People throw around the word “love” in different contexts, yet we encounter confusion when we try to define exactly what love is. The Bible uses separate terms for the four types of love: agape, storge, eros, and phileo.
Words have meaning, and constructive conversation requires us to have the same definitions for the words we use. What do we mean when we use a word like “love”? We apply the word to our spouse, a dog, or a hamburger. We inherently know these aren’t the same kind of love, and they each have different levels of importance, but how should we clarify these things?
God isn’t a god of confusion, and thankfully, Scripture takes advantage of the Greek language and its four terms for love. These help us better understand God’s message and how we are to relate to him and others.
What Are the Four Types of Love in the Bible?
Agape Love
We’ll begin with the highest and greatest form of love in Scripture, agape. Paul felt he needed to distinguish God’s love from any other, and he defined agape love in the famous 1 Corinthians 13. Agape represents unconditional, selfless, and sacrificial love, which God demonstrates toward humanity. When we follow Christ, God calls us to emulate and express this love in our relationships with others. Agape seeks all people’s eternal well-being and interests, even at great personal cost. When discussing the following three types of love, agape undergirds our ability to love in every way.
Phileo Love
Phileo refers to friendship or brotherly love, characterized by mutual affection, trust, and camaraderie. This love exists between friends and companions sharing common interests, experiences, and values.
Storge Love
Greek uses storge love to describe natural affection and loyalty in family relationships when expressing love among close family. This love exists between parents and children, siblings, and other family members, rooted in kinship bonds and shared experiences.
Eros Love
Finally, we have eros, which refers to romantic or passionate love characterized by desire, attraction, and intimacy between partners. It encompasses romantic love’s physical, emotional, and spiritual aspects, the love between husband and wife.
Although some may be, these definitions don’t need to be mutually exclusive. For instance, a healthy husband-and-wife relationship enjoys eros, storge, and phileo love while also symbolizing God’s agape. Other family and friendships can overlap, as well. However, boundaries exist. Friends or family shouldn’t cross into eros, specifically.
Because God is love, and all love comes from him, agape lifts every love to an eternal one.
Understanding Agape Love
The Bible frequently emphasizes God’s agape love for humanity, portraying it as unmerited, steadfast, and enduring. John 3:16, perhaps the most famous verse on love, says, “For God so loved the world, that he gave his only Son, that whoever believes in him should not perish but have eternal life.” God revealed his abundant love for humanity through the gift of Jesus, his Son, to provide salvation and eternal life.
In Romans 5:8, the apostle Paul writes, “But God shows his love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” We didn’t deserve this love, but he gave it willingly for us. The Prodigal Son parable illustrates this divine love and forgiveness through the father’s compassionate response to his wayward son. Despite the son’s rebellion and wealth squandering, the father welcomes him back with open arms, demonstrating God’s heart and desire for reconciliation.
Jesus’ followers walk in God’s love. Jesus instructs his disciples to relate to one another through divine love: “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another. By this all people will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another” (John 13:34-35). Agape love becomes his followers’ defining characteristic, demonstrating the transformative power of selfless love in building Christian community.
God calls us to love our neighbors, our community, with such divine, selfless love. The Good Samaritan parable (Luke 10:25-37) exemplifies agape love through the actions of a Samaritan man showing compassion and care for a wounded stranger despite their cultural and ethnic differences. The Samaritan goes out of his way to help the desperately injured man, providing for his needs and ensuring his health, showing love and mercy.
Understanding Eros Love
God created sex and physical expressions of love, and the Scripture includes God’s design for eros, complete with proper boundaries to enjoy it without self-destruction.
Genesis 2:24 lays the foundation for marital intimacy and union between a husband and wife. It states, “Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.” This verse expresses God’s heart for man and wife even before the Fall, emphasizing the deep unity and intimacy within marriage, the proper and joyful place to become “one flesh.”
The entire Song of Solomon vividly portrays eros love between the bride and groom. In Song of Solomon 1:2, the bride longs for her beloved, saying, “Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth! For your love is better than wine.” Throughout the book, the bride and groom exchange passionate declarations of love, celebrating their physical, emotional, and spiritual intimacy, waiting until the wedding to consummate.
