A little over 10 years ago, I stepped away from a career that I loved to homeschool our daughters. I did this because I felt the Lord was leading me. Not only that, but life had taken a detour that had shaken me to my core, leading me to reevaluate every relationship in my life.
For starters, my dad was battling cancer and had just started treatment. Seeing him in that fragile and weak state just did something to my heart.
Then, that summer, after his surgery, our immediate family decided to take in my husband’s niece to live with us under kinship care (similar to foster care, but within the confines of a family).
That decision, while needed, stretched us thin and caused financial strain, causing a deep disconnect in our marriage. The tension in our home grew, and emotions ran high.
It wasn’t until I sat in my friend’s office (who just so happens to be a counselor) that I shared how upside down my world felt and how out of control things had gotten.
She asked if I was putting God first. I honestly thought I was at the time, but sadly, He got more complaints from me than praises. Then she asked about my husband. While I graciously smiled, my inner thought was…why is she asking about him?
Later on, I began to realize why those questions came up. I felt out of sorts because my relationships and priorities were all mixed up.
I wish that I could say from that point everything smoothed out, and we lived happily ever after, but as you well know, life this side of heaven is truly complex and a little complicated.
However, what I can say is that it caused me to do a major housecleaning within my heart. It all started with posturing my heart towards God, seeking Him earnestly with every relationship in my life.
So, here is my question to you, “How is your relationship with God?” What about your relationship with your spouse? Children? Parents? Friends?
Need a little heart housecleaning or maybe a better understanding of what God wants for you and your relationships?
Well then, let’s discover what God’s Word says because when we understand the order of our relationships, we begin to gain a little more order within our lives, too. Praise God for that!
Photo Credit: ©Pexels/August de Richelieu
1. God First
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength (Deuteronomy 6:5).
God first! You may have heard that as Christians, we are to put God first. Yet, what does it really mean to put God first? In essence, it means to make Him the central theme for everything in our lives.
As the verse above mentions, we are to love God with all of our hearts, all of our souls, and all of our strength. We see this verse displayed again in Matthew 22:37, which also states to love God with all our minds. Furthermore, declaring that this is the first and greatest commandment.
So, how do we love God with our all?
It first recognizes that apart from God, we are nothing (John 15:5). The truth is that we often feel this void deep within our souls and try so hard to fill it with worldly desires, bending to the ways of our flesh that we grow further from God.
We must understand that we are essentially void, empty, and a shell of a person without being tethered to our Creator.
We not only desperately need Him, but when we crave and yearn for Him to be the central part of our lives, He not only satisfies us but makes us whole. The best part is that He desires to have a relationship with us as well (1 John 3:1-3).
God not only wants our all, but He deserves our all. We do this by getting to know Who He is by digging into His Word (John 1:1-2) and connecting with Him through thoughtful and sincere prayer (Acts 6:4).
We find Him and see evidence of His handiwork by getting into His creation, and we praise Him for offering us a pathway forward beyond this life through His selfish sacrifice (John 3:16).
When we place God first and give Him our heart, thoughts, hopes, dreams, challenges, and soul, laying them all at His feet, He will lead and direct us, and every single one of our relationships.
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Priscilla-du-preez
2. Marriage Is Made of Three
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken(Ecclesiastes 4:12).
When a man and woman come together in holy matrimony, they take a pledge before God, stating that they will first honor Him, and then cherish and respect their union as husband and wife.
There is no other relationship where we take a vow and make a covenant before God declaring our love for another human being. That is why this is the most important “human” relationship as two people become one, under God.
In Ecclesiastes 4:12, Solomon gives us sound advice in the imagery of a rope strand. One strand of rope isn’t so strong and can easily break, two strands can build an alliance and become a great team, but when you add the third strand — that is not easily unraveled.
When we allow God to wrap and intertwine Himself around our marriages, something beautiful happens.
He gives us insight into how to live as husband and wife and becomes the line of defense we need to face the challenges and difficulties this messy world will most certainly throw our way.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Rawpixel
3. Children Are a Heritage from the Lord
Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him (Psalm 127:3).
After creation, God tells Adam and Eve to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 1:28). Basically, the world was given to them, and it was to be seen as a great blessing to be able to fill it with family, having dominion over all creatures.
We have been given so many mixed messages within our current culture on the beautiful relationship we should have with our children.
