I’ll never forget the Sunday Curtis and his wife walked into my church. Surprised, I asked, “What are you guys doing here?” The reason their visit was so unusual is that while we were good friends, I knew they were leaders in their church. I remember vividly the pain on their faces when they told me through tears about their decision to leave their church family. Church hurt is a unique pain, and those of you who have been through it can relate.
I want to show you why church hurts happen, and if you are someone who has experienced a church hurt, how you can get past it. While the emotions you feel are real, and while it may be true you are the one who has been wronged, it is important to understand that church hurt is one of the key plays in Satan’s playbook and is one of his oldest schemes against believers. So, while I do not want to minimize the impact of your hurt, I want you to see the reality of spiritual warfare. I want you to be able to recognize the fingerprints of Satan and to know how to overcome him.
Here are a few helps that I have learned over my twenty-plus years of being a pastor. Not only have I counseled many families who have been hurt, but I have also been disappointed, let down, and quite honestly betrayed at times. I have had to handle my share of hurts. Unfortunately, because I am as flawed as anyone else, I have seen families within my own church get hurt, and we have had to learn how to navigate this. The point is no matter where you live or what style of church you belong to, hurts and offenses are a reality in the body of Christ. Thankfully, the Bible teaches us how to handle them. So, if you are someone who has experienced hurt, there is help, hope, and healing found in God’s Word.
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1. Find Healing in the Arms of the Good Shepherd
When people sit down with me who have experienced hurt, my first counsel to them is to seek healing for those emotional wounds. Who can understand His sheep better than Christ the Chief Shepherd (1 Peter 5:4). While the Lord has His under-shepherds as pastors of local churches, it is Christ Himself who is the Good Shepherd that lays down His life for His sheep (John 10:11). Any wound you have experienced from a church, its leadership, or even another believer can be handled and healed by Jesus the Great Shepherd. According to Acts 20:28, He purchased His flock with His own blood, and He is well capable of caring for us.
2. Break Free through the Power of Forgiveness
Although you may have been the one wronged and offended, it is still vital and completely necessary that you forgive. Please do not let me seem dismissive of your hurt, but you must understand that forgiveness is as much for your benefit as it is for the one who wronged you. It has been well said that unforgiveness is like drinking poison, hoping it affects the other person. In the end, it kills you. According to Hebrews 12:15, unforgiveness and bitterness are the root. Make sure it has not found a place in your heart, and resolve to sever any of its roots. What is the best way to do this? You do this by using the ax of God’s Word. Ephesians four says, “Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you” (Ephesians 4:31-32).
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3. Realize Church Hurts Are Not Unique to You
Sometimes, when we go through tough seasons, the problems can feel unique to us. However, church hurt has always been a scheme and strategy of Satan. While it can feel unique to you, it most certainly isn’t. Consider some hurts within the early Church. Paul and Barnabas had a “sharp disagreement” because of John Mark (Acts 15:39). Later on, and Paul asked for John Mark to join him because he found John Mark “useful” to the ministry (2 Timothy 4:11). The point is the Lord took a great falling out between Paul, Barnabas, and John Mark and brought good from it. John Mark went on to write the Gospel of Mark in the New Testament. The Lord knew that John Mark needed a Barnabas, whose name meant son of encouragement, while a young Timothy needed the more Type A, stricter Apostle Paul. Both were needful in the early Church as both are needful today. My point is that God can take sharp disagreements and later turn them for good.
Paul instructed two women who were arguing within the Church at Philippi to “agree in the Lord” (Philippians 4:2). It may be that there can never be reconciliation between two believers because they cannot agree on certain issues or topics, but they can agree in the Lord.
4. Avoid the Temptation to Quit Church at Large
Satan’s greatest goal is to isolate you from other believers. I want to encourage you to avoid the temptation of quitting church. It may not be that you need to remain in your current church, but I can guarantee you that it is not God’s will for you to quit the church at large. Consider Hebrews 10:25, “Not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.”
Make no mistake that church is ultimately a habit. We are either in the habit of going or we fall into the habit of not going. Notice the word neglect in the verse. Your walk with the Lord may not suffer due to a terrible sin, but it very well may suffer due to neglect. It may be that you need to take a break from serving or take a break from leading, but you absolutely do not need to take a break from gathering with other believers for prayer, worship, fellowship, and growing in the scriptures.
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5. Finding Grace to Stay amid Church Hurt
I have saved what may be the most difficult for last. It may be that God calls you to stay where you have been hurt. If this is the case, I know that God will give you the grace to rise above it and go forward. “But he said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
I hope you have found these points and scriptures helpful. If you know someone who has been affected by a church hurt, perhaps you will share this with them. If you are struggling with church hurt and need someone to tell your story to, I would love to listen, I would love to pray with you, and I would love to offer you biblical advice. Don’t go through it alone!
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Chad’s pastoral career has not been defined by blindness. Rather, it is his clear, biblical teaching that continues to grow an audience. He has traveled through forty nations, training pastors and strengthening churches.
Today, Chad teaches people to trust a God they cannot see. His days are filled with the things he loves most: leading, speaking, writing, and of course, coffee! He is a spiritual content creator. By God’s grace, he is emerging as a trusted spiritual voice in people’s lives. Chad may have blindness, but blindness does not have him.
Originally published Wednesday, 22 January 2025.