When you hear the word “ministry,” listening is likely not the first thing that comes to mind. But maybe it should. Listening is a lost art, but a much-needed one, especially in our society today where there has been a tremendous uptick in mental health issues and rampant polarization of ideologies and opinions. People need to talk. But is anyone listening?
Says Dietrich Bonhoeffer in his book Life Together, “Many people are looking for an ear that will listen. They do not find it among Christians because these Christians are talking when they should be listening… Christians have forgotten that the ministry of listening has been committed to them by God who is Himself the great listener and whose work they should share. We should listen with the ears of God that we may speak the Word of God.”
Bonhoeffer is correct. A large part of missions (Greek apostolē, “a sending”) and ministry (Greek diakoneo, “to serve”) involves listening. It is one way we can express love to our neighbors (Mark 12:30), and it is a vitally important way to come alongside the disillusioned, dysfunctional, and depressed.
Writer Kyle Blevins agrees. “Listening is one of the most fruitful ways to help someone but is also among the most underused skills.”
Here are three ways that you can begin to practice the ministry of listening.
“If one gives an answer before he hears, it is his folly and shame” (Proverbs 18:13).
Too often, we are quick to offer advice, which is sometimes biased, when someone is pouring out their heart to us. We mistakenly think we need to speak a word of wisdom or encouragement, which is all good, but not until we have the full breadth of understanding the person and their issue.
It may be that a person just needs to talk, to untangle their disheveled thoughts and unburden their troubled hearts. They aren’t necessarily looking for advice or encouragement. At least not in that moment. Our service to them, then, is simply to listen.
It may not seem so, but listening is proactive. You are still engaging with the other person, just without words. Your listening involves giving the other person your full attention.
But for some, this does not come naturally. We love to talk ourselves. So, cultivating a listening disposition will take intention, time, and practice. “Becoming a better listener hangs not on one big resolve to do better in a single conversation, but on developing a pattern of little resolves to focus in on particular people in specific moments,” writes David Mathis.
Furthermore, listening requires humility—of thinking of the other person as more important than yourself (Philippians 2:3)—a genuine caring heart, and, above all, self-control of the tongue (Galatians 5:22-23). We do not want to rush to speak and say something we will later be ashamed of, making us what Proverbs calls “fools.” Proverbs 10:19 further cautions us that “when there are many words, sin never stops, but a person who restrains his lips acts wisely.”
One step to take in cultivating a listening disposition is to quell what author Lynne Baab calls the “inner noise”—the need to refute if we disagree with the other person—and “double listening”—when we’re listening to the other person and simultaneously searching for an appropriate response.
“To listen well,” instructs Stephens Ministries, “You must enter into the conversation committed to listening rather than debating, instructing, or attempting to fix the situation. Deliberately set aside your instinct to share your own thoughts so you can focus on what the person in front of you is sharing.
“The Lord said, ‘I have indeed seen the misery of my people in Egypt. I have heard them crying out because of their slave drivers, and I am concerned about their suffering’” (Exodus 3:7).
God not only listened with his ears but with his heart. He heard his people’s audible cries, and he also heard it deep within his Being, causing him to become “concerned.” His heart, touched by their plight, was moved to the point where he acted on their behalf. What followed was God calling a reluctant Moses back to Egypt to lead the Israelites out of bondage and to the Promised Land (Exodus 3-40).
Jesus, too, followed his Father’s example. Before he ever acted on behalf of a person, he listened first to the answers he posed—“What is it you want?” “What do you want me to do for you?” “Who touched my clothes?” He also listened to their hearts. He “heard” their desperate pleas for healing and wholeness. And only then did he act.
Before we ever move—whether to speak or to meet a legitimate need—let us first listen, with our ears and our hearts. And we may be surprised to find that we needn’t act at all. That the action needed is simply an engaging, attentive ear.
“Fools find no pleasure in understanding but delight in airing their own opinions” (Proverbs 18:2).
Listening involves the mind. The mind is needed to actively focus and process what the person is saying and their intent. But if understanding is still lacking as they’re speaking, ask follow-up questions. This lets the person know that you are sincerely listening, which makes them feel valued, respected, and appreciated. It also builds trust so that the person is more willing to confide in you rather than close down.
Jesus did this well with the Samaritan woman in John 4. He persisted in asking questions, then listened. He was not in a hurry to get to his point. He took the time to listen, and by listening, it gave the heart-sore woman the opportunity to talk and unburden herself. Listening kept her engaged and built trust so that she felt comfortable enough to be honest with Jesus about her current living situation.
Understanding what a person is trying to convey also involves observing their non-verbal cues: their body language (rigid, arms crossed), their facial expressions (pursed lips, knit eyebrows, tears), their tone of voice (angry, sarcastic, joyful). These are visual clues that help to enhance your sense of understanding them.
Nothing is more dehumanizing and devaluing than when a person is trying to speak, but the listener is distracted, whether by their phone, by the environment around them, or your own thoughts.
Being present means tuning out the world around you, including silencing your phone (or at least ignoring it if it rings or pings). Just as you quell your “inner noise,” tune out the external noise around you. Place your entire focus on the other person. Maintain eye contact. Lean towards them. These small gestures and attitudes let them know that they are the most important person to you at that moment, and that all else can wait.
Cultivating a ministry of listening first starts by following the example set before us by God, as Bonhoeffer said. As a loving, compassionate Father, he always gives us an attentive, undistracted ear whenever we go to him in prayer. He is the quintessential listener, and as his children, it goes without saying that we should be, too.
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