Many people look forward to gathering with family over Thanksgiving, seeing extended family, and sharing favorite dishes. However, for others, a major time with relatives brings anxiety and stress, especially if there’s been a history of conflict and arguments.
With the growing division in the West over politics, religion, and culture, getting together with our families or any group of people brings more potential for tension and conflict.
As Christians, we have the ultimate reconciler living within us, Jesus’ Spirit. Therefore, we can view these conflicts as opportunities for Christ to shine through us and reveal his love and peace amid chaos. In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus famously says,
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.” - Matthew 5:9
As his children, we should rest in the peace Jesus gives and learn to share it better with others, as Christ did with us. Here are 6 ways to be a peacemaker in your family this Thanksgiving.
Photo Credit:
1. Pray for Peace and Wisdom
To be a Christ-like peacemaker, it all starts with prayer. As Paul writes to the church and us,
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” - Philippians 4:6-7
To spread peace, we must first have peace. In prayer, leading up to our family gatherings, pray for peace and wisdom. Prayer acknowledges we need God’s help. Too often, we attempt to handle conflict or tension in our own strength and ability, but true peace comes from Jesus. He is peace and wisdom in and for every situation. When we humbly pray, we invite his presence into our family gatherings, asking him to bring unity where there may be division, understanding to confusion, and love where there might be conflict. Once aligned with Jesus’ peace, we can speak calmly to the chaos of life as he did from the boat.
We also pray to recognize that a spiritual enemy is behind the discord and tension, seeking to destroy our families. Prayer addresses the unseen battle behind confusion, misunderstanding, and lies.
As the Trinity is a family (Father, Son, Spirit), God desires peace for our families, and he wants us to experience that peace, especially during the Thanksgiving season when we celebrate together. By beginning with prayer, our actions flow more from his peace, and we become peacemakers.
Photo Credit: Getty/SARINYAPINNGAM
2. Be Quick to Listen, Slow to Speak
Living as a peacemaker can be as simple as choosing to listen first. Our Prince of Peace acts from knowing all things and being able to address what’s important in love. We must do the same. James 1:19 tells us,
“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.”
During moments of tension or disagreements, common in all families, we find it easy to react quickly, but reacting often leads to misunderstanding and conflict. In contrast, being quick to listen allows us to understand people’s hearts.
Listening patiently means hearing the person and motives behind the words. We must slow down, quiet our own thoughts, and let love guide our response. When we listen first, we invite peace into the conversation. At least we won’t add to the tension unnecessarily. We also give ourselves time to reflect and ask for God’s wisdom before speaking. Responding in love doesn’t mean avoiding the truth or agreeing with a lie, but we can offer our words with kindness and gentleness.
Being slow to speak, we make a margin for God to work, which we require to be peacemakers. He softens our hearts, and in doing so, we become ambassadors of his peace. Through listening first and responding with purpose, we help create a peaceful atmosphere.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Deagreez
3. Forgive Past Hurts
God needed to forgive us to experience reconciliation with him, and he did nothing wrong. For us, forgiving past hurts can be a necessary step to being a peacemaker. Ephesians 4:32 says, “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Families include imperfect people. Everyone will make mistakes or do something wrong. These interactions leave us wounded, and it’s easy to hold on to resentment or anger. But God calls us to a higher standard—to forgive others just as he forgave us.
Forgiveness isn’t always easy, but it’s essential. Holding onto past hurts creates a barrier between us and the people we love. Unforgiveness keeps us trapped in bitterness, but releasing anger lets healing begin. By choosing to forgive, we release the burden of resentment and pave the way for reconciliation.
We look to Jesus as our ultimate example of forgiveness. Despite our faults, he forgave us and extended grace we didn’t earn or deserve. Reflecting on his forgiveness empowers us to extend the same grace to others, even when it’s difficult. In addition, we need God’s help and strength to forgive. Only he can show us how—and give us the power—to forgive as he does.
God also took the first step, forgiving us while we were still sinners. This Thanksgiving, we can do the same, offering forgiveness to someone who may have hurt us. In doing so, we bring healing and peace to ourselves and each other.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Jose Luis Pelaez Inc
4. Gentle Responses
Along with listening first and refusing to react in anger, we can be gentle when we do respond, even when others get heated. Proverbs 15:1 tells us,
“A gentle answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.”
Family gatherings can stir emotions, especially if there is a history of conflict, and disagreements can appear. The way we respond has the power to either ratchet up the conflict or bring peace.
Through God’s Holy Spirit, we have the strength to respond in peace, gentleness, and kindness when others begin conflict. We find it easy to react emotionally, but a calm and thoughtful response enables us to diffuse tension and create a more peaceful environment. Again, this doesn’t mean avoiding the truth or being passive. We must speak the truth and reject lies, but the Bible tells us to speak God’s truth in love. God is love, so his truth should be accompanied by his love. Gentle and loving words are more likely to be received with understanding rather than defensiveness.
The Spirit gives us the patience and self-control we need to choose our words carefully, aiming to encourage others rather than attacking in return. Responding gently, we answer the call to be peacemakers.
Photo Credit: ©GettyImages/Drazen Zigic
5. Avoid Gossip or Negative Talk
Various conversations happen during times with family, and to be a peacemaker, we must avoid gossip or negative talk. “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” Gossip or speaking negatively about a person can easily happen in discussions, but they often lead to division, wounding people.
When we engage in gossip, we break trust, and our relationships suffer. It might feel harmless at the moment, but words can have a lasting impact, spreading discord and causing wounds that take time to heal. Not only are others hurt, but people learn they aren’t safe around us since we will engage in discussions at others’ expense. Instead, God calls us to speak words that uplift and encourage. By listening first and responding gently, we can purposefully think of positive things to say about a person. Through these kind words, we protect relationships, letting people know we love them and can be a safe person to talk to.
For Thanksgiving, let our words be a source of peace and healing. Avoid gossip and negative talk, use our words to reflect Christ’s love, and spread peace during family gatherings.
Photo Credit: iStock/Getty Images Plus/Drazen Zigic
6. Seek Reconciliation, Not Conflict
God does nothing randomly or haphazardly. God’s every thought and action flow from intentional choices based on his character and love. To be a peacemaker this Thanksgiving, purposefully seek reconciliation, not conflict.
Peacemaking requires intentionality. It means engaging every conversation with a clear inner motive to bring reconciliation, not division. God reconciled us to himself by giving his Son, and we can reflect that same longing for unity in our family.
Before entering conversations, take a moment and check our heart. Are our words aimed at healing and bringing people together, or are they rooted in pride, bitterness, or maybe the need to win an argument? When we make reconciliation our goal, the approach will be more gentle, understanding, and compassionate. This doesn’t mean we dismiss important issues but rather address them in a peaceful way.
Even though we deserved punishment and rejection, acting as enemies of God, the Father didn’t seek conflict with us. Instead, he pursued us with grace and mercy, offering a way forward. In the same way, we should prioritize reconciliation with our family members. Past hurts or disagreements can make it difficult, but God faithfully gives us the help we need.
This holiday, we can be bridge builders. God’s peace is more than an absence of conflict, an armistice of some sort. The peace Jesus brings turns enemies into family. Let our conversations be driven by love and seeking to heal, revealing God’s idea of peace to others.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Drazen Zigic
Originally published Tuesday, 24 September 2024.