God loves sex. He really LOVES sex. He created sex and declared it, “good.” I say this often to my children (teens and college-age), and much to their dismay, because I want them to understand the gift of sex but only in the confines of marriage. I want them to look forward to it but remain pure.
I want them to understand the struggles they may face in this, “If it feels good, do it” culture. In fact, God tells us in the very first chapter of the Bible “to be fruitful and multiply.” In other words, have lots of sex and enjoy each other.
The Blueprint of God’s Design for Sex
The Bible says, “From the beginning of creation, God ‘made them male and female’” (Genesis 1:27, Mark 10:6-8 ESV). It goes on to declare, “‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’” (Mark 10:6-8, Genesis 2:24).
Research suggests that a man’s oxytocin level increases following an act of sexual intimacy. A husband’s brain re-bonds with his spouse. And it’s not just chemicals that are being released; for a few moments, they are one.
Linda Savage writes about the mingling of spirits and bodies in sex in her recent article, “Spiritual Sex: Ecstatic Love Beyond the Physical,” she writes,
... it is sexual energy that goes beyond physical sensations of pleasure and genital orgasms. It is not limited to genital stimulation and the release of tension through a quick and simple orgasm. When spiritual sex is consciously practiced, there is a quality of ‘mindfulness,’ which is heightened awareness and expanded consciousness. The more cosmic experiences utilizing sexual energy create ecstatic states. The essence of spiritual sex is enhanced awareness, extraordinary inspiration, and a sense of merging with the life force.
But as culture continues to influence the church more than the church influences the culture, many Christ-followers have adopted the worldly view of sex. Many assume sex before marriage isn’t a sin because where exactly does the Bible say, “Thou shalt not have sex with your boyfriend/girlfriend, even if you think you’re going to marry him/her?”
"Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." (Hebrews 13:4)
What Does the Bible Say about Sex Before Marriage?
Even though sex before marriage is one of the clearest prohibitions in Christianity, one would be hard-pressed to find scripture on it. Many would refer to the Ten Commandments, “You shall not commit adultery,” Exodus 20:14). But this passage is about adultery which means having sex with another person’s spouse.
Others might turn to the “sex chapter” in Leviticus 18, which lists every kind of perverse act that trashes the gift of sex, such as bestiality, incest, threesomes, pornography, and other sexual sins.
But, before you text your girlfriend the words, “Netflix and chill,” let’s trek to 1 Corinthians 7:2. It clearly states that sex before marriage is a part of the definition of sexual immorality. In fact, all Bible passages that condemn sexual immorality as being sinful also condemn sex before marriage!
"But because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband." (1 Corinthians 7:2)
To answer the question, "Is it wrong to have sex before marriage?" we can look at the biblical perspective on sexual behavior. The Bible consistently identifies sex outside of marriage as sinful, often using the term "fornication" to describe such acts.
Fornication traditionally refers to any sexual activity between two unmarried individuals. Adultery, on the other hand, specifically pertains to illicit sexual relations involving at least one married person. This distinction helps clarify the Bible's teachings on sexual morality.
In the King James Version of the Bible, the word "fornication" appears in verses like 1 Corinthians 6:18, which states, "Flee fornication. Every sin that a man doeth is without the body; but he that committeth fornication sinneth against his own body." The Greek term used here is "porneia," which covers a broad spectrum of illicit sexual activities, including adultery, homosexuality, prostitution, and sex before marriage.
The concept of "porneia" shows that the Bible's condemnation of sexual immorality includes all forms of sexual behavior outside the bounds of marriage.
Hebrews 13:4 considers sex outside of marriage to be immoral. “Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous.” And yes, for those of you wondering, oral sex is included in this definition.
Paul also lists fornication among the "acts of the flesh" in Galatians 5:19-21, which states, "Now the works of the flesh are manifest, which are these; Adultery, fornication, uncleanness, lasciviousness...they which do such things shall not inherit the kingdom of God."
Jesus addresses sexual immorality in Matthew 15:19, saying, "For out of the heart come evil thoughts—murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." Here, "sexual immorality" (translated from "porneia") refers to all forms of illicit sexual behavior.
