Before I got hitched, I used to hear church folk rehash the warning that the devil is after marriages. It left me wondering whether the devil wasn't being accorded more credit than he deserved. But now, having been knee-deep in marriage for 12 years, I get it. Totally. The enemy is indeed in hot pursuit after marriage. He will grab any chance he has to tear a marriage apart. He has a track record of stealing, killing, and destroying, after all.
God ordained marriage to reflect the relationship between Christ and the Church. Paul asks wives to submit to their husbands as to the Lord whereas husbands are to love their wives just as Christ loved the Church and gave Himself for her. Marriage is also where God's instruction for man to multiply and fill the earth is fulfilled.
The enemy doesn't take marriage lightly and will do all it takes to sabotage it. When he spots a loophole, he will use it as a launching pad for his attacks. Paul warns us against offering the devil a foothold:
“In your anger do not sin: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.” (Ephesians 4:26-27)
The Collins dictionary describes a foothold as a strong or favorable position from which further advances or progress may be made. We may be oblivious of the footholds lurking in our marriages but the devil is not. He is extremely swift at spotting them. He prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour (1 Peter 5:8).
Here are some things you can do to seal the loopholes in your marriage.
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1. Pray for Your Marriage
“Simon, Simon, Satan has asked to sift all of you as wheat. But I have prayed for you, Simon, that your faith may not fail. And when you have turned back, strengthen your brothers.” (Luke 22:31-32)
Like in the case of Peter, the devil would love to sift our marriages like wheat. The antidote that Jesus gave to this is prayer.
Jesus Himself prayed for Peter so that his faith would not fail. Prayer destroys the plans of the enemy in our lives and establishes God's perfect will.
Paul taught that we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, rulers of darkness, and spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places (Ephesians 6:12). These powers can only be disarmed through prayer.
Make it a habit to pray for your marriage. Pray for oneness, love, peace, good health, protection, honesty, fidelity, growth and forgiveness. Ask the Lord to seal up any loopholes lurking in your marriage.
When we pray, we acknowledge our dependence and trust in God and He loves that. Unless the Lord builds your marriage, you and your spouse will labor in vain.
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2. Fight against Drifting Apart
“So then, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let not man separate.” (Mathew 19:6)
One of the major pitfalls in marriage is when couples allow their God-ordained unity to be compromised.
When a couple gets married, they cease being two individuals and become one. This unity must be intentionally nurtured and guarded. It doesn't have to take another human being to separate a couple. Many couples end up drifting apart and this gives the enemy a loophole.
Drifting apart mainly happens when the marriage starts to lose its novelty and when life gets hectic. The couple is often caught up in their careers, raising kids, and furthering their studies among other responsibilities. It doesn't help when you throw familiarity into the mix. Their unity as a couple is no longer a priority, and resentment towards each other is inevitable.
Some of the things couples can do to insulate their marriages from drifting apart include spending intentional time together, exploring hobbies/interests together, prioritizing physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy, and keeping their communication lines open.
The enemy will want you and your spouse to drift apart so that he can get a foothold. Out of disunity, he sows discord, strife, resentment, mistrust, and even infidelity.
Couples should remember that since marriage is a long-term commitment, it requires ongoing intentionality and resolve, committing to each other over and over again.
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3. Meet Your Spouse’s Needs
"Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others." (Philippians 2:4 BSB)
Your spouse was madly in love with you alright, but that's not the only reason they agreed to marry you. There was more.
They had a set of emotional, spiritual, and physical needs and you, out of several other people, convinced them that you could meet their needs down to a T. What's interesting about these needs is that their needs may be polar opposite from yours and therefore prioritized differently.
As such, each spouse may be outdoing themselves meeting the needs they prioritize but unfortunately fail to float their partner's boat. Sadly, a lot of couples haven't the slightest idea on how to meet their spouse's needs and that becomes a loophole for the enemy.
Imagine if you emptied your savings to buy a car only to discover that it was faulty from the get-go. It keeps stalling on the road and ends up costing you an arm and a leg to have it repaired. Such an experience would undoubtedly make you regret having purchased that car. You would feel duped.
In the same way, when we don't meet our spouse's needs, they feel shortchanged. They walked into marriage hoping to have their needs met only to languish in disappointment.
In his book His Needs, Her Needs author and marriage counselor, Willard F. Harley, Jr. lists men's top five basic needs. He observes that they are sexual fulfillment, recreational companionship, an attractive spouse, domestic support, and admiration. He on the other hand details a woman's top five basic needs as affection, conversation, honesty and openness, financial support, and family commitment.
Willard further observes that one way of affair-proofing a marriage is seeking to know your partner's top priority needs and meeting them. Spouses who live with unfulfilled needs are more prone to forging unhealthy relationships with other people which can lead to affairs/infidelity.
If you are at a loss for what your partner's needs are, the best way to find out is to ask them. By seeking to meet their needs, you are fortifying your marriage against the enemy.
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4. Avoid Comparing Your Spouse
“But godliness with contentment is great gain.” (1 Timothy 6:6)
It takes a few minutes of scrolling through your socials before spotting a picture-perfect couple. This couple, unlike you and your spouse, seem to have it all together. They are in sync both emotionally and physically. What's more?
They seem to be the perfect parents raising near-perfect kids. It leaves you wondering why you have not been as lucky in your marriage. But the problem is not you, you figure. The problem is your spouse.
Comparing your spouse is another loophole for the enemy. Besides people on social media, you could be comparing your spouse to a colleague, your best friend's spouse, your spiritual leader, or even your next-door neighbor. This is downright unfair and degrading to them.
It makes your spouse lose value in your eyes and triggers resentment in you. It also blinds you to the many attributes that your spouse possesses. Their worth pales in your eyes and you may start withdrawing affection towards them.
At worst, comparing your spouse can lead to an affair as the discontentment spirals out of control. The truth is that there isn't a perfect couple on God's green earth. The couple that you are splitting hairs about has their equal share of challenges. Perhaps if you got a sneak peek into their plights, you would swell up with gratitude for your spouse.
When you got married, you slammed that door shut. You vowed to be faithful to your spouse in the good and awful times. God expects you to forge ahead with your spouse without being sidetracked by other people.
Don't allow the enemy to gain a foothold in your marriage by comparing your spouse, or by any other sneaky means. Remember, when you strengthen your marriage against Satan's attacks, you aren't just protecting your marriage--You are protecting a sacred, living symbol of Christ's love for his Church. What a gift to participate in this divine story.
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Originally published Friday, 23 February 2024.