The Scripture tells the married couple to find this eros joy within each other. “Let your fountain be blessed, and rejoice in the wife of your youth, a lovely deer, a graceful doe. Let her breasts fill you at all times with delight; be intoxicated always in her love.” (Proverbs 5:18-19) In the New Testament, Paul addresses the importance of continued physical intimacy between husband and wife as healthy and godly (1 Corinthians 7).
Agape finds its way into the marriage relationship. Although not explicitly mentioning eros love, Ephesians 5:25 instructs husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church, sacrificially and selflessly. “Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Understanding Storge Love
God instituted the family in the beginning, as well, before the Fall, so the Bible highlights family relationships as examples of storge love.
Genesis 33:4 shows storge love between Jacob and his brother Esau. After years of estrangement and conflict, Jacob prepares to meet Esau, fearing for his safety but desiring reconciliation. When they finally meet, Esau runs to embrace Jacob, “and Esau ran to meet him and embraced him and fell on his neck and kissed him, and they wept.” Despite past grievances, this emotional reunion illustrates the enduring bond of familial affection and forgiveness.
The book of Ruth provides a beautiful example of storge love between Ruth, a Moabite woman, and her Israelite mother-in-law, Naomi. After their husbands die, Ruth chooses to remain with Naomi and accompany her to Bethlehem, declaring, “Where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge. Your people shall be my people, and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16). Ruth’s devotion to Naomi demonstrates a deep and abiding loyalty and affection, rooted in their familial relationship. God rewards Ruth’s character through Boaz’s redemption.
First Timothy 5:8 emphasizes providing for one’s family. “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” God calls believers to care for and support their family members, reflecting the natural affection and concern that should characterize familial relationships.
Since God reveals himself as Father, the relationship between parents and children holds importance. Ephesians 6:1-3 addresses this: "Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. ‘Honor your father and mother’ (this is the first commandment with a promise), ‘that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.’” By bringing in one of the Ten Commandments, this passage emphasizes the mutual respect and affection that should exist between parents and children, reflecting the bonds of storge love within the family unit.
Jesus modeled the love for parents and family, especially with his mother. The Gospels depict moments of tender affection and concern between Jesus and Mary, such as Jesus’ care for His mother from the cross, when he entrusts her to a beloved disciple who will care for her (John 19:26-27). This act demonstrates Jesus’ storge love, reflecting the family’s natural affection and bond.
Understanding Phileo Love
Jesus’ relationship with his disciples went beyond religious organization or student/teacher. He called them friends: “No longer do I call you servants, for the servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all that I have heard from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15). A close bond of friendship and mutual trust existed between Jesus and his followers through shared experiences and intimate relationship.
People often cite the friendship between David and Jonathan as modeling phileo love. Despite different backgrounds and their relationship causing conflicts within Jonathon’s family, David and Jonathan form a deep and enduring friendship characterized by mutual respect and loyalty. First Samuel 18:1 says, “As soon as he had finished speaking to Saul, the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David, and Jonathan loved him as his own soul.”
The Bible reveals Paul’s relationship with his disciple Timothy as a deep and affectionate bond. In Philippians 2:20, Paul describes Timothy as genuinely caring for others: “. . . I have no one like him, who will be genuinely concerned for your welfare.” Timothy’s sincere and selfless devotion to people reflected the essence of phileo love.
Throughout the New Testament, there are numerous references to the close-knit community of believers who shared a bond of phileo love. Acts 2:42-47 describes the early Christian church in Jerusalem: “And they devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and the fellowship, to the breaking of bread and the prayers.” A sense of unity, mutual support, and care infused the early Christian community, reflecting both phileo and storge love among believers.
Understanding the four types of love—storge (familial love), philia (friendship love), eros (romantic love), and agape (unconditional love)—opens our hearts to the diverse ways we connect with others. Each form of love adds a unique richness to our lives. Think about the warmth of a family gathering, the joy of laughing with friends, the passion in a romantic relationship, and the selfless acts of kindness that reflect unconditional love. By recognizing and nurturing these different loves, we not only deepen our relationships but also find greater fulfillment and happiness. Embracing these loves allows us to experience the full beauty of human connection, making our lives more vibrant and our world more compassionate. So, let's cherish each type of love and let it transform our interactions and our hearts.
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