“I hate myself!”
Maybe we don’t say the words out loud, but when we make mistakes or our flaws become evident, we think something along these lines. The mistake might be an accident. Or we could have made a purposeful bad choice, and we begin to endure the consequences. We knew better, right? Perhaps we gave an opportunity our all and did everything right, and we still failed.
Our conclusions during these times prove important. It’s natural to assume something major is wrong with us. We seek someone to blame. Why not ourselves? The evidence mounts against us. And if we seem to be our own worst enemy? Shouldn’t we hate our own worst enemy?
However common these thoughts might be, we must step back and ask, “Is it a sin to hate myself?” Of course, the most important question is: what does God think about this?
The Bible defines hate as a hostility that leads to rejection, harm, or opposition. Hate often reflects the opposite of love and godly character. Hate manifests in actions, attitudes, or words that oppose God’s law first and also abuses others.
In the Old Testament, the Hebrew word most often used for hate is saneh, which means to detest, loathe, or be hostile toward. Proverbs 10:12 says, “Hatred stirs up conflict, but love covers all wrongs.” Biblically, love is more than an emotion; it leads to action and behavior. Hate is the same, as in Proverbs it divides people. Love leads to forgiveness and reconciliation.
In the New Testament, scholars frequently translate the Greek word miseo as hate, meaning a sense of active enmity or rejection. Jesus used this word when he warns his disciples: “If the world hates you, keep in mind that it hated me first.” (John 15:18) Christ teaches how the systems of this world will hate—actively oppose in words and deeds—his disciples of the Kingdom of God.
To further show how hate is more than a mere emotion, Jesus addresses this in the Sermon on the Mount, where he teaches how murder comes from hate, and as such, Christ commands not to hate in the heart (Matthew 5:21-22). The apostle John also repeats this in 1 John 3:15: “Anyone who hates a brother or sister is a murderer, and you know that no murderer has eternal life residing in him.” Not only does John equate hate with murder, but he declares how no one can hate another and be a Christian.
In Proverbs 6:16-19, hate manifests through actions God hates like “a lying tongue, hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked schemes, feet that are quick to rush into evil, a false witness who pours out lies, and a person who stirs up conflict in the community.” These actions reveal hatred.
Also in the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus says in Matthew 5:43-44, “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Jesus removes all excuses for hating a person made in God’s image, which is everyone. Even if the person acts with hate towards others, God doesn’t allow us to hate them. Instead, believers must act with God’s love through prayer.
Since hatred harms people and leads to destruction, God hates hate. Even God hates things, such as actions and attitudes that harm others, which are all rooted in rebellion against him. Since hate begins with opposition to God, it will flow outward to those people made in his image and even creation itself with abuses of all kinds. God is love and therefore cannot abide what destroys the things he loves. In this way, Christians must also have the same mind. “Let those who love the Lord hate evil” (Psalm 97:10).
Taking the definition above, hating oneself contains at attitude of rejection, hostility, or opposition toward oneself. This attacks my identity and value, which God affirms and ascribes upon my creation (Genesis 1:27).
Self-hatred means detesting myself and rejecting my God-given identity and purpose. Even though I may not think these things consciously, I exhibit the principle in behaviors like negative self-talk, self-destructive acts, or feelings of worthlessness. The Bible tells me to hate evil acts but not evil people, so self-hatred comes from believing lies and brokenness, leading to further harm and rejecting healing and love.
At the core, hating myself rejects God and his truth. He doesn’t hate me, no matter what I’ve done, so choosing to do so denies the word of God. God shares himself and his truth from love and to bring abundant life. When I reject his truth and hate myself, I act from a lie and seek to destroy my own life in one way or another. This attitude keeps me from loving my neighbor as myself (Mark 12:31), since I instead hate myself. As I believe toward myself, I will act toward others.
Hating myself isn’t humility. They’re not the same. Humility involves recognizing my dependence on God alone and submitting to his will. Self-hatred is prideful, rejecting the value God places upon me and his creation. Humility is a virtue. Self-hatred distorts the truth.
Humility understands my need for God’s grace. It’s not thinking less of myself (devaluing myself) but keeping the focus off of me and onto worshipping God and loving others. However, self-hatred keeps my eyes on me and my inability, dishonoring God and his love and forgiveness.
The ultimate end of self-hatred is destruction—spiritual, emotional, and physical. It alienates me from God and others, and it leads me away from my true purpose to love God and others.
