It is human to feel anger.
In fact, it's human to feel all kinds of emotions. God made us with the ability to feel deeply, and it isn't a sin to feel angry. Whether or not anger becomes a sinful response depends on the state of our hearts and what we do with the emotions we're feeling. As I always remind my children, "Out of the abundance of the heart, the mouth speaks (Matthew 12:34). In other words, an angry heart is more likely to produce an angry, sinful response.
Unfortunately, according to recent statistics, we're seeing an increase in children, tweens, and teens seeking counseling because of a struggle with anger. You've probably seen it with your own eyes. Children yell at their parents, threaten them, and respond unreasonably to the otherwise normal ups, downs, requests, and corrections of those who are in authority over them. When they're little, parents can physically restrain their children when they get out of control, but it becomes much harder to deal with when they're bigger and stronger than we are.
Again, feeling anger is a normal human response. Everyone experiences it from time to time—even anger that makes us regret hasty actions and rash words we have to ask forgiveness for—but when the anger goes beyond what's normal, a well-intentioned parent may feel helpless and at their whit's end (and they wouldn't be alone). Knowing what to do to help your child is hard. Getting them to agree to get help could be even harder. But there is one thing you can always do, anytime, anywhere, no matter what.
I invite you to start the process of getting the help you need with prayer.
As my friend Tricia Goyer says in Praying God's Word for Your Angry Child, "Praying is essential because it is a way to invite God into your child's life. As parents, we want the best for our children. We can read books, attend therapy sessions, and try different techniques. Ultimately, we are still determining what we can do. However, when we pray for our children, we ask God to intervene. We acknowledge that we cannot fix everything independently and surrender our children to God's care."
Prayer is one of the most important parts of Christian parenting today. Unfortunately, it's also one of the most overlooked and underutilized. God has assured us that when we need wisdom, He'll give it (James 1:5). I suggest praying God's Word for your children because it's "living and active...able to judge the thoughts and intentions of the heart" (Hebrews 4:12) and because it will do exactly what God purposes for it to do in the heart of your child (Isaiah 55:11). Prayer is a partnership between you and the God Who loves your child more than you do. He will use your prayers in the life of your child and in your own heart to make you more like Him.
With that in mind, here are three scriptures to pray for your angry child:
"What is the source of wars and fights among you? Don’t they come from your passions that wage war within you? You desire and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and wage war. You do not have because you do not ask. You ask and don’t receive because you ask with wrong motives so that you may spend it on your pleasures."
Prayer:
Father, help my children to understand the truth about where conflict comes from. Open their eyes to what's happening in their own hearts as they desire things they don't have. Show them the way their passions cause them to sin, and when they ask something of You, show them the true motives of their hearts.
"A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise person holds it in check."
Prayer:
Father, teach my children to keep their anger in check, not allowing it to get out of control and not giving it full vent.
"Don’t let your spirit rush to be angry, for anger abides in the heart of fools."
Prayer:
Lord, reveal any anger in the hearts of my children and give them restraint that prevents them from rushing into an angry response.
If you suspect that your child is dealing with anger, begin praying right away. Look to God's Word to show you what to pray and bring your petitions to the Lord on their behalf, night and day. You might not always know what to do, but you can always know what to pray. If you need help learning to pray God's Word, download your free copy of my how-to guide, How to Pray God's Word for Your Children. And don't forget to pray for yourself. Ask God to give you the wisdom you need to shepherd your child well in this life and to show you the right way. Keep your eyes on Him, and He'll make your paths straight (Proverbs 3:5-6).
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