Ahinoam may not be a name that rings any bells. It’s probably up there with Haggith in terms of King David’s obscure wives. Still, Ahinoam was one of the first whom King David married. Unfortunately, the Bible doesn’t have much to say about her. With much of the focus on these wives’ sons, these women can fade into the narratives’ backgrounds.
Still, we can learn a great deal from anyone in the Bible, large or small chorus roles. And the same applies to David’s wife, Ahinoam. In this article, we’ll dive into her life, her sons, and what we can learn from her.
Where Does the Bible First Mention Ahinoam?
Ahinoam is first mentioned in 1 Samuel 14:50, described as the wife of King Saul—or at least one of them.
We should mention that biblical scholars differ in whether David married Saul’s Ahinoam or a completely different Ahinoam. It’s not completely out of the realm of possibility that he had married Saul’s wife when Saul died—something not uncommon for kings of nations at the time.
Still, the Bible seems to clarify that David married Ahinoam during his seven years on the run from King Saul. It would be hard to believe that Saul’s wife would leave him to marry a renegade.
With that said, where else is Ahinoam mentioned in the Bible?
1 Samuel 25 says that Ahinoam was from Jezreel—a place that would later be where King Saul died. At this time, David was also married to Abigail. It doesn’t say who came first. We know that Ahinoam’s son likely would’ve contended for the throne without his heinous actions against Tamar. We should also note that David appears to have separated or divorced Michal, Saul’s daughter, by this point. We’ll dive into that in a little bit.
1 Samuel 27 once again mentions her ties to the land of Jezreel.
1 Samuel 30 mentions that enemies of Israel, the Amalekites, kidnapped David’s wives, including Ahinoam.
And 2 Samuel 3 mentions that Ahinoam has David’s firstborn son, Amnon. More on him in a moment.
And that’s it. That’s all we hear about her.
Why Did David Leave His First Wife Michal?
So it seems scholars differ regarding who came first, Ahinoam or Michal.
We know that when David was an established king, and the ark of the covenant came to Jerusalem, Michal got angry at David for praising God in his town square. Because of this, she never has children (2 Samuel 6:23).
But does David divorce her? Not exactly.
While Saul was king and decided to kill David, Michal helped David escape Saul (1 Samuel 19:11-13). After that, Saul married her off to another man (1 Samuel 25:44). David took Michal back when he returned from his seven-year exile (2 Samuel 3:13-16). David may have taken her back for political reasons (regaining Saul’s daughter as his wife cementing his position as Saul’s successor) or because he wanted her back. The Bible isn’t totally clear on his motivations.
We can tell that, at least after David returned, this was likely an unhappy marriage. Michal not only couldn’t have kids, but she had several wives to compete against. No doubt Ahinoam and the other wives wouldn’t have been shy at reminding Michal of her place. In Ancient Near Eastern cultures, a woman’s worth came from the number of sons she could birth.
We never get to see the character of Ahinoam. The Bible doesn’t let us glimpse that. Instead, we get a glimpse at her awful son, Amnon.
Which of David’s Sons Did Ahinoam Have?
The Bible only mentions Ahinoam having one child. She may have had more (daughters often get left out of genealogies), but we don’t know. But there is one son that stands out in the biblical narrative: Amnon.
You may have heard of him before. He gets infatuated with his half-sister Tamar. So he pretends to be sick, gets her alone, and sexually assaults her.
Pretty upstanding guy, huh? We don’t hear much else about his character, but that should be enough to tell us he was bad news.
Before we can conclude about Ahinoam’s parenting skills, we must understand that she may not have had much of a role to play in this. She likely would’ve coached Ahinoam on possible kingly duties, as he was technically first in line.
But Ahinoam likely would’ve had teachers and servants who helped “raise” him. One person helps him set up this scene—his cousin Jonadab, who suggests the “pretend to be sick” plan. Often, when someone goes bad, we like to blame the parents. And sometimes, bad parenting plays a role. Yet, sometimes, the parents did all they could. They tried to “raise up (their) children in the way that they should go” (Proverbs 22:6), but their children still walked down a path of darkness.
How Did Ahinoam’s Son Amnon Die?
Ahinoam was murdered by his half-brother Absalom. You may have also heard of him. He later leads a coup against King David and ends up killed himself.
But in the case of Amnon, he’s killed when Absalom gets him drunk and strikes him down. Absalom later flees, perhaps anticipating the repercussions of regicide.
Because King David did nothing about Tamar’s rape, Absalom decided to take matters into his own hands. Absalom will later learn that he can’t always do this. When he tries to do this again, one of David’s men kills him while he’s hanging from a tree by his hair.
We can imagine that after the death of Amnon, his mother must’ve been devastated. We have no idea what their relationship looked like. Maybe they didn’t know each other much, or maybe Amnon was a treasure to Ahinoam, being her only listed son in Scripture.
Can We Learn Anything from Ahinoam’s Story?
The lives of King David’s wives are often sad and heartbreaking. So much bloodshed happens, and they likely were victims rather than perpetrators. With that in mind, what can we learn from this woman?
First, nothing good can come out of polyamorous relationships. Many people will point to the Bible and say, “See, the Bible never says anything against polygamy. It must be fine.” But any time we see a relationship of this type in the Bible, it always ends in disaster. Even if Abigail, Ahinoam, Haggith, etc., had a civil relationship with one another, we can imagine there was a sense of competition. Perhaps backstabbing, slander, and the like all took place as these queens hoped to have their sons vie for the ultimate position of power over Israel.
Secondly, Ahinoam saw David during his most desperate moments. She married him during his seven-year exile. She would’ve seen him poor, starving, homeless. She had no guarantee that he would return to his rightful throne or that Saul would perish in battle. She would’ve also seen him when he lost two sons to bloodshed. Throughout this, there’s no indication that Ahinoam deserted him. Her polyamorous marriage to David wasn’t right, but the indications are she made the best of it, loyally staying by his side.
Finally, Ahinoam was a grieving mother. She knows what it was like to lose a son very early on in his life. Amnon had to have been in his twenties when Absalom killed him. Don’t get me wrong, Amnon was a horrible person who committed horrible acts. But behind him, we hear the silent cries of a mother. Someone who nursed him, heard his first words, and watched every benchmark as he grew older.
The Bible is full of women who have lost their children. I think about Herod, who ordered all babies and toddlers to be slain in Bethlehem. Rachel cries out, refusing to be comforted. We can imagine the same picture for Ahinoam. And if we have lost someone, we can grieve along with her.
Photo Credit: Getty Images/Creative-Family
Hope Bolinger is an acquisitions editor at End Game Press, book editor for hire, and the author of almost 30 books. More than 1500 of her works have been featured in various publications. Check out her books at hopebolinger.com for clean books in most genres, great for adults and kids. Check out her editing profile at Reedsy.com to find out about hiring her for your next book project.
This article is part of our People of Christianity catalog that features the stories, meaning, and significance of well-known people from the Bible and history. Here are some of the most popular articles for knowing important figures in Christianity:
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