God loves those who hate him.
God’s love is the selfless and eternal expression of his character, since God is love (1 John 4:8), which helps us understand his actions and mission. Unlike human love (conditional and often selfish), God’s love proves unchanging and perfect. His love for people exists independent of any human worthiness, and he demonstrates it through faithfulness and kindness. Exodus 34:6-7 declares him, “compassionate and gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness.” In this way, God loves even those who hate him.
Paul used the Greek word agape to describe God’s love since it conveys a divine and sacrificial love. Unlike other Greek words for love like philia (friendship) or eros (romantic), agape teaches a love not based on emotion or getting something in return. Agape deliberately chooses to seek the eternal good of others, no matter their response, even if they hate in return. Paul outlines characteristics of agape divine love in 1 Corinthians 13: patient, kind, selfless, never failing, rejoicing in truth.
And God revealed this love through his actions. “For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.” (John 3:16) God’s abundant love sacrifices his best for the benefit of any who would choose to repent and believe. God loves people even while they rebel against him (Romans 5:8). He reveals his continued love to a corrupt creation through daily provision, guidance, and care, like a shepherd (Psalm 23).
This love transforms people. Those who receive it are reconciled to the Father, experiencing forgiveness, peace, and eternal life. From this transformation, God’s love empowers believers to love others and reflect his character. Restored to God eternally, Christians enjoy the joy, hope, and promise of forever fellowship with him (Romans 8:38-39).
Okay. God loves everyone. But even me?
No human being is so special that God doesn’t love them. Again, to believe this is pride.
First, if God is love, he must love me or he wouldn’t be God. He shares his love with me regardless of my past, good or bad. It’s not based on performance but his very nature. Looking again at John 3:16, God abundantly loves the whole world, meaning all of humanity, inclusive and comprehensive. There’s no “except for these people” in the statement. This would obviously include me in his love. Even when humanity rebelled against him, often in horrible ways, he still provides a path to reconciliation and redemption through Jesus Christ. God’s love is active. He seeks to forgive and redeem, although he gives me the right to reject him.
God knows me individually, intimately, and loves me personally. He knows the hairs on my head (Luke 12:7). Psalm 139:13-14 says, “For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made.” God cared for me even before I was born. Even when I feel unworthy, God still loves me. “For I am convinced that neither death nor life...nor anything else in all creation will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:38-39) His love reaches out to me where I am, always offering forgiveness and eternal life if I will turn to him.
He loves all people, nations, and races. And he loves me individually, personally, fully, and eternally.
To hate myself is a sin.
God is love, and therefore can’t hate those made in his image, since he would be hating himself. And if God can’t hate himself, if I’m made in his image, then neither should I. And if God says it’s a sin to hate people (like murder), and I’m one of those people, then hating myself is a sin.
What does it mean to love myself?
God (being love) calls me to humbly submit myself to him, recognizing my absolute dependence upon him. He is the Creator; I am the creation. Depending upon him provides his love and grace, which I require to live in joy and peace. James 4:10 says, “Humble yourselves before the Lord, and he will lift you up.” Humility allows me to rest in the truth of how God created me individually and loves me. I need him to heal my brokenness and reveal my identity and purpose in him.
God’s love affirms my worth and purpose. Now in right relationship with the Father through the Son, my identity is rooted in Christ who redeemed me and calls me his own (2 Corinthians 5:17). God sees me as his beloved child (1 John 3:1), and my mind must be renewed according to the Lord’s view of my identity, embracing this new life he offers.
God’s love for me is inseparable from his love for others. When I understand the Father’s love for me, it changes how I see other people made in his image. 1 John 4:11 reminds us, “Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.” Just as I am valued and forgiven, others are equally loved and called by God. Self-hatred often isolates me and creates resentment, but God’s love transforms my heart to also see individuals with grace and compassion. God promises rewards for this complete love, through me to others. Loving others loves myself.
Loving myself includes continuing and enduring in a reconciled relationship with God, worshipping him and seeking the eternal good of others. This is the greatest good for me, as well. In submission to he who is love and being free to serve and seek the forever best for others, I am promised a rule and reign with Christ in the Kingdom of God in life to come.
Hating myself opposes God’s truth. Instead, I humbly submit to him, embrace my identity and purpose in Christ, love others, and follow Jesus in praise and worship. This leads me and others to healing and purpose.
Peace.
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