The Beatles sang the #1 hit, “All You Need is Love.” Yet what do we mean when we say the word love? Ancient Greeks have several words for this idea, one of which is phileo.
In English, the word “love” becomes confusing. I can say I love ice cream, my dog, my child, and my wife. Each one of these loves describes a different kind of relationship and feeling. I don’t love my wife like I love my dog or ice cream. To add to the confusion, some people in our culture use the phrase, “love is love,” which is an incomplete and circular definition.
Like other languages, Greek has several words for love to better define the kind of relationship we attempt to describe. Many know about agape, essentially the love of God. Phileo love, however, is also important. But what does phileo love mean?
What Kind of Love Is Phileo Love?
The New Testament includes several Greek words for love. The Apostle Paul uses agape as the highest form, often described as unconditional or selfless love. The Bible equates agape with God’s love, and he demonstrates this love toward humanity and calls believers to emulate it. This sacrificial love seeks the best for others regardless of their actions or worthiness. 1 Corinthians 13 is one of the most famous scriptures, known as the “love chapter,” where Paul describes this agape.
Eros refers to romantic or passionate love, generally associated with physical desire or attraction. While the New Testament doesn’t use the term, passages like the Song of Solomon celebrate the beauty and intimacy of romantic love within marriage.
Loving family members requires a different word than eros, hence storge or natural affection between close relatives. Storge brings a sense of loyalty and belonging. The New Testament doesn’t use this term directly, but different biblical passages speak of familial relationships and responsibilities.
Finally, we have phileo, which means brotherly or friendship love. We characterize phileo with warmth, fondness, and mutual affection between friends or companions. The name of the city Philadelphia means “brotherly love,” which is derived from this Greek term. This love manifests in acts of kindness, support, and camaraderie. One prominent example of phileo is Jesus’ friendships with his disciples, particularly between Jesus and John, often referred to as “the disciple whom Jesus loved” (John 13:23, 20:2, 21:7).
While these distinctions help discern the different natures of love, we must not rigidly define them. In practice, different forms of love often intersect and overlap, enriching the depth and complexity of our relationships. For example, a married couple should enjoy eros, but they add storge love as they develop a family. With so much time spent together, a husband and wife should also be good friends, phileo. Finally, as believers, a Christian marriage exemplifies a divine relationship between Christ and the Church, so agape love also comes into play.
What People in the Bible Demonstrate Phileo Love?
Throughout the Bible, numerous examples illustrate phileo love, characterized by affection, friendship, and mutual care.
David and Johnathan may be the best-known example of phileo love. David, the future king of Israel, and Jonathan, the son of the current King Saul, developed a close friendship. The Bible describes their relationship as surpassing a brotherly relationship, marked by loyalty, trust, and selflessness. Jonathan risked his safety to protect David from Saul’s wrath (1 Samuel 20), and David mourned deeply over Jonathan’s death (2 Samuel 1:25-26).
The story of Ruth and Naomi demonstrates phileo love between a daughter-in-law and her mother-in-law. Despite facing adversity and hardship, Ruth remained steadfastly devoted to Naomi, refusing to leave her side even after their husband’s death. Naomi released Ruth from any family obligation, but Ruth remained to help Naomi. Ruth’s declaration of loyalty to Naomi—"Where you go I will go, and where you stay I will stay. Your people will be my people and your God my God” (Ruth 1:16)—epitomizes the depth of their affectionate bond.
The apostle Paul and his protege Timothy shared a close connection of mentorship and friendship. Paul affectionately referred to Timothy as his “beloved son” (2 Timothy 1:2) and expressed his genuine concern for Timothy’s spiritual growth and welfare. He entrusted Timothy with important responsibilities and encouraged him to persevere in his faith despite challenges (1 Timothy 6:11-12; 2 Timothy 2:1-7).
The siblings Mary, Martha, and Lazarus developed a special relationship with Jesus. Jesus often visited their home in Bethany, where they welcomed him with warmth and hospitality. When Lazarus fell ill and died, Jesus wept alongside Mary and Martha, demonstrating empathy and love for his dear friends (John 11:32-35).
What Does the Bible Say Makes Phileo Love So Important?
