The hit song by the Clash, Should I Stay or Should I Go, shouldn't run through your head as you pull into the parking lot for church on a Sunday morning. But there are times when we get to this place. It's a painful decision to make. But is it even a question we should be asking? Does the Bible ever excuse (or even encourage) leaving a church?
Knowing Why the Fence Is There
G.K. Chesteron once advised that we shouldn't remove a fence until we know why it was put up in the first place. His point was that if we willy-nilly move fences without ever considering why they are there, we increase the likelihood of falling prey to unintended consequences. It might be okay to remove the fence, but you need to first know why it was put there.
Likewise, the first step in answering this question is knowing why it is even being asked. If you aren't at least wrestling with how to answer this question, then it's possible that you aren't feeling the weight of this decision.
When we become part of a local church, we covenant with other believers to live life together. Church isn't simply a place you attend on Sunday morning. If that's your view or experience, you aren't exactly "leaving a church." You're just deciding to shop elsewhere. You never planted the type of roots that would necessitate asking such a question.
Joining a church is a bit like making a vow. There are consequences to breaking a vow. The Scripture takes such a thing very seriously (Numbers 30:2). This should weigh heavily upon us as we think about what it means to leave a church. We shouldn't take this lightly. But there are a few reasons why we might be excused from leaving a church—and a few others where we might even be encouraged to do so.
When It's Okay to Leave
I'll confess that part of me here has a real concern for those who have been involved in cults. Cults will keep people enslaved to their harmful ways by pointing to the seriousness of vows, the seriousness of the Bible's call to stay together and love one another through thick and thin, etc. Therefore, part of me wants to answer the question at hand by saying, "Anytime you want."
Yet, I also believe such an answer might be overly simplistic. It might be an overswing. Sometimes, a person does not have grounds for leaving a church. When this happens, it will stunt your spiritual growth and likely impact the local church. Perhaps it might be best to list a few reasons that are NOT good reasons to leave a church you've committed to.
Potentially shallow reasons for leaving a church:
- I don't like the services they are providing
- I don't like the preaching style or the music style
- We disagree on tertiary doctrines
- They got rid of my favorite program
- I disagree with the pastor's politics (or that of other members)
- It's gotten too small, or it's grown too big
- Someone hurt my feelings
- I don't like the kind of people the church is bringing in
- I don't need church anymore
There are probably as many shallow reasons for leaving as there are people. Those are a few. And some of them could be indicators of more serious issues. "Someone hurt my feelings" could be that a member has been abandoned or is being abused. In such an instance, it might fall into another category. Likewise, saying, "I don't like the services they are providing," could indicate that you aren't growing spiritually. Perhaps those around you are treating the church like a country club. Maybe leaving would be permissible. Here are a few other times when it might be okay to leave.
Potentially legitimate reasons to leave
- My spouse will not go here, but they'll go over there
- I've had a significant doctrinal shift
- I am withering spiritually. I've reached out to leadership, but nobody has responded.
- The church is no longer engaging in mission
- I have no opportunity to serve, and I've tried
- I can no longer trust the leaders
- They are always fighting
Again, there are plenty of gray areas in each of these questions. Some of them could be shallow. Is that doctrinal shift really that significant? Are some of these because of your own personal sin and not that of leadership? Yet, there are potentially legitimate reasons here.
Is the church no longer engaged in mission? Has it morphed so that its "mission" seems to drum up voters for its political party? Has something other than Jesus become the core identity of the fellowship? Have you tried to voice concerns and pursue change to no avail? Are your "questions" causing even more disunity? Perhaps it's time to go.
Paul and Barnabas were both faithful to Jesus and loved the Lord. Neither was trapped in unrepentant sin (that we know of) or enveloped by doctrinal error (that we know of). They simply disagreed with each other about what to do with Mark. It was really a personality and philosophical clash. They decided that perhaps they could further the gospel by going their separate ways better than they could elsewhere. Maybe that's your situation, too.
These areas have quite a bit of gray in them. As Augustine said many years ago, I'd counsel, "Love God, and do what you want." God often works through our desires. If God is giving you peace about leaving, and you've made every effort to live at peace with the people there, then perhaps you are free to go.
Sometimes you've got to go.
When God Might Be Encouraging You to Leave
If you are involved in a cult (See here: https://www.biblestudytools.com/bible-study/topical-studies/what-are-the-warning-signs-of-a-cult.html), this isn't a "maybe." You need to leave now! If God has opened your eyes and you have an inkling to leave, don't waver. Now is the time to go. Worry about ministering to those still involved when you can get out and get healthy yourself.
Similarly, there are some situations where the gospel has been entirely abandoned, and the church has swallowed false teaching. Or they are not dealing with division, gossip, and such. If you cannot obey Titus 3:10 in your local church, God may very well be encouraging you to leave.
Is the church covering up abuse? Are they actively abusing others? Is the structure such that change isn't possible? Has an unhealthy and ungodly leader taken the reins, and is there no way to be drawn back? It's likely time to leave. You don't want to continue to be complicit with the evil there.
There are a few good reasons to leave. If you are no longer in proximity to that local church—I know that you have sentimental connections to that church and deep affection for it—you need to find a church there. Leave the old one and pursue a fellowship where you can serve and grow locally.
Another good reason to leave is that God calls you to a mission elsewhere. The local church should celebrate that. This happens often. Is God calling you to take the gospel in a place where Jesus isn't named? Partner with your local church and let them send you. Are you called to help another church—even one locally? Celebrate God's direction in your life and obey.
Conclusion
Leaving a church is a difficult decision and should not be taken lightly. One word of caution, though: Very rarely does God call us from a place when He isn't also calling us to another place. One of the major reasons people stop going to church altogether is that they move from one community to the next, or they simply stop attending one church and fail to pick up another. Don't let that be you.
If these questions are plaguing you, there are healthy ways to walk through them. Talk with the leadership of your church. Talk with close friends. How they respond will be telling. Are they angry? Do they try to shame you? Or are they encouraging your spiritual growth? Are they trying to figure out how to make things work in the local church you are already in? Are they partnering with you and walking through this decision with you?
If you're unable even to have this conversation, it might be because you know your reasons for leaving aren't legitimate. Or it could be that you subtly know that you are in an abusive culture. That will be telling.
This could also be a healthy experience for you and the local church you are part of. Imagine that you go to your leaders, and they understand the struggles you are having. They pray with you and walk with you through some of the difficult questions. They even have you consider attending a few other local churches. Might those be a better fit for you? And would it be possible for you to thank the Lord for His direction in your life together as you walk through this journey? This doesn't have to be a tragedy.
Photo Credit: Image created using AI technology and subsequently edited and reviewed by our editorial team.
Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is http://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake. Mike has a new writing project at Proverbs4Today.