While parenting is not for the faint of heart and is downright hard sometimes, our children are a gift from the Lord.
When we seek God first and lean into our spouse for support, it doesn’t always make raising children easy, but it does make it possible. That’s because this is part of God’s design for family.
God commands us to raise them with a firm foundation in the Word (Proverbs 22:6). This is God’s will for us, and we should abide in that Truth, taking it as an honor to raise the children He has placed in our care.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/FatCamera
4. Honor Your Mother and Father
Honor your father and your mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you (Exodus 20:12).
The fifth commandment tells us to honor our parents. The relationship that marks the beginning of them all is the one between a parent and a child. So, how exactly do we honor our parents?
Honoring a parent begins with showing respect, and giving us the opportunity to listen, obey, and appreciate them.
While this relationship may morph and change as we grow older and start our own families, we have the distinct honor and privilege to care for them as they grow older, as they once cared for us. The love literally comes full circle.
However, while parents are designed by God to love, lead, instruct, and discipline, we must remember all of us will fail and fall short of that.
The harsh reality of it is that some parents' own struggles with sin can even hinder and harm their children. We can show honor by giving grace and forgiveness, while also breaking the cycle of hurt with our own families.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Wavebreakmedia
5. Family Matters
Anyone who does not provide for their relatives, and especially for their own household, has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8).
What about our brothers, sisters, aunts and uncles, cousins, and in-laws? God’s Word tells us to love one another in brotherly love and affection. To add to that, we are to provide for them when we are able.
That means when a challenging family member comes to visit and shamelessly acts in a way that makes us want to react in hate, we must choose love.
That may look like accepting where they are in their walk of life, loving them through it, extending grace, and allowing space for God to stir and move in their hearts.
As believers, we must pay attention to the needs of our family members, as it allows for God to do a work in our hearts as well.
It also reminds us that we are called to live in peace with one another, and we should strive to do that at all times.
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Monkey Business Images
6. Friendships Are a Blessing
Sweet friendships refresh the soul and awaken our hearts with joy, for good friends are like the anointing oil that yields the fragrant incense of God’s presence (Proverbs 27:9, TPT).
Is there anything sweeter than that of a cherished friendship? These bonus blessings are like icing on the cake when it comes to our relationships.
Sweet friends recognize their place in our lives, knowing that our spouse, children, and other family members may come first, but they are willing and ready to run this race of life right alongside us!
They encourage and motivate us to be better spouses and parents. They give wise counsel when life gets tough and can point out things in our lives that we may not be ready to hear, but we surely need.
These relationships may be brought into our lives for a short or long season or may stay with us throughout the length of our lives (consider yourself very fortunate if you have a friend like that) but God’s plan for friendship and fellowship is simple and comes with a purpose to speak His love and goodness.
So, we must ask ourselves if we are being the kind of friend that we desire, and that God intends for us to be.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/PeopleImages
7. Affection Toward Unbelievers
But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us (Romans 5:8).
We are living in odd times for sure. Being a Christian in a world that boldly dishonors Christ and sadly praises sin is truly disheartening to say the least.
We may be chastised or ridiculed for sharing the good news and calling out what is sinful. However, what we must cling to is the Truth of Jesus’ own words when He tells us that we will be hated for the sake of His name (Matthew 1:22).
That said, we still mustn’t condone sin, in fact, in doing so, we essentially mock what Christ did for us on the cross (1 John 4:10).
So, then that brings into question, how do we love non-believers or those who partake in sinful lifestyles that go against God’s law?
It starts with a relationship! Just as Jesus sat with the sinners, we are called to do the same. However, while Jesus loved all people, He didn’t accept or condone sin.
In fact, He gently shared the Truth and led them to the hope found in His Father, offering them a way to a better, more abundant life.
As we build relationships with those who don’t know Christ, we can do the same. We can share the love of the Father simply by sharing what He has done in our own lives, through our story and testimony.
There you have it, dear friend. A simple hierarchy chart, if you will, on God’s beautiful design for our relationships. When we seek Him first and follow the ways He calls us to love others, we are able to walk in a way that honors and glorifies our awesome God.
For further reading:
What Do Our Relationships with Others Look Like in the Bible?
Building a Strong Marriage: How Humility Leads to Unity and Safety
5 Boundaries to Set with Toxic Parents
Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/AnnaStills
Originally published Wednesday, 27 December 2023.