
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As a married couple, you have at least two families to juggle with schedules and dinners. You might have more if one of you comes from a divorced family, leading to three or four houses to visit over the holidays. Add in company parties or church activities, and the calendar fills up fast. Often, the holidays can pass, and you’ve barely spent time with your spouse.
To establish your own family culture and traditions, you need to set a special time aside to celebrate Christmas alone as a couple. Whether it’s Christmas Eve or Christmas Day, a dedicated time allows you to focus on each other and reflect on the holiday’s meaning as a couple.
First, have a conversation a week in advance to find out what a special time will look like. Without an intentional discussion, schedules fill quickly. You could choose a quiet, intimate Christmas Eve dinner where you exchange gifts. Or you might like to spend early Christmas morning together, enjoying a peaceful breakfast and pajama moment before the day’s busyness begins. With this time on the calendar, you can organize family and church activities around it.
This is your time, so decide on activities or themes that help you connect. You could read the Christmas story, light candles, or watch a favorite Christmas movie. By setting aside this special time, you ensure that within the bustling Christmas season, you have a moment to spend with each other.
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Some people treat gifts very seriously. It is one of the “love languages,” so your gifts for each other can have deep meaning. Instead of focusing on extravagant or expensive presents, set clear guidelines for your gift exchange. Whether a price limit or a rule that the gifts should be handmade, these choices encourage creativity and thoughtfulness, making each gift more personal and intentional. Decide on these limits far in advance so you’ll have time to be creative.
Once you have the limits, take the time to craft or select gifts that carry deep personal meaning. People want to feel known, seen, and heard, and these kinds of gifts can have far more impact than something expensive. Think about shared experiences, inside jokes, or things that symbolize your relationship. Maybe it’s a framed picture of a favorite trip or a handwritten letter expressing your appreciation. Along with feeling known, the gifts show you put effort and heart into the exchange rather than buying a gift at the last minute.
Giving personal and intentional gifts creates a tradition emphasizing the love and connection between the two of you. As you exchange these gifts, take time to explain why you chose or made each one. Sharing your thought process behind the gifts adds intimacy and meaning.
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Volunteering together over the holidays becomes a powerful way to start a new tradition that extends beyond your relationship with the community. Finding ways to give to those in need helps you be thankful for what you have and all the ways God has blessed you.
Start with finding a cause or organization that resonates with both of you, whether it’s a local food bank, a homeless shelter, or a holiday toy drive. Opportunities abound over the holidays as every organization comes up with creative and impactful ways to give. Discuss what type of service opportunities connect with your values, time availability, and how you want to make an impact as a team.
Now that you have a place and activity, set aside the time to participate together. Whether you’re packing meals, sorting donations, or serving hot food to the hungry, the act of giving helps to bring you closer to each other and the world around you. It allows you to focus on the true spirit of Christmas, not yourselves but serving and loving others as Christ did. For God so loved the world that he gave his Son to us who needed salvation, and we best exemplify Christmas by giving to others in need.
If you find an organization and activity you like, going back year after year connects you with the charity and the community.
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