Within dating, there have been many idols to sneak onto the scene. While we would imagine dating to be mainly positive, sometimes it is not.
One has to look at the person's motives and their heart. When this becomes disordered, we can encounter many problems, including idols entering the dating scene.
For most people who have been on the dating scene, they are already aware of the challenges to be faced. Sadly, even amongst Christians, there are individuals who are not looking for long-term relationships.
Instead, they are looking for casual relationships or for short-term relationships. While not all relationships will lead to marriage, they should be conducted in a way that marriage should be the end goal.
Christians should not “date around” for fun, nor should they play with someone's emotions if they have no intention on spending their life with them.
With this being said, there are also other idols that have come onto the dating scene that should not be overlooked. If a person overlooks or ignores these idols, they will be doing a great disservice to themselves.
Many Christians believe idols could only sneak into secular dating, but there are also idols sneaking into Christian dating.
In fact, it could be argued that there are even more sneaky idols coming into the Christian dating scene due to what is being observed in the modern dating world. If you are someone who is currently dating or thinking about starting to date, you need to be aware of these idols.
Dating is hard enough without these issues; however, it would be wise not to ignore them. These idols have the capacity to destroy dating today, which can be understood as an attack by the enemy.
Although dating was not a thing during biblical times, it is a huge part of the lives of Christians today.
Two individual Christians have to date each other before they decide to get married and honor the Lord with their marriage.
The devil wants to thwart this and cause problems in any way he can. One of these ways is to destroy the dating scene.
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1. The Strong Desire to Be in a Relationship
One sneaky idol-destroying dating today is the strong desire to be in a relationship, which leads to desperation. This is especially true amongst Christian circles because it feels as though everyone should be married or find their life partner before the age of 20 years old.
As someone who attended a Bible college, it does seem as though individuals would marry anyone who just showed the slightest amount of interest in them, even if they might not have been the best match for each other.
The devil wants to mess up the modern dating scene in order to prevent Christian couples from doing things for Christ.
The devil knows that if he can make individuals desperate for a relationship, they will look past any red flags or any signs of incompatibility. As believers, it is best to be wise in these matters and not to allow ourselves to become desperate.
If you strongly want to be in a relationship, wait on the Lord's timing. It could be that the person you are dating now is not the one for you. Don't settle for a person just because you are feeling desperate.
By waiting and taking the time to not rush, you might be able to find the person that God truly wants to be in your life. Be patient and give it time.
If this feels too much right now, go to God in prayer. Ask Him to help you with any feelings of desperation or impatience. He wants you to be with the right person.
Nowhere in the Bible does God say He wants you to settle for someone who doesn't love you or treat you the way you deserve. Try to do your best to wait and see what God has in store. The Lord always has the best gifts.
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2. A Strong Desire for Marriage
A second sneaky idol that has been destroying dating is a strong desire for marriage. While there is nothing wrong with wanting to get married, it does become a problem when it has become an idol in your life.
Anything that we place above God is an idol in our lives. Even good things, such as marriage, can become an idol if we are not careful. Your desire for marriage is a good thing, but don't allow it to take up all your time and energy.
It is normal to want to be married, but you have to ask yourself the question “Why?” Why do you want to be married? And you also need to ask yourself if you want to marry the person you are dating right now.
If you cannot see yourself marrying this person, it is best to end things before it gets any more serious. When you are answering the question of “why,” make sure you weigh your answer against the Bible.
It is understandable that many people want to get married just to be married. I have been to multiple weddings where the bride thanked her groom for fulfilling her dream of being married.
Allow me to emphasize the truth that they said they were fulfilling their dream of being married — not of being married to the person they are marrying.
This matter has always weighed heavily on me because I cannot fathom the idea of marrying someone just to be married. Shouldn't you be more excited to marry the person rather than just being married?
If you have found yourself making marriage an idol, know that there is forgiveness. The Lord can help you as well as He can help you establish marriage in a healthy way.
It does not need to be treated as an idol, nor does it need to be treated as some kind of prize. Marriage is temporary, but our devotion and loyalty to God lasts forever.
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3. Feeling Behind in Life
A third sneaky idol-destroying dating today is feeling behind in life. This is something most of us struggle with at some point in our lives. Feeling behind in life can be triggered as simply as going on social media.
Just the other day I went on social media and saw that someone I knew from childhood was expecting her first child. This individual is many years younger than me, and it made me feel somehow that I was failing or behind in life.
The truth is that we are all on our own different timelines and what may be true for someone’s life may never happen for our own.
It is best not to compare ourselves to others or it will leave us feeling inadequate. Your life is your own life. Do not compare your life to someone else’s because the grass will always be greener on the other side.
The same is true for modern dating. We may see other people getting engaged and married, and this makes us feel behind in life. They are in the situation we hoped we would be in by now.
Instead of dwelling on these feelings, it is best to give them over to God. God has a beautiful plan for your life that is unlike anyone else’s. Your life is beautiful and unique just like you.
Don’t let the idol of feeling behind in life cause you to give up dating or cause you to settle for the wrong person. It is better to wait for the right person rather than to rush too quickly.
Do not just keep dating someone just because you are feeling behind in life and want to “catch up.” It will only leave you with regret later in life.
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4. Lust
A fourth sneaky idol-destroying dating today is lust. Unfortunately, many people cannot differentiate between love and lust. Most people who are “falling in love” today are actually just falling into lust.
Love and lust are two radically different things. Love is a choice and is based on loving the person despite their flaws. Lust; however, is based on appearance, pleasure, and sensual aspects. As one can see, love will last, but lust will not.
If you are dating for merely lustful reasons, it is time to take a step back. Lust is a sin and will only lead to problems. If you do not struggle with lust within your dating lifestyle, then it is best to be aware of other people’s lust.
Even amongst Christians, there seem to be more sexual sins than any other sins. Some could argue this is due to the self-imposed rules or the hyper-fixation of calling everything sexual a sin, nevertheless, it is important to be aware of these things.
If you know lust is a problem for you and it has become an idol, take some time away from the dating scene. Take some time to work on yourself and find out what you really want out of dating, marriage, and life.
Analyze your motives and be honest with yourself. It can be easy to rationalize sin in our lives, but it doesn’t mean it is right. Start working on yourself in order to be the best partner you can be to someone in the future.
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5. Premarital Sex
A fifth sneaky idol-destroying dating today is premarital sex. While this isn’t seen as something negative to the secular world, the Bible does not endorse premarital sex. Sex is to be between a husband and a wife.
Anything outside of this union is seen as sin and it is damaging to our own well-being. God doesn’t want us to undergo this pain. Being intimate with someone is very special and something that needs to be kept safe between a husband and a wife.
Between a husband and a wife, sex is a beautiful thing and something that should not be condemned. However, when sex is premarital, it takes all safety out of the equation. One-night stands or casual hookups will only leave you feeling empty.
Premarital sex has become an idol because individuals are trying to fill a void that cannot be filled apart from Christ. No matter what you have gone through or what you have experienced, know that there is redemption.
Just because you have had sex before marriage does not make you some kind of a wicked, immoral person. Rather, it is important to know that there are second chances with God and He will forgive you.
He can help you form a lasting bond with the right person, in which sex will be something that is special, and full of love, and with the right person.
A few sneaky idols destroying dating today are a strong desire to be in a relationship, a strong desire for marriage, feeling behind in life, lust, and premarital sex.
For further reading:
7 Sneaky Idols Destroying the Church Today
How Should Christians Approach Dating?
What Should Christian Singles Know about Online Dating?
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Originally published Tuesday, 09 January 2024.