5 Ways to Embrace God’s Plan for Your Life as a Single in the New Year

“The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9). When we do not get what we want in life, it is tempting to see this as failure. But God has other plans for you. If he wanted you to be married, nothing would stop him from ensuring you and Mr. or Miss Right bump into each other to eventually get married and glorify him by the way you live your life together. You have not failed in some way. Single life, married life: either way, God’s plan prevails, and it is always for your good and for God’s glory.

As for God’s glory, think about the advantages of being single where the fulfillment of Kingdom work is concerned. In 1 Corinthians 7:8-9, Paul says that it is better for him to stay unmarried, even though others should marry because of sexual temptation. Why would Paul prefer to be single? He was always moving, and life was dangerous for him. He could accomplish more for the Lord without having to consider the safety of a wife and child. They would have distracted and perhaps divided his attention.

Although singleness “can be difficult, your singleness is a gift that God can use to partner with believers in some of the hardest and darkest places.” You might still be single because God has a plan for your life that marriage would either prevent or complicate, a plan which, when you look back over your life later on, you will have been glad not to miss out on. You might even see where singleness was good for you overall.

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Sometimes, we believe all it takes to find a partner in life is to enjoy activities we do not really care for or would not otherwise be interested in. All the members of the opposite sex in your town seem to congregate at the theater, soccer pitch, or writers’ group.  You think, “If only you liked theater, soccer, or writing!” Or maybe, since you cannot find a girlfriend or boyfriend at the places you spend your time, the right person must be somewhere else.

Broadening your interests is a positive choice for your mind and keeps it active, but if you strain to enjoy something that does not work for you, the strain will show eventually. What you had in common with someone will eventually become a wedge because you were lying to yourself and to that person. You are involved for the wrong reasons.

If you continue engaging in sports or cultural activities that interest you, maybe you will meet someone - maybe you will not. Either way, the activity is still enriching you in some way, filling your days with new challenges or even new (platonic) friends. And by all means, try a new sport, try painting, and take up line dance, so long as you want to do it for yourself and not meet a potential spouse. As Vaughan Roberts reminds us, “Keep your eyes fixed on heaven. Human marriage matters, but it will not last forever (Mark 12:25). Our relationship with Christ must come first.”

If you are NOT doing something social or participating in something with friends in some way, ask yourself why not. Paul says, “In humility count others more significant than yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3). While you want to take care of the company you keep, friendship and community involvement are not optional for Christians. Jesus is our friend, and he made us for friendship with others.

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Roberts reflected that “single people can be made to feel like spare parts in their families, social groups, and churches.” The first thing married people seem to wonder about a person is if they are married too. If not, why not? In the church especially, marriage appears to be this gold standard of personal accomplishment. Yet, as Roberts observes, in British congregations, around one-third are single.

While it is unhealthy to reject people on the basis of their marital status, singles will admit that hanging out with married couples all the time can be oppressive. When every Bible Study, Life Group, or church barbeque is populated by couples and families, you can feel dejected and rejected.

With so many other unmarried people in your midst, it should be an easy thing to find or create a Singles Bible Study. You are not the only person who wants to connect with other singles. Ask your church for help starting or joining a study, and if you are shy, ask them to put some of you together.

Ensure the leader is gospel-focused and mature, which is important in any Bible Study or Life Group. This is especially important, though, to prevent this gathering from becoming a “Singles’ Support Group” where the focus is not on Jesus or personal growth but on bemoaning singleness, divorce, widowhood, or complaining about the opposite sex. You should be able to share your experiences, but if complaining becomes the purpose and lament is the tone, you have missed the purpose of Bible study and are being rerouted away from the joy of the Gospel. Furthermore, to prevent distractions, consider sticking to all men or all women.

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Depending on where you live, you might already recognize the splendor of God’s creation. “The heavens declare the glory of God, and the sky above proclaims his handiwork.” (Psalm 19:1). Those who have endured singleness in timidity, however, might not realize that the grandeur in front of them is only a tiny part of God’s majestic creation. Where do you live right now? Pick a point on the map that is as far away as you are comfortable going, somewhere you have never been, and make some plans.

Pick a place where you will be surrounded by unfamiliar sights and sounds. Hop on a plane headed for Europe, the Antipodes, or South America. Or, you might realize there are wonders you have been missing in your own county, maybe just one state over-fuel up the car and start driving.

Some of the natural wonders of the United States include Yosemite National Park in California, Bombay Hook National Wildlife Refuge in Delaware, and Providence Canyon State Park in Georgia. Even if you are exploring your own state, there IS safety in numbers, especially while hiking or kayaking. Take a friend with you, join a tour, or at least make sure someone knows where you are going and research your route carefully.

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Not all the Bible heroes married. Christ is the obvious example. He said that the greatest love is friendship. (John 15:13) Alyssa Roat describes the life of the prophet Jeremiah, who “for around forty years, [...] spoke for God to the people of Judah.” He was brutalized for his obedience to the Lord and for sharing an unpopular message, but he persisted - alone - out of love for and obedience to God.

If you are going through a rough time because your faith in Christ has made you unpopular with family, or you have been rejected, insulted, and penalized for your faith at work and in society, you keep good company. Jeremiah pursued God’s will to the extent that he was thrown into a well and was jailed and beaten. He went through all of this without a wife: “his family abandoned him. The people turned against him and didn’t believe him. He was alone with the knowledge of the horrors coming for Judah.”

Christ went to the cross without a weeping wife behind him on the trail to Calvary. Singles, you carry a cross for your faith, for Jesus. Singleness might BE that cross. If you are truly persecuted for what you believe, and singleness leaves you feeling particularly lonely, remember that God sees you. His people have done this before, demonstrating that you CAN endure life without a partner. In fact, imagine bringing a spouse through the fires you are facing right now.

Moreover, God might only give you the work you are doing currently BECAUSE you are single and able to stay focused. Kate Shellnut wrote about the explosion of single female Bible translators. One representative for Wycliffe says, “If it hadn’t been for single women over the 70-year history of Wycliffe, half of the translations wouldn’t have been completed”. What one translator says for herself is true for men and women who go it alone in the mission field: “If God has sent you, he comes alongside you.” This is especially poignant for someone without a spouse.

When you suffer alone, the idea of Christ as your Bridegroom becomes very real. His closeness and consistency, his faithfulness, mean so much more because you have needed him to be your best friend. He is always available, whatever your age or your marital status, but it is so often true that we only realize how much we need him to be our closest friend when we face the isolation, crushing sadness, and indignity of Christian expectation that we WILL marry, or that being a divorcee or widow makes us somehow less-than. Vaughan Roberts observes that God gave Eve to Adam because living alone is hard, but he also gives us himself in a very real way so that we can embrace the single life this New Year and every year, not to get by, but to thrive in Christ.

Sources: https://bethanygu.edu/blog/relationships/marriage-and-missions/
https://www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/four-things-god-says-singles/
https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/who-was-jeremiah-the-weeping-prophet.html
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