5 Ways to Keep Your Peace This Holiday Season

The apostle Paul transparently shared with the church of Philippi that there was much room in his life for spiritual growth. However, there was something he was actively doing to help mature his faith: "But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead" (Philippians 3:13). Paul knew that to be able to experience what God was calling him to fully, he needed to let go of the past, and "press on." In the original context of Paul writing this letter, he encouraged the early church to keep sharing the gospel. It doesn't matter what happened before they knew Christ; they were new creations and had work to do.

Keeping Paul's original intent in mind, we can use this wisdom as we approach the holidays. Instead of dwelling on how things were last year, let's focus on how things can be this year. We all know that we can't change the past, yet we donate an excessive amount of headspace analyzing, stewing, and dwelling on it. Whether it's a sister who criticized your child's behavior during last year's Christmas dinner, a father who habitually arrives late and leaves early, or your spouse who struggles to understand why you find pleasure in watching the same Christmas movies every year, we all have someones and somethings that, if we aren't careful, can steal our joy, and rob us of our peace.

So, this season, let's consciously stop dwelling on what happened last year and instead invest our time and energy in making new memories.

As I slammed the car door, I vowed not to spend another Christmas angry or annoyed; I wasn't off to a good start. For the past few years, my husband and I felt the pressure to appease both sets of families, and in our attempt to make everyone happy, we ended up exhausted and irritable. Things only got worse once we had children; the number of people to appease, opinions to consider, and preferences to sort through were enough for me to abandon celebrating holidays altogether.

Einstein once said that the definition of insanity was "doing the same things over and over and expecting a different result." That's where I was a few years ago until I realized that the people in my life weren't the problem but that I lacked realistic expectations. That's the thing about expectations; they naturally set us up for disappointment when we unknowingly place them on others.

If I had never told my husband I preferred to have Christmas breakfast at our house, I wouldn't have felt annoyed when he started packing the car to head over to Grandmother's house for brunch.

If I tell my parents that we will be there for lunch every year even though it is at an inconvenient time for my family, I don't have the right to be angry at them when I sit down to the meal.

If my family chooses to skip over a tradition I cherish this Christmas and don't say anything, I can't be hurt when we try something new.

These examples are not exhaustive, but you get the point. Plenty of things will rub us the wrong way, hurt our feelings, and cause general stress and anxiety this season. However, setting realistic expectations of ourselves and others will help us as we try to experience a more peaceful holiday season.

Photo credit: ©GettyImages/AleksandarNakic

There are countless ways we can spend our time and money. I can quickly scroll through social media and locate over 100 activities within a 10-mile radius of my home. If we are not careful, we can soon overschedule our holiday season, leading to an overwhelmed schedule. I loved how my children's principal reminded us to remember our priorities. There were so many good things that we wanted to do, and we were struggling to choose the best one for the school. She said, "We need to keep the main thing the main thing." In this context, she was referring to the purpose of the school as being to educate, and while she wants to provide opportunities for fun, it can't be at the expense of the school's primary goal.

I think about this when it comes to the holiday season. As believers, we quickly affirm that "Jesus is the reason for the season," yet our calendars and bank statements tell a different story. There's nothing wrong with trimming the tree, picking out the perfect present, or participating in numerous holiday events. But we must ask ourselves, does doing all this stuff enhance or extinguish my peace and the "main thing" of Christmas?

Matthew 5:43-44 encourages us to love our enemies and pray for those who persecute us. This is more than just sage relationship wisdom; Jesus knew that if we shifted the focus from ourselves to others, our perspective and feelings would naturally change. So much of the Western celebration of Christmas is fueled by consumerism. For the past few years, our family has shared virtual Christmas lists. Our wants and desires can be found on one site, which makes for a stress-free, if not predictable, shopping experience.

Except last year, one of the items my daughter had on her list was no longer available, immediately sending me searching for hours all over the web for someone who had it in stock. While it is a normal response to search a few other sites for the gift, I became consumed with worry if I would be able to find this item for her by Christmas day. In the grand scheme of things, silly. In hopes of preventing myself from losing the proper perspective this holiday season before making our Christmas lists, we made a list of people and ministries we could give the gift of time to this holiday season.

When we serve others, especially in most cases, those less fortunate, we don't have time to think about what we don't have; instead, we thank God for the many blessings he's bestowed in our lives. Scouring the web for the latest gadget ceases to consume our attention when we are ladling soup to the woman who sleeps under a bridge, the man who lost his job, or the child whose house burned down. Taking time out from the hustle and bustle to serve others will naturally help us to experience peace this holiday season.

Solomon tells us in Ecclesiastes 3:12-13, "I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink, and find satisfaction in all their toil—this is the gift of God."

We tend to spend significant portions of our time, income, and other resources on things that don't have lasting significance—often sacrificing our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual health. Solomon encourages us to stop, take a second, and think about our heart's motivation for doing what we do.

So, while in this context, Solomon was speaking broadly about our work as it pertains to livelihood, I want to let us think about this verse concerning the amount of energy we spend "working" during the holidays—the hours laboring over meal preparations, the days spent cleaning for company, or the amount of time we used to spend strolling the stores but now scrolling through our phones.

While all these activities are not inherently wrong, most of them and others are avenues in which we enjoy our time with family and friends, which are good things! I am not suggesting we abandon these practices but instead filter them through the right lens, returning to our original question—"Does doing this activity cause me to want to survive or savor the holiday season?"

It's a question that makes us look at our heart's motivation for why we do what we do — because I've been there, and perhaps you have too— we've set the southern living style table, gathered the whole family and friends, purchased and beautifully wrapped gifts, and mailed the picture perfect card— our hearts should have been full and overflowing– instead, we feel weary, and exhausted. He says there is nothing better than for people to be happy, to do good, to enjoy themselves, eat good food, spend time with friends and family, and thank God for the many blessings He bestows on our life— the glimmers of heaven as I like to call it.

So, if your family, like mine, gives you a hard time for wearing your stretchy pants and oversized tunic during the holiday festivities, tell them that you are just applying biblical wisdom—and you are going to enjoy a good meal, with people who you love and love you, giving gratitude to our Lord and Savior, and embracing eternity in the here and now clinging to the things that matter, and letting go of those that don't. May we genuinely savor and not merely survive this holiday season, as our lives, the presence of others, and the opportunity to feast and fellowship are gifts from the Lord.

Related Resource: How to Heal Your Hurting Heart: 3 Mindset Shifts for Peace This Thanksgiving

Do you ever feel like the pressure of the holidays only makes your heart ache more? Thanksgiving can bring out feelings of stress, grief, and loneliness, especially when life isn’t going the way we expected. But what if you could still feel thankful even in the toughest moments?

In this episode of Breathe: The Stress Less Podcast, Bonnie explores how to cultivate gratitude when your heart is hurting and provides 3 powerful mindset shifts to help you find peace amidst life’s hardest moments. Take a moment to breathe in encouraging truth and practice a soul-care tip to help you connect with God’s peace this Thanksgiving. Whether you’re celebrating joy or navigating challenges, Bonnie guides you toward healing through gratitude.If this episode brings peace to the storm in your heart, be sure to subscribe to Breathe on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode!