As a little girl, I wanted nothing more than to be a mom. I always loved taking care of my baby dolls, feeding them magnetic food that magically disappeared, and offering them tiny bottles of orange juice. I would shush, cradle, and pat my babies to sleep dreaming of the day I’d have a family of my own: one girl and one boy (in that order).
At the very beginning of the Bible, we see God’s design for Adam and Eve to populate the earth. As a woman, it’s always been part of what I felt created to do. And if it was anything like the movies, then when I decided I was ready to have a baby I’d simply get pregnant. Right? If you’re reading this then you may already understand this to be far from true. For many, trying to conceive proves to be an extremely difficult path paved with heartbreak and indefinite periods of waiting.
After deciding to start a family of our own, my husband and I quickly realized some things aren’t as easy as they seem. Getting pregnant was not something that simply happened once we decided we were ready. After months of frustration, I made an appointment with my doctor who also happened to be a fertility specialist. It was then that I learned how to track my cycle and various hormones that, up to that point, I really had no clue about. We talked about hormonal supplementation and I left with instructions on how to administer this piece of the puzzle my body seemed to be missing. After that appointment, I began meticulously tracking each day of the month and the symptoms I experienced.
Even though I got tracking my cycles down to an art, I was devastated month after month when the word “no” flashed on the digital screen that sat on my counter. That small blue and white stick began to chip away at my hopes of ever getting pregnant. I quickly grew tired and became completely consumed with numbers, levels, and days of the month. No one knew we were trying to get pregnant and I didn’t know anyone within my close circle of friends or family who’d had issues trying to conceive. I felt all alone. I felt broken and defeated, and it was hard to hold on to the truth, but the Holy Spirit was faithful to guide me moment by moment through one of the most painful seasons of my life. As you may have experienced through valleys of your own, I can look back now and see it for what it was: a beautiful season of complete dependence on the Lord. There was an intimacy that only comes from full surrender and trust in our Savior. But let’s be honest, what other choice did I have? There was nothing I could do to make my dreams become a reality. Over time God softened my heart to see the beauty of that season as I learned to fully lean on Him.
So if you find yourself losing hope in this season of life, I pray the following truths encourage your heart. Take them and tuck them away. Call them to mind and remind yourself of what God says about you and the circumstances you’re walking through.
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1. You May Be Barren, but You Are Not Broken.
I’ve always loved words, so it’s no surprise I love surfing the dictionary and taking a deeper dive into the meaning of various words. While trying to conceive, the word “barren” seemed to come up again and again. I had an idea of what it meant, but was curious about the exact definition. In case you didn’t know, it means “not producing offspring, unproductive, not producing results, or fruitless.” That stings when you take into consideration the context of a woman who’s trying to get pregnant. But that was the harsh reality I was facing. I was fruitless, I was not producing offspring, and my efforts felt unproductive.
It wasn’t until many years later that God gave me this truth: “You may be barren, but you are not broken.” It’s a truth that I’ve surprisingly come back to again and again. Not in the context of pregnancy, but in other barren seasons of life. Ephesians 2:10 (CSB) says,
“For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared ahead of time for us to do.”
You are a work of art carefully knit together by the Creator of everything. You are not flawed. Just because you are barren does not mean you are broken.
2. God Loves Barren Women.
Throughout the Old Testament, we see the stories of Sarai, Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and Ruth. All barren women longing for children of their own. All are completely helpless to make that happen in their own strength. I learned so much from their stories while trying to conceive. I was reminded of their humanity and even shared some of the same raw emotions they experienced throughout the pages of Scripture. These women struggled with things like impatience, envy, anger, anxiety, depression, and unbelief as they navigated infertility.
The beauty of their stories is that we see how it all works out. Of course, everything didn’t play out perfectly or as they had hoped, but God used all of it for good. Unfortunately, we don’t get the luxury of reading the ending of our stories. Neither did they. Much of our stories are still playing out day to day. While we don’t yet understand what God is doing and how He is moving, one truth remains: God loves barren women and he is always working things together for good. If you find yourself in this season, you are not alone. So many women in the bible walked through barren seasons. Psalm 113:9 always gave me so much hope while trying to conceive,
“He gives the barren woman a home, making her the joyous mother of children. Praise the Lord!”
God loves you no matter what.
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3. God Still Hears Your Prayers.
Does it feel like God has stopped listening to your prayers? The truth is He hasn’t, but that can be hard to believe when we face difficult circumstances. I remember feeling ignored by God when I’d take yet another pregnancy test only to see the words “not pregnant” pop up every single time. Was God still there? And if so, was he even listening to me? I remember being on my knees begging through tears for God to bless us with a baby. So why did it feel like my prayers weren’t getting through?
Psalm 139:4 says God knows our thoughts before we speak. This means even when we pray silently, God still hears us. As you know, just because He doesn’t answer us in the ways we expect he should does not mean he isn’t listening. Hannah’s story was especially encouraging for me on the days I doubted this truth. In 1 Samuel 1, we see Hannah pour her heart out before the Lord. A few verses later, scripture says “The Lord remembered her,” and she conceived a son, Samuel. Her barrenness did not keep God from hearing or answering her prayers and it doesn’t stop him from hearing yours either. Every word we pray or even think is heard by our Savior.
4. God Will Bring Purpose from Your Pain.
Even if He doesn’t answer our prayers in the ways we’d hoped for, there is still purpose in the hard things we walk through. God’s goodness is not dependent upon our circumstances. That was a hard pill for me to swallow in the throes of trying to conceive. There is written proof scribbled into an old journal where I surrendered my expectations and desires for what my future family would look like. After nearly a year of frustration and desperation, I came to the end of myself. I’m slightly embarrassed it took so long, but I finally decided to submit this longing to the Lord and remind myself daily that God is God and I am not. I accepted the possibility that I may never get pregnant and that maybe God had other plans for what our family would look like. It was a heartbreaking place to settle, but also freeing in a way I never expected. Through the pain, I chose to believe that God is still good and He would use my story to encourage others regardless of how it all worked out.
I am beyond blessed to say I went on to conceive a beautiful baby girl after that long journey, praise God! But I know not all stories have the same ending. Not all stories play out like a movie. So I hope to encourage your heart with this truth today: God brings purpose from pain, regardless of what that looks like in our lives. Had I not walked through a season of infertility nearly ten years ago, I wouldn’t be able to encourage other women who are walking through it today. The same is true for you. Whatever you are facing, whatever is breaking your heart into a million pieces, God wants to use that thing for your good and his glory.
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Let God Bring Beauty from Your Barrenness
I know it sounds like Sunday school encouragement, but maybe it means more coming from someone who has been there: Nothing is too hard for God. Nothing. You are not broken. God is still listening. He will bring purpose from the incredibly hard season you’re walking through right now. He wants to use your story to encourage others and bring glory to his name. We can walk by faith just like Sarah, Rebekah, Rachel, Leah, Hannah, Elizabeth, and Ruth did. And on the days we have nothing left, we can simply whisper “Jesus” and know that he hasn’t left us. What if he doesn’t answer our prayers in the ways we hope for? Is he still good? Is he still our God? These are hard questions to ask and even harder truths to face. It’s something each of us has to wrestle with and find peace in.
We have a choice in the waiting. We can choose to resist where God has us and what he’s doing or we can find new places to hear his voice and see him at work. I attended a women’s conference right in the middle of my season of infertility and I want to share a word of encouragement with you that I heard back then. “In your barrenness of life, God is getting ready to do a miracle.” Choose truth, open your heart to what that may look like in your life, and let God bring beauty from your barrenness.
Originally published Friday, 10 May 2024.