In Matthew 18:21-35, Jesus has a lot to say about forgiveness.
Forgiveness, according to Jesus, is:
1. Ongoing (continual and often)
2. Disruptive (to toxic systems)
3. Costly (not a “feeling”)
4. Communal (has a ripple effect)
5. Obedient (worship)
6. Supernatural (a sign of a transformed heart)
See part one of this series for numbers one and two.
Biblical forgiveness assumes a debt. In Jesus’s story, there is a massive debt — ten thousand bags of gold. So, it cost something significant for the king and master to forgive that amount.
In the same way, it costs us to release someone from the debts they owe us. If someone has betrayed you, wronged you, harmed you, mistreated you, or taken from you, they owe you a physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, or psychological debt.
True forgiveness, as Jesus describes it, costs the forgiver something because it is intentionally choosing to release someone from that debt. Forgiveness is truly an act of mercy in this way, as it hurts us to cover that cost.
This is one of the most powerful things about biblical forgiveness. Jesus never brushes aside pain. In fact, biblical forgiveness owns that something significant has occurred, something that warrants the high cost of forgiveness. Think about Jesus; it cost Jesus so much to bear our sins on the cross so that we might be forgiven. It cost Jesus everything!
Similarly, forgiveness is not permission. The King in this parable was never like, “It’s okay that you hurt me. Let’s be best friends and hang out all the time.”
Biblical forgiveness is not the same as giving someone permission to hurt you again, and in some harmful situations, it’s not the same as reconciliation. Biblical forgiveness says there is a debt. But I will let go of my need to have you pay me what you owe me.
Lastly, related to the cost of forgiveness is this: forgiveness is not primarily an emotional transaction; you can choose to forgive someone before you feel particularly forgiving towards them. By the grace of God at work in our lives, as we release others from the debt they owe us through forgiveness, emotions of peace often follow. But we can choose to forgive before the feelings come.
In Jesus’ parable, when the servant refused to forgive his fellow servant, the other servants were outraged (Matthew 18:28-31).
Unforgiveness between individuals never stays there. Unforgiveness starts a ripple effect that reaches into the whole community, family, or friend group. In the same way, forgiveness between individuals heals the group, heals the community, and heals the family. There is a collective and communal impact of our forgiveness.
In fact, I hate when people say, “Forgiveness is more for you than for the other person,” because it definitely is about you — as you forgive, you are set free from the poison of unforgiveness. But it is for the other person too, the one you’re forgiving. And more than that, it’s for the other people around you.
Forgiveness is communal. It heals communities, families, and friend groups when we choose to forgive each other.
For further reading:
What Is the First Thing Christians Should Know about Forgiveness?
6 Beautiful Psalms That Teach Us about Forgiveness
What Is the Significance of Seventy-Times Seven in Forgiveness?
Do Christians Have to Keep Asking for Forgiveness for Their Sins?
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