Phileo love fosters supportive relationships, unity, and mutual care. Several passages highlight the significance of phileo love in believers’ lives. We must remember how agape love, God’s love, must mark every relationship—whether in families, friendships, or marriages. Christ’s love Christ through Christians transforms every relationship.
In John 13:34-35, Jesus emphasizes that phileo love has a divine role among his followers, “A new command I give to you: love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this, everyone will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.” Here, Jesus reveals the distinguishing mark of his disciples—a love for one another, which reflects the close bonds of friendship.
Proverbs 17:17 states, “A friend loves at all times, and a brother is born for a time of adversity.” Friendship exists to bring support over time and in all seasons, difficult or wonderful. Another writing of Solomon, Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 teaches, “Two are better than one because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up. Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one is overpowered, two can defend themselves. A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.” Solomon shares more wisdom here about the different ways friendship brings value to people—strength, protection, and comfort.
The apostle Paul exhorts believers to “Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves.” (Romans 12:10). This verse instructs Jesus’ followers to cultivate a spirit of devotion and mutual respect in relationships, reflecting how phileo love is selfless and affectionate. Paul further tells the church in Thessalonica, “Therefore encourage one another up, just as in fact you are doing.” (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Here, Paul highlights the friendship role of church members to offer and provide support and edification to other believers, building up the faith community.
What Does Healthy Phileo Love Look Like?
Jesus' followers exhibit healthy phileo love through genuine affection, mutual respect, and support, all reflecting Christ’s love. Initially, we should point out the need to gather and be intentional in close relationships, especially as our culture becomes more divided, depressed, anxious, and lonely. We need deep friendships more than ever. As Jesus and the early church modeled, we must spend quality and quantity of time together. With that in mind, the Scripture provides key principles to embody phileo love.
- Authenticity and Transparency. We can’t get close with others if we deceive or refuse to share honestly. Healthy phileo love involves vulnerability, where we can be open with one another. Romans 12:9 encourages us by saying, “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good.” This verse implies a lack of honesty, which is lying, becomes evil, and sincerity leads to goodness, fostering trust and deepening friendships.
- Mutual Support and Encouragement. We share deeply with others, and they with us, for mutual encouragement. Phileo love entails offering mutual support and encouragement, especially during adversity. Galatians 6:2 urges us to “Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way, you will fulfill the law of Christ.” This mutual care, symbolized biblically with the interconnected Body of Christ, demonstrates God’s love.
- Active Listening and Empathy. Vulnerability works when we act as a safe place for people to share. Healthy phileo love involves actively listening to one another with compassion, not responding with harsh criticism or condemnation. James 1:19 advises, “My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry.” This empathetic approach helps a struggling believer know they can share freely and be treated with love, as the Father does when we turn to him in our pain.
- Forgiveness and Reconciliation. People sin, and no one is perfect. Even close friends develop conflicts or wound each other. Phileo love requires a willingness to forgive and reconcile, as modeled by Christ’s sacrificial love. Ephesians 4:32 instructs believers to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” This attitude of grace and forgiveness fosters healing and restoration in relationships.
- Shared Purpose and Fellowship. A deep friendship develops not over shared interests but shared purpose. We find this healthy phileo love expressed through the shared purpose within the local church to spread the Gospel and love the community around them. Acts 2:42 describes the early Christian community: “They devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer.” This shared commitment to God’s word and fellowship reminded them of their spiritual connection, strengthening unity.
- Servanthood and Humility. Servanthood exemplifies phileo love with humility and love, as demonstrated by the Lord Jesus Christ. Philippians 2:3-4 exhorts believers, “Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.” This selfless attitude promotes unity and allows us to use our spiritual gifts.
- Accountability and Correction. Good friends love enough to bring up dangerous actions and behavior lovingly and respectfully. Phileo love includes accountability and correction to protect friends from harmful choices and for their eternal good. Proverbs 27:17 says, “As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.” This mutual sharpening fosters growth and maturity.
By embodying these principles and practices in our relationships, we reflect the transformative power of Christ’s love and help the body of Christ flourish. Through healthy phileo love, believers can build strong, supportive communities that bear witness to God's love and grace in the world.
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