My husband and I have officially gone "minimal" with our Christmas decor, and it wasn't easy. For years, I filled every available spot with nativities, Christmas villages, snow globes, and even holiday towels in the bathroom. My husband would silently pull out ALL the boxes, waiting patiently for me to empty them before putting them back in the space above the garage. Every so often, he would suggest we minimize things, but I would ignore him, adding to the clutter during after-Christmas sales.
Then one year, when we planned to travel to my daughter's wedding at Christmas, I suggested only putting up the tree and leaving the rest in storage. I still remember the shocked and overjoyed look on my husband's face! Since then, we've simplified more than I ever thought possible, and honestly, I like this arrangement too.
Disagreements at Christmas are bound to happen, but they are best handled with grace. If you'd like to cultivate more understanding in your marriage, here are five ways to handle Christmas disagreements this year.
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Marital disagreements aren't always worked out immediately; sleeping on them often brings a different perspective. I'm not suggesting going to bed angry, as Ephesians 4:26 instructs, "Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry." However, there is benefit to letting things rest to calm our emotions and gain a healthier perspective.
In the article, 5 Ways Sleep Adds to Our Spiritual Lives, Whitney Hopler says, "Sleep helps relieve stress and anxiety, which can make it easier to connect with God and experience peace of mind. When we sleep well, our bodies and minds experience rejuvenation, reducing the amount of stress and anxiety we experience. This, in turn, allows us to approach life's challenges with calmer, more trusting hearts and minds, knowing that God is in control."
Approach disagreements with grace, giving your spouse the time and space to process. Then, come together to discuss things calmly and rationally. You'll be surprised at the difference a good night's sleep can make!
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One of my favorite Bible passages for relationships is James 3:17, which says, "But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere."
The New King James Version replaces the word "submissive" with the phrase "willing to yield," which paints a visual of yielding our wants and desires. I liken it to a yield sign that causes us to slow down, stop if needed, and let other cars go ahead of us.
Now, please don't misunderstand. Yielding isn't always possible, especially if it involves compromising moral or biblical standards. But most of the time, we can yield to less important things and prefer our spouse's preferences above our own.
This reminds me of Philippians 2:1-4, which says, "Therefore if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others."
When handling disagreements, ask yourself, "Can I let this go, or should it be addressed?" Most of the time, you'll find it easier to let go, realizing your argument isn't as important as you thought.
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When you're convinced that you're right about something, take time to form your words so you can present your perspective purposefully. As Emmanuel Abimbola writes, "Communication and active listening are vital cornerstones of a healthy and thriving Christian relationship. They serve as the lifeblood that sustains emotional intimacy, trust, and mutual understanding between partners."
Communicating purposefully shows you've taken time to consider the issue and are trying to handle it as graciously as possible. Some issues you might encounter are:
-Wanting to buy gifts for the struggling family next door
-Wanting to invite an ostracized family member to your gathering
-Wanting to cut back on Christmas spending
-Wanting to travel during the holiday
Whatever the issue, resist arguing your point and articulate your "why." Communicate your perspective with calmness and grace, giving your spouse every chance to see your side of things and hopefully come to agreement.
When it comes to the joy and the stress of the holidays, how do you and your spouse approach it? As a united team? Or do turkeys, tinsel, and extended family get-togethers tend to turn you against each other? If you aren’t sure how to face the holidays together, we share five ways you can navigate the season hand-in-hand rather than back-to-back. If this episode helps your marriage, be sure to subscribe to Team Us on Apple or Spotify so you never miss an episode.
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Raising your voice or pointing your finger rarely leads to the results you desire. Always speak truthfully, but let grace season your words. Colossians 4:6 says, "Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone."
In the post, "Are We Different or What?," Dr. Gary and Barbara Rosberg write, "Whether our emotions are heightened over running late, pride, self-centeredness or more major issues - it's essential that we control our tongues so we can build up rather than tear down. Regardless of who did what, our marriages must remain hedged by an attitude of honor."
I think it's fair to say we all receive things much better when we feel honored and valued. Even difficult topics are better discussed when things are communicated respectfully. Here are a few statements to help communicate graciously:
"I feel like my opinion is valid for these reasons."
"I truly believe this is the best course of action."
"This is important to me, and here's why."
"I'd like us to work together and come to a reasonable solution."
You've probably heard the saying, "It's not what you say but how you say it," and that's absolutely true. Cultivate more grace by guarding your tongue and watching the language you use.
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Sometimes, married couples find themselves at an impasse. The disagreement is strong on both sides, and neither one can yield. When this happens, let God decide. Pray together for wisdom, believing He will give it, and wait for His answer.
James 1:5 says, "If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you." Present your requests to the Father and trust Him to decide what is best. This isn't easy, but it's a gracious way to handle disagreements at Christmas.
When both husband and wife are fully yielded to the Father's will, they'll be peaceful about the outcome no matter what's decided. Let this Christmas be a time of unity, relying on God to bring clarity to the situation. You can trust Him in all things - even disagreements in marriage.
Heavenly Father, please help my spouse and I communicate in ways that honor You. Help us yield as often as we can, letting insignificant things go while discussing more important things with love and grace. In Jesus' holy name, amen.
More Resources for Your Marriage:
How to Use Conflict to Strengthen Your Marriage
5 Ways Couples Can Forgive and Move Past Disagreements in Their Marriage
How to Respect Your Husband and Disagree at the Same Time
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