Divorce is a sensitive subject for many people. Individuals may feel that they are justified in separating from their spouses because of disagreements or incompatibility. Marriage is difficult and does not always work, right?
As Christians, though, our approach to divorce should be different than the world’s. Marriage is not merely a ceremony that takes place between two people to show their love for one another but is a serious commitment.
God created marriage and intended for one man and one woman to be faithful to Him and one another (Genesis 2:24; Mark 10:9).
Scripture does allow for divorce in certain circumstances. Jesus taught that sexual immorality is the only reason for getting a divorce (Matthew 19:9). As part of marital unfaithfulness, a person has biblical grounds for divorce if they are being abused.
Since marriage is supposed to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church, abuse has no place in a husband-and-wife relationship (Ephesians 5:22-32).
Based on this biblical definition of marriage and the reason for divorce, lots of believers are following what God declared in His Word.
The divorce rates among Christians who regularly live out their faith and participate in spiritual growth are less likely to divorce.
As Glenn T. Stanton states in his article for Focus on the Family, “Being a committed, faithful believer makes a measurable difference in marriage.”
However, there is a reason you are reading this slideshow article.
If you are reading this because you have already gotten a divorce or had multiple divorces, then know that this article is not meant to condemn or shame you. Jesus did not shame the Samaritan woman when He told her that she had previously had multiple husbands (John 4:17-18).
He presented her with the truth of who He was and what He could offer (John 4:13-14, 25-26). Christ came to die for our sins, and He offers everyone the gift of salvation — if they will receive it by faith in His death and resurrection (1 Corinthians 15:1-4). In His love, Jesus offers you this gift.
Maybe you have not yet gotten a divorce, but you have a troubled marriage and are considering divorce because it would be easier to step away than to stay. If that is you, then take heart.
There are multiple resources to help you work through disagreements and hardships, including Christian marriage counselors who can walk with you through this difficult season in your marriage.
The following points present five unbiblical reasons to want a divorce, which I encourage you to seriously consider before moving forward with any major decisions.
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1. Your Marriage Is Difficult
In the beginning stages of marriage, individuals may assume that their life will be blissful and happily fulfilled. However, as the first days turn into weeks, months, and years, people will start to realize that disagreements arise, problems occur, and marriage can be hard.
Marriage involves challenges and the need for mutual submission (Ephesians 5:21). Husbands are supposed to love their wives as Christ loves the church, which involves sacrifice (Ephesians 5:25).
Likewise, wives should listen to and respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:22; 1 Peter 3:1). These things are not always easy to do.
Also, individuals need to remember that their spouses are not perfect. Although believers have received salvation from the Lord, they can still struggle with sin.
Every marriage is going to have difficulties because of the fallen state of humankind. To expect otherwise is to ignore the plain teaching of Scripture.
Paul warned the believers in Corinth that married individuals would experience trouble (1 Corinthians 7:28). This verse applies to people today.
Husbands and wives should expect conflict. The Bible has already warned that marriage will involve trouble and challenges since we live in a broken world.
Wanting to get a divorce just because marriage is difficult is not a legitimate or biblical reason. A husband and wife made a commitment to each other in the presence of the Lord. This is a serious covenant that is not easily broken.
Instead of viewing difficulties in marriage as a reason for divorce, people need to see these times as opportunities for learning and growth. Praying together and investing time to work on issues are ways to strengthen a marriage.
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2. You Are Bored
We have all likely heard about celebrities getting married, only to get divorced a few months or years later. These individuals may claim they “fell out of love” with the other person or grew tired of their spouse, so they got divorced.
As followers of Jesus, we should recognize the brokenness underlying the belief that people can end a marriage just because they are bored.
First, a biblical view of love is vastly different than what the world teaches. The world tells us that love is a feeling, mainly a sexual feeling, that people cannot control.
Understandably then, a worldly approach to marriage would approve of getting a divorce if a person “fell out of love” with their spouse to chase after that elusive “feeling” from someone else.
In contrast, Scripture teaches that love is not merely a feeling. A Christian man and woman who decide to get married will feel attracted to each other but also recognize the deeper meaning of love based on the example of Christ.
Our Lord chose to die for us while we were still sinners (Romans 5:8). He did this even though there was nothing good in us to compel Him to sacrifice Himself.
A biblical marriage will involve both individuals choosing to show love to one another in tangible ways even if they do not always have a warm feeling. These acts may involve great sacrifice.
At times, a husband or wife will find that loving their spouse is downright challenging. Rooted in their faith in Jesus, though, they will not give up on their marriage even if love becomes challenging or if their feelings dampen.
Therefore, wanting to end your marriage because you are bored or think you “fell out of love” are not biblical reasons to get a divorce.
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3. You Experience a Health Crisis in Your Marriage
Sickness is inevitable in life. You or your spouse may develop a chronic illness or suffer from a new disease. At other times, a husband or wife could require an important surgery which will involve a lengthy period of recovery and healing.
