Comparison. The notorious thief that steals and sabotages sweet friendships. Ugh! Well, that sounds downright gloomy, doesn’t it? So, let me start with something more positive and say this. Ladies, we have a gift. Yes, that’s right - a precious gift that allows us to connect with one another in such a deep and meaningful way (Proverbs 27:9). How sweet is that?
Yet, sadly, Satan knows this, and he will do just about anything to destroy our relationships with other women. The truth is Satan has always been after the gentle, precious, and passionate heart of a woman from the very beginning. Just as he slithered in and tempted Eve with the lustful eye of deception, he can easily entice two women using comparison, jealousy, envy, and pride. These are often his methods of choice to cause strife, tension, and division in a female friendship. And while not all comparisons are bad, when they lead us to a place that desires to be something that we are not, then a friendship is likely to fall apart.
The bottom line is this: if God isn’t at the center of our friendships, the enemy has an open invitation to weasel his way in. So, let’s call out ways Satan uses the sneaky ploys of comparison and lean into our relational God, Who wants His beloved daughters to compare with compassion, using their beautiful gift of connection to encourage, support, love, and inspire one another.
1. The Enemy Uses Benchmarks
We are creatures of habit, aren’t we? After all, we buy self-help books or read articles on marriage, parenting, career goals, and achievements just to know we aren’t alone. All the while, we check out those statistical charts to see if we (or our children) are “hitting all the milestones,” with the underlying question being, “Do I measure up?” While this in and of itself isn’t wrong, it gets a little tricky when we begin to see our close friends (or even casual acquaintances) as a gauge for our success.
We typically go down two paths that come with the loaded thoughts (that are brought on by the deceiver), declaring:
1. I am doing better than (friend’s name)
2. (Friend’s name) is doing better than me
Sweet sister, we mustn’t entertain these thoughts. 2 Philippians 2:3 tells us not to do anything out of selfishness or conceit. So, when the scoreboard wants to come out between you and a friend, giving way to self-doubts or pride, set your eyes on the One that will remind you of your true worth and reclaim truth and humility in your heart. Then allow that to be a springboard to see your friends as precious companions, not competition.
2. The Enemy Tests Your Gifts
God has blessed us as His faithful followers and entrusts us with precious gifts to serve and grow His kingdom, yet the evil one has a very stealthy way of letting comparison seep in, with a malicious pursuit to stall or hinder our efforts. It may start out simple at first, but over time, this “icky feeling” slowly festers as we gaze upon a faithful friend and secretly think God is really using her for good. Was I gypped?
Yet, 1 Peter 4:10-11 calls for us to flip our perspective. Friends, we live in a world desperate for hope, and so many are searching for mercy, love, and grace. So, yes, there are people that God will place in your friend’s life just so they can come to know our loving God through her incredible gifts and talents. But He is also placing people in your life (maybe starting with the little people in your family), so don’t miss that.
It’s not about who has the better gift or talents or who is faithfully sharing them better (while Satan would love for us to believe that); it’s about honoring God with the blessing He has so graciously given us to share. The takeaway is that when we support one another in this effort to share God’s message of hope through our gifts, we realize there is no room for comparison because we are all on the same mission – to make Christ known.
3. The Enemy Infiltrates Your Social Media Feed
Oh, social media. It really gets a bad rap, doesn’t it? Maybe conviction tugs at your heart here as much as it does mine? Especially when I fall into the trap of watching endless reels or doing the mindless scroll only to find a few hours later that I still have piles of laundry to fold, dishes piled high in the sink, and dinner to prep. Grr.
Sure, social media has its benefits, but we must understand that looks can be deceiving. Think of Eve and that luscious apple that looked so sweet on the outside, but the inside was rotten to the core. When we’re scrolling through endless pictures of smiling families, posts on whimsical vacations, and reels on how to be a boss babe, the truth is they only show one side of the story - the outside. Our eyes aren’t allowed to see the inside of their stories that may have come with inner turmoil, endless struggles, and devastating times.
We can’t allow Satan to use these platforms as a playground for our hearts! We must be mindful and intentional about “why” we use socials in the first place. Then, use it as a springboard to reach out and meet those dear friends in person. Get to know what’s really going on “inside” their lives so you can be on a mission to support and encourage one another through the power of prayer (1 Thessalonians 5:11).
4. The Enemy Causes an Envious Eye
Satan has it out for our marriages and our children. Let me be very clear here: Satan is in the business of undoing families, and your family that is striving to honor and glorify God is a threat to him. That means you are his prime target! So, of course, he is going to mettle in your thoughts and place that “perfect” family in your path, with the “perfect” marriage or “perfect” children.
Do not fall for it! Let me repeat. Do not fall for this lie and trap of envious comparison. That’s exactly what it is. It is all a tactic to look at your friend’s blessings and fail to see your own! Paul addresses the issue of comparing and gives a warning in 2 Corinthians 12:10, after the church in Corinth basically told him that he wasn’t that impressive in person. In other words, they said his teachings (compared to the false and lively teachers at the time) were, how do you say, “meh.”
Paul must have been a little hurt by those rude and truly harsh sentiments. Yet, while he could have taken that to heart and grown a bit envious of other “religious” leaders, his response shows grace and humility. In not so many words, he claims that his life is not about winning a popularity contest but instead getting the gospel to speak for itself. Can you imagine if we all lived that way?
God never views us, our marriage, or our children as mediocre, so why should we? If God sees each of us as so valuable that He bought us with a price to secure our eternal future (1 Corinthians 6:20), we need to walk in a way that honors and values the blessing in our marriage and families.
Yet, in recognizing that each family has different dynamics, holding their own afflictions, when we do slip into comparing, we must seek to understand what we can glean from that and then pray that God restores areas in our families that need His great grace and divine mercy.
5. The Enemy Makes Your Faith Waver
We are all on a different faith journey, but spiritual comparison is real and running rampant, especially in the church. After all, as women, we are emotionally invested, so when it comes to glorifying the Lord and ways in which to do that within the church body, it’s easy for us to either boldly assert our opinions or feel we don’t have a voice. When led by God, these overtly passionate emotions can indeed be good, but sadly, it can also create great tension, making way for a battleground of our faith to emerge.
So, how do we stop this blatant attack from the enemy? How do we step out in our faith without looking at her with a tinge of frustration or envy? How do we become women on a mission – working together?
The truth is that God knows exactly where you are when it comes to your faith journey, and He isn’t expecting you to be like her; He wants you to be you! He is growing your faith as He shapes and molds you to be more and more of the daughter He needs you to be. He is etching things in your heart. He is placing gifts in your life. He is putting certain people in your life to serve, love, and bless. His plans for your life are designed and tailor-made just for you and come with a purpose that fits every part of your inner and outer makeup.
That said, He has placed faithful women in your life to learn and grow from, as well as to mentor and serve. When we look to our sisters in Christ with eyes of compassion and see them as the beautiful daughters God created them to be, there is little to no room for jealousy or contempt, but only the gift of gracefully woven, sisterly love.
Father, You are such a good, wise, and loving God. We are so grateful that You see us and the nature of our hearts. Grant us the ability to take this beautiful gift of fellowship You so gracious have given us with our faithful sisters, and not bend to comparison, but rather to compassion. We long to honor You! Amen.
Originally published Tuesday, 16 April 2024.