Last weekend, my sister, three daughters, and I headed over to my dad’s house, per his request, to sift through the piles of clothes, boxes, and abundance of pictures my precious mom had in her closet. My dad said he was growing disheartened seeing all her stuff and just wanted it cleared out. While it was emotionally draining for all of us, I wanted to honor my dad, so I hesitantly obliged.
Grief is weird and oddly uncomfortable. After my mom passed, I saw how each of my family members carried it quite differently, sometimes causing undo conflict or tension. My dad has always been outwardly strong, but after fifty years of marriage and the untimely and unexpected death of his beloved wife, I must admit he has embraced his tender and emotional side while also appearing numb or jaded at times. Her passing changed him drastically. Not necessarily in a good or bad way; he is just different. And to be fair, we all are.
In all honesty, I wish I could say that grief has this linear movement that gets better once you reach the end, but that’s not exactly what happens. At least for me, it tends to move in waves. There are highs and lows, good days and bad, and often, they clumsily collide, leaving me weeping and laughing at the same time.
That said, while it’s been a rough two and a half years, there is just something about heading into the autumn season that has a way of sweeping in an all-new wave of grief, essentially catching me off guard. Maybe because it softly summons grief with the changing of the leaves, whispering a stark reminder that while seasons change and the world keeps turning, my world has essentially stopped. She’s gone.
Friend, if this season is bringing on waves of grief that seem unbearable, while I wish I could say it gets better, that’s not always the case. However, I can say that in time, the burden becomes lighter and easier to hold. With the ushering of each new season, the waves have a way of lessening and not coming on quite as strong. That means that you can easily breathe again and, yes, even experience joy. I assure you that the sorrow will never fully disappear, as grief will always be a part of you, but there is hope!
Jesus provides healthy ways to confront our grief and offers comfort for our weary hearts. So, take heart, sweet friend, and let’s head into this beautiful autumn season with our eyes fixed on the One who will give us hope and grant us peace.
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This beautiful season has a way of conjuring up emotions for lots of people, but for a griever it seems to come on tenfold. One minute you may be enjoying the crisp fall air only to have it spark a memory that creates that all too familiar lump in your throat fueling waterlogged eyes. Please know that with it already being an emotional time of year, you may feel things a bit heavier as we head into a place that ushers in holidays and gatherings of family and friends.
However, as believers, while we may hear that there is no wrong way to grieve or that it is okay to give into the pain, let me clarify in saying that we can’t just grief however we want and expect to feel better. The waves of grief for a Christ follower calls us to grief differently. Yes, you read that right. Within the space of our grief, we have permission to feel, but we mustn’t give into the pain, because unfortunately that’s exactly where the enemy would love for us to go. Rather, we can feel all the feelings while clinging on to hope, as we invite Jesus into the center of our sorrow! Matthew 5:4 tells us that as we mourn, we are blessed and will be comforted. That is a promise! So, tuck that into your heart and remember when grief takes you by surprise!
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Is there anything sweeter than an honest-to-goodness friendship? According to Proverbs 17:17 and 27:9, a sweet friend loves at all times and can usher in the presence of God. When we are in a season of deep loss, carrying the heavy burden of grief, a genuine and true friend can care for us and provide comfort in tender and tangible ways.
While it can be difficult to ask for help or even know what you need, just touching base and letting a close friend know that this time of year may incite mixed emotions will give them the awareness and opportunity to extend their love as they feel led. When we first lean on Jesus, He gives us the courage to phone a friend if we are lonely, initiate a hug when we feel sad, or ask for prayer when we fight bouts of anger. We must understand that God does not intend us to face this battle alone and wants us to seek support from a community of believers and trusted friends (Romans 12:15-16), because when we do, healing does come!
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David reminds us in Psalm 34:18 that even in our brokenness, God deeply cares about our pain and draws a close in our time of need. Just read Psalms, and you will see that David was not immune to grief, yet his response to it is one we can learn from. Being a “big feeler” and one who was apparently raw and real with his emotions, we see that David did not deny or diminish his grief. After his son Bathsheba died, even after persistent petitions and pleading for God to spare his son’s life, David acknowledged that he could not negotiate with God. That’s because God’s plan will always succeed our own (2 Samuel 12:14-31).
After a great loss, our lives will never be the same. We must acknowledge that and realize that we will likely change, too. Even though our plan does not line up with God’s, and we may not fully understand this side of heaven why we face such loss, we can trust that there is a purpose behind it because we serve a God who is intentional and has personally numbered our days (Psalm 57:2). Trusting God’s plan isn’t easy, but we do have the reassurance that His plan, even in pain, is indeed good as it holds hope and promise beyond this life (John 5:24).
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Dear friend, as we head into this season of change where the leaves become rich colors that blanket the ground, and pumpkin spice becomes the go-to drink and décor, it may be easy to want to snuggle under a blanket and become smothered by the weight of your grief. And honestly, if you need a day or two for that, please don’t feel any guilt, and take that time to console your heart. But I want you also to realize that while grief unfolds this season, you have the opportunity and choice to embrace hope and seek peace.
Yes, that’s right. Grief is a choice to embrace hope by clinging to the truth that Jesus is our perfect source of comfort. We may live in a world riddled by loss, hurt, and grievances, but God not only knows of our pain but is also fairly acquainted with it. Because of God’s great love for us, He decided to nail His Son to the cross so that we could live. In other words, God shows us that grief is a form of love.
All the turbulence that grief brings can be unnerving but keep in mind that it is only getting us ready for another life beyond this one. While God cares about your heart and bestows comfort, He is also just as interested in your character and prepping you for eternal glory! The hope we have in Jesus allows us to find peace in our present troubles because there is a purpose for our pain. God is equipping us for more, so much more after this life is over! The peace to hold on to today is knowing that God allows death to be a part of this chapter in our lives because it opens us up to see the glory that awaits us in heaven.
"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us." - Romans 8:18
Faithful Father,
Thank you for Your unfailing and unwavering love and being ever present during our deep sorrow and pain. As we head into a season that brings on a multitude of changes, easily producing that heaviness in our hearts, give us healthy ways in which to confront our grief. Provide safe ways for us to grieve and bring forth genuine friends who will extend loving support. Help us place our trust in You and find comfort through Your Word, reflecting our eyes to the glory that awaits us in heaven.
Amen.
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