Children may develop cancer or long-term mental illness, which can lead to spouses pouring out their frustration and fear on each other. During these times of sickness, marriages can become strained.
Although individuals who are experiencing these struggles may consider divorce because of feelings of being overwhelmed or stressed, sickness is not a biblical reason for ending marriage.
Jesus instructs us to take the attitude of a servant — to humbly serve others as He did (John 13:3-17). Choosing to humble yourself in these situations is challenging, but worth it for remaining faithful to God and your spouse.
For instance, if a wife is stressed about taking care of her husband during a health crisis and finds that the constant demands are making her bitter, then she needs to take a step back from the situation.
She should consider how the illness is affecting her husband, and how hard it is also for him. Seeking out ways to serve him in his illness will tangibly show her love for her husband. Also, finding ways to de-stress and talk about her feelings can help maintain her well-being.
In some circumstances, couples may need to seek out therapy or marriage counseling to deal with marital issues, especially if there are feelings of guilt or blame present.
Christian counselors and pastors are willing to come alongside couples who are struggling during times of illness, including when children suffer from severe diseases.
There is a reason that many vows include the promise to love your spouse “in sickness and in health.” Dealing with a complicated or chronic disease, as difficult as it may be, is not a scriptural basis for seeking divorce.
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4. Your Spouse Grows Older
As the years fly by in a marriage, both the husband and wife will begin to age. More likely than not, their outward appearance will change with signs of aging.
Some people seem to have problems with their spouse aging or looking different after years of marriage. A man may comment about his wife’s looks, or she could complain about his loss of hair.
Over time, a husband or wife may desire a divorce because they do not like their spouse’s appearance anymore. They may want someone younger or “prettier.”
Getting married to another person solely based on appearance displays a lack of understanding of biblical love and marriage. True love is more than skin deep. From a biblical standpoint, God looks beyond physical appearances. He looks at the heart (1 Samuel 16:7).
Furthermore, a biblical definition of beauty is different than the world’s. According to the worldly definition, beauty is limited to a person’s outward appearance.
However, the Bible teaches that beauty comes from within (1 Peter 3:4). Physical “beauty” may be praised by the world, but God values the woman who reveres Him (Proverbs 31:30).
Love for one another should grow as the years continue and each learns more about the other person.
A husband should still recognize his wife’s beauty as she ages, especially as he sees her wholehearted love for the Lord. Likewise, a wife should value her husband in old age, growing to admire his devotion to God.
For the believer who is dissatisfied that his or her spouse is aging, remember that you are aging too. The process of getting older can be difficult and cause some to feel restless.
Those who know Jesus, though, recognize that this earthly life is not the end. One day, our bodies of decay will be transformed into glorified bodies (1 Corinthians 15:53). Therefore, we do not have to cling to or chase youthfulness.
Marriage is a binding, lifelong commitment. Just because your spouse is aging does not mean you should seek a divorce.
In fact, spending long years together can make you grow closer as you understand the good and the bad qualities of your spouse, learning to sacrificially love another.
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5. You Nitpick Things about Your Spouse
In New Testament times, the Jewish people held a variety of beliefs about divorce. Some people followed the teachings of Shammai who taught that divorce was needed if a wife committed adultery.
However, another school of thought under the teachings of Hillel urged that a husband could divorce his wife for any reason — even if his wife burned a meal.
This position is extreme, as it is based on the capricious whim of a husband. If he could divorce his wife for burning his supper, then he could divorce her for anything, including other trivial matters. Within these differing positions of divorce came Jesus’ teaching about marriage.
In the Old Testament, the Mosaic Law allowed for divorce to accommodate the circumstances and conditions of people’s hearts at that time (Matthew 19:8). Jesus, though, brought the understanding of marriage back to its proper basis in creation at the beginning.
Since God created marriage to be between one man and one woman, for them to become “one flesh,” individuals should not break this union (Matthew 19:4-6). As He said, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate” (Matthew 19:6).
According to Christ, sexual immorality (i.e., adultery and marital unfaithfulness) is the only reason for divorce (Matthew 19:9).
Christians today need to listen to Jesus’ words. Divorcing a husband or wife for trivial matters is not biblical. Those little irritations or quirks in your marriage might bother you, but they are not grounds for divorce in the eyes of God.
There are biblical reasons for getting a divorce, including sexual immorality and abuse. However, we need to distinguish biblical reasons from unbiblical ones. Experiencing difficulties, boredom, a health crisis, or old age are not biblical reasons for ending a marriage.
And if your spouse cannot cook, practice patience and understanding. Enduring a burnt meal with grace is better than burning your marriage.
For further reading:
What Are Biblical Reasons for Divorce?
Jesus on Adultery: It’s More Controversial Than You Think
When Is it Okay for Christians to Consider Divorce?
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Originally published Monday, 13 November 2023.