“Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights." - James 1:17a KJV
Christmas was right around the corner, and I could already feel the weight of worry settling into my fragile heart. Christmas had always been a big deal in my home, and it was my favorite time of year, but the upcoming holiday was just not going to be the same.
I normally looked forward to all the shopping trips, searching for all the perfect gifts for my children and family and imagining their excitement on Christmas morning. Even though they had gotten older, one in high school and two in college, my heart still longed to bless them with gifts just as much as I did when they were little.
But this year, not only was my Christmas spirit missing, but the ability to shop was as well.
A couple of years after a very abrupt and painful divorce, I found myself in dire straits, and my finances were strapped, to say the least. Fear and worry over money issues were my constant companions, which didn’t stop just because the holiday season was upon us.
After crunching numbers, scrimping, and trying to figure things out, I finally had to accept that I couldn’t change anything, and I had no choice but to have a conversation that felt hard.
So, one day in early December, I asked my three children to sit with me to talk. I looked into their eyes, with tears in mine, and saw looks of concern spread across their faces. They knew things had been tough, and we had all been struggling, but I still wanted to let them know that this Christmas would simply have to be different. I knew it wouldn’t be totally surprising news to them, but their response still took me by surprise and blessed my heart more than words can ever express.
When there are always more days in the month than money in the checking account, especially when receiving no child support or financial assistance on top of being unemployed, life is stressful enough. But then, when December rolls around and the push for holiday gift shopping takes center stage, the unwelcome gifts of stress and anxiety can steal all the joy from our spirit.
This year, instead of asking my children what they wanted for Christmas, with a quiver in my voice, I had to let them know that the quantity of gifts would pale compared to years past. Instead of my usual mantra of “I shouldn’t” spend too much money on Christmas, I found myself saying, “I literally can’t.” But instead of appearing upset or confused, their eyes lit up with love, and their arms reached out with hugs of reassurance. They were understanding and compassionate, each one firmly claiming they didn’t need anything anyway and everything would be fine.
Fortunately, even though they surely felt a secret twinge of disappointment, their hearts echoed mine in believing that quality time, traditions, and enjoying the holidays together far outweighed the importance of tangible store-bought gifts. Their gifts to me of compassion, support, maturity, and unconditional love were more priceless than anything they could have wrapped in boxes, paper, and bows.
Gifts from the heart are the best and most important gifts we can give during this season of giving, but all too often, we forget that truth in the midst of all the holiday commercialization coupled with our desire as moms to do everything we can for our children. We cave into the pressure of buying more and more, even if it means piling up debt. We think we have to keep up with the Jones’ and that our kids will suffer if they don’t have the newest gadgets or name-brand clothing.
But if we change our perspective about gift giving and teach our children to do the same, hearts and holidays will change, too. And that’s exactly what Jesus wants us to remember during this special season when we celebrate the gift of His birth.
At the beginning of James Chapter One, James, the brother of Jesus, encourages God’s people to pursue lives pleasing Him. He encourages them not to be tempted by sin or discontentment but to focus on the Giver of all of their blessings. He then says in today’s key verse, “Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights,” which is intended to pull our attention away from the gifts the world views as valuable and draw our attention to the priceless gifts we receive from heaven which only the Father can give.
According to the words James penned, gifts from God are “good,” meaning morally excellent, of great benefit, and never losing value, and “perfect,” meaning complete and without flaw. None of the gifts we might buy can hold up to this standard of good and perfect. James refers to gifts like salvation, grace, compassion, love, provision, peace, mercy, abundance, and eternal life. Gifts like His unwavering Presence, time, listening ear, and unconditional love. Gifts that positively impact us every single day.
These types of gifts—intangible ones that enrich our lives in heart, soul, and spirit—are the best kinds of gifts we can give to the important people in our lives. They are the gifts that are rarely forgotten and hopefully never taken for granted.
My kids likely don’t remember what gifts I bought them that Christmas or most of the Christmases prior - despite all the time, love, and money I put into shopping for those gifts each year. Honestly, I don’t even remember them myself. But what we all do remember is the times we spent together, the family traditions we shared, the closeness we felt even in the midst of difficult circumstances, the love that was felt, and all the new memories made.
Maybe you can’t afford Christmas for your children or loved ones this year, and guilt and heartache are setting in. Maybe you’re stressing over figuring out how to buy said gifts, knowing it’s either impossible or will just make things worse financially if you do. I’m here to tell you, sweet friend, it is okay if you don’t, and your love matters more than anything you could put under a tree. Your children won’t remember what you bought them. They will remember how they felt and the love of family and friends poured upon them.
Tangible gifts do not make a Christmas great—love does. What we can always afford is to spend quality time with the important people in our lives, creating memories and experiences and making them feel more loved and treasured than any store-bought gift ever could.
It’s hard not to let the stress of finances, gift-giving, and holiday hustle and bustle steal our peace during the holiday season, especially in the aftermath of separation or divorce. One of Tracie’s books could be just what you need to help you enjoy life, even if it’s not the life you imagined. Find joy in the midst of hard seasons and help you hang onto peace this Christmas. Check out her books at traciemiles.com/bookstore/.
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Anna Ostanina