Unsolicited advice can be often met with gratitude… or quite the opposite. We’ve often run into people in church circles who don’t want advice unless they’ve asked for it. Others may sally forth with the admonishment anyway, believing unsolicited advice can convey spiritual truths others do not want to hear.
Ultimately, we must do what we always must in these situations: go to Scripture and see what it says.
So, is the Bible pro or against unsolicited advice? Let’s dive into God’s Word and see.
We do see many passages in Scripture about wisdom. Proverbs seems filled with verses (Proverbs 12:26, for instance) about how to take instruction well.
Considering the wisest king ever to walk the earth wrote those passages, we can certainly take these verses to heart.
The Apostle Paul also gives a healthy dose of advice to churches he visits. However, Paul has the authority to do so because he did life together with them. He witnessed firsthand what the congregants went through and could give proper advice because he knew them deeply.
And Jesus does place a heavy emphasis on hearing the word of God and putting it into action.
From these examples, we can see some instances where unsolicited advice is warranted. Let’s break it down into two major categories.
1. Directly from God: If Jesus has a say on the matter, we do not get to contest him. So if we read a Scripture passage in which God speaks, and it stirs up our conviction, we should listen.
2. From People Who Know Us Well (and Have Our Best Interests at Heart): Paul knew the churches he visited. He tends to list people by name at individual churches such as Corinth, Galatia, etc. He, therefore, has the authority to give advice because he seeks the best for the churches.
We should also remember that Paul didn’t have a hidden agenda. He doesn’t tell the church in Corinth to excommunicate one of its members solely for Paul's gain.
Often, when people give advice, there’s a hidden benefit for them.
Perhaps a parent tells a bride-to-be to stay in their state instead of moving away, but the hidden intent is that the parent wants to be closer to the child. Perhaps the bride-to-be would be going against God’s plan by staying.
With this in mind, let’s look to Scripture for reasons to caution ourselves around unsolicited advice.
Have you ever heard of a man named Job? If you haven’t, let me give you the rundown.
Job lived righteously; he did nothing wrong. Satan essentially challenged God to make a bet. If Satan took away everything from Job, surely Job would sin.
So Satan takes away everything, and to make matters worse, he gives Job a horrendously painful skin disease.
Job’s friends sit with him in silence… and then they open their mouths.
They’re convinced he must’ve sinned somehow. They give him 40 chapters worth of unsolicited advice on making himself right with God so he can be restored to his former fortune.
How does God respond? With anger. He even says he would’ve wiped out Job’s friends for their faulty advice if not for Job’s righteousness.
The Bible also has plenty to say about false prophets and people who advise without consulting God. Especially if they speak in the name of the Lord, they are breaking the commandment not to take God’s name in vain. As they are spouting off “wisdom” that God never gave them.
Furthermore, I fear that many Christians will resort to unsolicited advice for, for lack of better words, a cop-out. When a person is suffering in their congregation, advice is easy.
Listening or providing for necessities is much harder. We may tell people to “trust in God” and “pray more” instead of being that very answer to the prayer they seek.
James admonishes believers to put their faith into action. We would not give our brother a stone or a snake if he is hungry. So why do we resort to advice when we’re essentially giving them spiritual stones?
We can split reasons not to give unsolicited advice into two categories:
We Do Not Have the Authority (or Godly Inspiration) to Do So: God does not take kindly to people speaking falsely on his behalf. If you truly believe God has given you a word of advice to speak to someone, consult Scripture. Pray. Be sure before you give it. And even so, qualify it. Say, “If this is not from the Lord, disregard it.” It’s better to err on the side of caution.
We’re Doing it as a Means to Avoid Having to Help: Finances are tight. The economy is rough. We’re busy. We have children and work affairs to care for. It is far easier to tell someone to “choose joy” and “pray more” than to help them. The Bible has strict warnings against these people. Pharisees often acted this way. Always eager to provide religious guidance but never eager to alleviate poverty or distress.
It is not to say you cannot couple advice with a gift. We just need to care of our congregation’s physical needs before most people will let us care for their spiritual ones. Jesus fed the crowds, after all.
Having gone through (and still am going through) the most difficult period of my life, it has blown me away the number of Christians who are quick to tell me to “keep the faith” or “pray more.”
And the number of non-Christians who have not resorted to advice but rather helped with my physical needs.
And many believers I have spoken to can relate to this.
So why do we resort to unsolicited advice when, 90 percent of the time, a physical action of giving or listening could serve better?
I could assert several reasons, but I’ll break it into three easy categories.
1. We want to be the fix. Christians can often struggle with savior complexes. We want to give the string of words that will pull someone out of a depression or give them the hope to make it through their trial. Although admirable in intentions, this often backfires.
2. We feel unheard. The people who have given me unsolicited advice usually have little or no authority in their own circles. Sometimes, they were older people who felt threatened or edged out of their churches by younger people. Sometimes, they were women who felt limited by their churches not allowing them to teach others. If we feel unheard, we will jump at the opportunity to advise those hurting. In a way, it makes us feel like we have a grasp of authority. Ironically, only those with true authority ought to be giving spiritual advice.
3. We want to help… but we do not have true skin in the game. Advice is easy. Buying someone groceries to feed their family for the week is not easy. We may have the heart to help, but not the finances or time. So we resort to advice.
If you feel the need to give someone unsolicited advice, ask the Holy Spirit to give you discernment. And if he allows you to tell someone a good word, it never hurts to couple it with a free meal or coffee with the person. That way, they know you intend to take care of them physically, too.
Photo Credit: © Getty Images/AntonioGuillem
Hope Bolinger is an acquisitions editor at End Game Press, book editor for hire, and the author of almost 30 books. More than 1500 of her works have been featured in various publications. Check out her books at hopebolinger.com for clean books in most genres, great for adults and kids. Check out her editing profile at Reedsy.com to find out about hiring her for your next book project.