As you can see, numerous scriptures declare sex before marriage to be a sin (see also: 1 Corinthians 5:1; 2 Corinthians 12:21; Galatians 5:19; Acts 15:20; Ephesians 5:3; Colossians 3:5; 1 Thessalonians 4:3). Revelation 14:4 assumes that unmarried Christian men who desire to be faithful are not having sex.
Young people are often told, “Oral sex is not really sex.” This couldn’t be further from the truth: oral sex is sex and is meant to also be enjoyed within the confines of marriage. Please remember neither spouse should be forced or coerced into doing something he/she is not completely comfortable with. Oral sex is permissible within the confines of marriage but that’s a whole new article.
So, Is Sex Before Marriage Really Wrong?
The early chapters of the Bible were based on rules and commandments of the Jewish traditions. Sex before marriage was clearly condemned in Judaism, and the same goes for Christianity. This was the culture Jesus was raised in. These commandments and rules gave the blueprint for marriage. The words “sex outside of marriage” are never mentioned, however, it is implied that it is against God’s design.
In fact, Adam wasn’t joined to Eve until God gave her away in the first marriage union of the time. The same tradition goes for Noah, Shem, Abram, and Jacob. Everyone waits until they are united in marriage to have sexual relations. That’s because the other aspect of sex is to procreate.
That’s right, God meant for us to fully enjoy sex (Check out Proverbs 5:19). Perhaps the best book of the Bible about the joys of sex is the Song of Songs as it reminds us sex is strictly for marriage. However, there is one example of the condemnation of sex before marriage of a soon-to-be wife who had sex outside of marriage in Deuteronomy 22:13-19.
It was such a precious manner that the husband had the right to divorce her if she was found not to be a virgin. Also, because of how this law could’ve been misconstrued, laws were put in place to protect the woman as well. She had the right to prove her virginity had been taken in the marriage bed.
Why is Sex Before Marriage Wrong?
Sometimes it helps to fully understand the WHY behind a command. The Bible teaches that sex before marriage is wrong because it goes against God's design for sex, marriage, and the family. God's design is one to bless us and we are able to enjoy the covenant of marriage when we do it God's way. Here's some more explanation why God has placed such boundaries around our sexual behavior and fornication:
Spiritual Significance: God designed sex to be a profound expression of love and unity between a husband and wife. Genesis 2:24 says, "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh." This union is meant to reflect the intimate relationship between Christ and the Church, highlighting its spiritual significance (Ephesians 5:31-32)
Body as a Temple: The Bible teaches that our bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit (1 Corinthians 6:19-20). Engaging in sex outside of marriage defiles this temple, as it goes against God's design for sexual purity. 1 Corinthians 6:18 states, "Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body"
Emotional and Physical Well-being: Premarital sex can lead to various emotional and physical consequences. Emotionally, it can create deep bonds that are difficult to break, leading to heartache and confusion if the relationship ends. Physically, it exposes individuals to the risks of sexually transmitted diseases and unplanned pregnancies. The Bible encourages believers to flee from youthful lusts and pursue righteousness (2 Timothy 2:22) to avoid these complications.
Honoring Marriage: Hebrews 13:4 emphasizes the honor and purity of marriage: "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous." By waiting until marriage, we honor God's design for sex and uphold the sanctity of the marriage covenant.
God’s Protection and Blessing: Saving sex for marriage is not just about following a rule; it's about living within God's protective boundaries. When we align with His plan, we experience His blessings and protection. Waiting for marriage makes sex priceless, preserving its beauty and preventing it from becoming common and devalued.
What Does This Mean for Us Today?
The Bible promotes complete abstinence before marriage. Sex between a husband and his wife is the only form of sexual relations of which God approves. Christians can mess up and receive God’s full forgiveness. But there is a stark difference between messing up and continuing to do so with the mindset, “I can always ask for forgiveness.”
What matters is a fully repentant heart. Repentance isn’t just an attitude of the heart; it literally means to turn from the former life with a commitment to change for the better. We, as followers of Christ, must strive to live within the confines of his loving boundaries and celebrate the good gifts he’s given us — even if that means we have to wait until our wedding day.
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