“The words of a gossip are like choice morsels; they go down to the inmost parts.” - Proverbs 18:8 ESV
Gossip, in its many forms—whether it's slander, backbiting, or the old talking behind someones back—has long been a root cause of church hurt and division. In fact, the Bible addresses gossip-related concepts more than 500 times in the Old Testament alone, while in the New Testament, though explicit mentions of "gossip" are less frequent, the core principles against harmful speech remain throughout.
For many, hurtful conversations in church have been the tipping point that drives them away, as gossip erodes trust and sows discord in what should be a place of unity and grace. Unfortunately, these harmful habits often creep into the fabric of church life. Recognizing the most common forms of gossip can help us better understand its impact and protect our communities from its divisive power.
"So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! 6 And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell." - James 3:5-6 ESV
Here are 10 of the most damaging forms of gossip you’ll often find in churches today. The names in these scenarios are totally random, so if you know me and I happen to use your name, I swear it’s not intentional... except for Tom. Yeah, Tom, you know what you did. You know.
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1. The Prayer Request Gossip
Picture this:
Susan, the unofficial queen of the church prayer chain, leans in during fellowship hour, her voice dropping to a concerned whisper—just loud enough for everyone nearby to hear.
"We really need to pray for Linda," she says, her eyes widening with a mix of sympathy and scandal. "I heard her husband lost his job, and now they’re having serious money problems. She didn’t tell me directly, of course, but I overheard it during the women’s group. I can’t imagine the stress she’s under!"
Of course, Susan does not offer to help Linda directly or, you know, actually ask how she's doing. No, this little nugget of gossip is meant for the public prayer circle—because what better way to show "concern" than by broadcasting someone else’s private struggles to the congregation?
A better approach?
Susan could keep what she overheard to herself and privately reach out to Linda, offering support or prayer directly without making it public. Real concern is shown by protecting someone's privacy, not using it as a conversation starter.
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2. The Sermon Gossip
Picture this:
Carol, the self-appointed sermon critic, slides into the pew after service, eyeing her usual gossip circle.
"Pastor Mike’s sermons, ugh, can we talk about how they’ve just been so... uninspired lately? I mean, it’s like he’s recycling last year’s material. I’m starting to wonder if his heart’s even in it anymore. Maybe he’s burned out—who knows?"
Instead of praying for Pastor Mike or, heaven forbid, actually talking to him about her concerns, Carol opts for the subtle art of planting doubt, ensuring everyone else now has an eyebrow raised at the pastor’s commitment. What better way to "help" your leader than by questioning his calling over coffee and donuts?
A healthier choice?
Carol could take her concerns directly to Pastor Mike in a respectful conversation, or better yet, pray for his strength and inspiration. Criticism should be constructive, not a church-wide conspiracy theory.
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3. The Fashion Gossip
Picture this:
Linda, the unofficial church fashion police, leans over during the sermon, her eyes glued to the back of the sanctuary instead of the pulpit.
"Did you see what Sarah wore today? That dress is practically above her knees! I mean, this is a church, not a runway. It’s like she’s trying to get attention or something."
Instead of focusing on worship or, you know, the state of her own heart, Linda’s busy dissecting Sarah’s wardrobe choices, as if Jesus handed her the dress code handbook for salvation.
A better approach?
Maybe Linda could remember that church is about welcoming hearts, not critiquing hemlines. Focusing on how we love and uplift others beats playing fashion judge any day.
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4. The Family Drama Gossip
Picture this:
Tom, the church’s go-to source for unsolicited family updates, sidles up to his buddy during fellowship time, eyes wide with concern—but not too concerned.
"Have you heard about the Johnsons? Their teenage daughter is really going off the rails. I heard she’s been skipping school, and rumor has it she's hanging out with some pretty rough kids. Poor parents, they must be losing sleep over it."
Instead of offering a shoulder to cry on or actual support, Tom is content to make the Johnsons' private struggles the hot topic of the day because why bother helping when you can just speculate?
A better way?
Tom could reach out to the Johnsons directly with love and support rather than turning their family drama into her latest conversation piece. Real care happens in private, not over coffee with a side of gossip.
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5. The Money Gossip
Picture this:
Tom is back, and he’s also the unofficial accountant of the church, spots the Martins pulling into the parking lot in their shiny new SUV. During coffee hour, he leans into his friends with a raised eyebrow.
"Did you see the Martins’ new ride? I mean, I know what they do for a living, and there's no way they can afford that on their salaries. They’ve either won the lottery, or they’re swimming in debt. I bet they’re cutting corners somewhere."
Rather than just being happy for them, Tom turns their financial situation into today’s speculative entertainment because why enjoy fellowship when you can dissect someone’s spending habits?
