As someone who struggles with a negative body image, I have noticed there are many misnomers that are being spread about this topic.
It is not good to believe misnomers as they will prevent you from being able to help and support your friends who are struggling with a negative body image. Having a negative body image affects many parts of your life and can cause you to want to distance yourself from everyone.
You feel bad about the way you look; therefore, you are too embarrassed to meet up with people or enjoy social events. Here are a few things your friend struggling with a negative body image wants you to know.
1. I’m Not Prideful
Many years ago, I was talking with a friend, and I was sharing many sensitive topics with her. I had recently shared that I had been struggling with anorexia and was now in recovery.
She invited me to come to church with her and to get involved with the women’s Bible study, which was thoughtful; however, she didn’t seem to understand what it feels like to struggle with a negative body image.
Sure, you might feel comfortable being around some people, but that doesn’t mean you are ready to meet tons of new people at church or Bible study.
She also wanted to tell me that since I was struggling with a negative body image, I was prideful. Rather than being understanding and caring, she wanted to attach my personal struggles to sin.
I remember this comment made me want to cry, but I couldn’t because I’m a notorious people-pleaser. Instead of speaking up for myself, I allowed her to shame me for my struggles.
It wasn’t until all these years later, through my own personal healing, help from my sister and real friends, and help from Christ, that I was able to know that what she said was wrong.
If you are struggling with a negative body image or you know someone who is, they are not prideful. In fact, it is quite the opposite. They are hating either a part of their body or their entire body.
A negative body image can also be connected with body dysmorphia as well as eating disorders. As someone who struggles with each of these things, I cannot stress enough the importance of extending kindness, compassion, and support to those who are struggling.
I’ve struggled with these issues for over a decade, and it is unreasonable that a comment such as “Stop being prideful” is going to fix someone's struggles. Honestly, it will do the exact opposite.
2. Please Don’t Force Me to Be in Pictures
In our modern era, everyone is obsessed with taking pictures and getting their pictures taken —except for those who struggle with a negative body image. Sure, we will take the pictures, but we don’t want to be in the pictures.
While it is noble to encourage your friends to be in the photo, don’t force anyone to be in a photo if they don’t want to be in it. I have had too many times that I had to be in a picture that I didn’t want to be in, and upon looking at it at home, I immediately went into a downward spiral.
I started feeling terrible about the way I looked, and as you can imagine, this only made my negative body image get worse.
If you truly want to help your friend, chill out on the pictures. Try to enjoy just being with your friend, and don’t stress the importance of taking pictures. The ideology “If there’s not a picture, it didn’t happen” isn’t true. Lasting memories can stay with us without photos.
In fact, by choosing to put your phone down, you might find the world is more beautiful seeing it with your own eyes rather than seeing it through a screen.
When you are spending time with your friend who struggles with a negative body image, just focus on spending time with them and being a good friend to them. There’s no reason to take a picture if it will only send your friend into a downward spiral.
3. Please Don’t Talk about Your Diet and Weight Loss
If you know someone who is struggling with a negative body image, please don’t talk about your diet and weight loss. Since most people with a negative body image also have a co-occurring eating disorder, it is best to refrain from any diet talk or weight loss talk.
These conversations do only harm to others and can cause your friend to think even more poorly about their own body.
For those of us who struggle with a negative body image, we are using 80-90% of our brain capacity to think about how uncomfortable and insecure we feel about our bodies. If you start talking about your diet and weight loss, it will only make us feel worse about our own bodies.
Talking about how your diet helped you lose so much weight will only cause us to think we need to lose weight. This can be very dangerous, especially for those of us recovering from a restrictive eating disorder. It could even cause us to slip back into our old habits to feel okay again.
Even if your friend doesn’t struggle with a negative body image, avoid talking about your diet and weight loss. This can make anyone feel uncomfortable and self-conscious of their own body. With a thin-obsessed world, we don’t need more people pushing patriarchal norms onto women.
4. I Don’t Hate My Body All the Time
Your friend struggling with a negative body image also wants you to know that they don’t hate their body all the time. Just because we struggle with a negative body image doesn’t mean we hate our bodies daily.
There might be some good days, some neutral days, and some really bad days. As a friend to someone who struggles with a negative body image, try to talk about the things you like about them without talking about their body.
Compliment them on their smile, their kindness, or their ability to be a good friend. Be creative in how you encourage your friend and avoid making comments about their body.
While you alone cannot single-handedly cure your friend of their negative body image, you can help them get to better and neutral days. If you are a significant other of a person struggling with a negative body image, you can also help your partner get to better body image days.
Remind them how much you love them and care about them; however, avoid making comments about their body. Choose to instead compliment them on things that won’t change, such as their eyes, their sense of humor, or their caring heart for others.
If you are personally the person who struggles with a negative body image, I completely get it. Each day can feel like a nightmare and a never-ending battle against your body. I want to encourage you by saying that you can get to better body image days and body-neutral days.
While it will be a journey and a challenge, God will help you each step of the way. I’m still on this journey too, but we can trust God to help us get to better days.
We might still struggle at times; however, with help from God and loved ones, there are brighter days in the future. We won’t forever be at war with our bodies, nor will we hate them forever.
For further reading:
How Can I Help My Friend Who Is Struggling with an Eating Disorder?
What Should Christians Know about Eating Disorders?
Does God See More Than the Physical Appearance?
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