A better approach?
Tom could skip the financial detective work and focus on the Martins as people, not their possessions. Genuine fellowship builds each other up, not their bank balances!
"But if anyone has the world's goods and sees his brother in need, yet closes his heart against him, how does God's love abide in him?" -1 John 3:17 (ESV)
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6. The Bad Behavior Gossip
Picture this:
Judy, the self-appointed moral compass of the congregation, whispers to her small group, eyes full of faux pity.
"Did you hear about Bob? Apparently, he’s started drinking again. You know, he had a problem with alcohol a few years back. It’s just so sad to see him falling into those habits. We should definitely keep an eye on him."
Of course, rather than offering Bob a word of encouragement or, I don’t know, actually praying for him, Judy’s more interested in making sure everyone knows about his struggle—just in case anyone missed the latest gossip update.
A better approach?
Instead of spreading Bob’s personal challenges like church news, Judy could extend a hand in love and support, showing grace rather than judgment. Real help happens in private, not behind whispered updates.
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7. The Relationship Gossip
Picture this:
Nancy, the church’s unofficial matchmaker and romance expert, leans in with her usual "concern."
"Have you noticed Mary is still single? She’s been dating that guy for years and no ring! I mean, what’s the holdup? Do you think there’s something wrong with their relationship, or is Mary just being too picky? She’s not getting any younger, you know."
Instead of minding her own business or, better yet, celebrating Mary’s life as it is, Nancy’s more interested in playing Sherlock Holmes with Mary’s love life, turning a private matter into Sunday morning speculation.
A better approach?
Nancy could focus on fostering genuine friendships and leave the relationship detective work to the people actually in the relationship. Less pressure, more grace—it goes a long way!
"I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband." - 1 Corinthians 7:32-34 (ESV)
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8. The Church Staff Gossip
Picture this:
Greg, the self-proclaimed "organizational guru" of the men's Bible study, casually remarks after the service,
"Did you check out the mess over in the children’s ministry? Total disaster. I don’t know how they let Todd run that thing. Our group is way more efficient—always on schedule, and everything is in order. Maybe Todd could use some pointers."
Rather than offering a hand or appreciating the effort Todd puts into corralling a bunch of kids every Sunday, Greg’s too busy bragging about his group’s flawless structure while quietly tearing down someone else’s ministry.
A better approach?
Greg could put his "skills" to good use by offering to help Todd, fostering unity instead of setting up a ministry comparison contest. The goal is serving, not competing.
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9. The Church-Hopping Gossip
Picture this:
Dave, the unofficial church attendance tracker, sidles up to his buddy during coffee hour and, with a smirk, says,
"So, did you hear the Smiths left to go to City Fellowship? I’m not surprised. Ever since we switched up the worship style, I could see it coming. They’ve always been picky—probably couldn’t handle a little electric guitar in their hymns."
Instead of respecting the Smiths’ decision to find a church that fits their needs, Dave’s more interested in spinning the tale to make it sound like they just couldn’t handle change, fueling unnecessary speculation about their faith.
A better approach?
Dave could focus on building up his own church community and leave the Smiths’ personal choices between them and God. Less gossip, more grace—it’s a win-win.
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10. The Spiritual Status Gossip
Picture this:
Mike, the spiritually competitive Deacon, leans over to his buddy during the potluck and says,
"You ever notice John? I mean, the guy never volunteers or shows up for Bible study. Honestly, I don’t think he’s really serious about his faith. He’s probably just here because his wife drags him along."
Instead of considering that maybe John’s faith journey is more complex than it seems, Mike’s already decided John’s just phoning it in, turning his own limited observations into a full-blown spiritual critique.
A better approach?
Mike could actually get to know John, offering encouragement and mentorship rather than judgment. Faith is a personal journey, and it’s best not to play the part of the "spiritual meter reader."
In the end, each of these types of gossip chips away at the very foundation a church is meant to stand on—unity, trust, and love. Whether we’re sharing private information, speculating about someone’s personal life, or subtly undermining others, the damage runs deep. Gossip divides where there should be a connection, and it fosters judgment where there should be grace. It doesn’t just hurt those we talk about—it hurts us, too, pulling us further from the kind of loving, supportive community we’re called to build. Instead of feeding into these harmful habits, let’s choose a better path: one where we address concerns with kindness, approach others with understanding, and create an atmosphere of healing rather than hurt. That’s the kind of church we all deserve.
What type of gossip do you witness the most at your church? Comment and share your thoughts and testimony at Crosswalk Forums! Click HERE.
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Originally published Wednesday, 18 September 2024.