We’ve all heard it before—"Everything happens for a reason." People say it when you’re going through heartbreak, after a job loss, or even in moments of deep grief. It’s meant to be comforting, but let’s be honest—it doesn’t always feel that way. Sometimes, it just sounds like a pat answer to something incredibly painful.
The truth? That phrase isn’t actually in the Bible. And while God does have a purpose in all things, that doesn’t mean every painful moment was specifically planned for some hidden reason we’ll eventually understand. Life is messy, suffering is real, and sometimes we just don’t get the answers we want.
But here’s what Scripture does say:
“And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” - Romans 8:28
This verse doesn’t say everything is good, but that God can work through all things for good. That means even in our worst moments, He is still moving, still redeeming, and still with us.
“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens.” - Ecclesiastes 3:1
Life has seasons—some joyful, some painful. We won’t always understand why things happen when they do, but we can trust that God holds time in His hands.
“In this world, you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” - John 16:33
Jesus never promised a life free of suffering, but He did promise that He has already overcome. That means our struggles don’t get the final say—He does.
So, instead of clinging to the idea that “everything happens for a reason,” maybe we shift our focus to this: Even when we don’t understand, we are not alone. Even when things feel senseless, God is still working. And even when pain is overwhelming, He is near.
If you’re struggling to make sense of something hard right now, I want you to know—it’s okay not to have all the answers. God isn’t asking you to figure it all out. He’s asking you to trust that He’s holding you through it.
What Is the Origin of the Phrase 'Everything Happens for a Reason'?
In basic logic, the phrase “everything happens for a reason” is true since everything has a cause and effect. However, how the phrase is used when given to hurting individuals is not necessarily true or helpful.
When spoken to grieving individuals, the person offering these words is basically telling the individual that their loss of a loved one happened to bring about something good in their life. Although the person offering these words often mean well, the grieving individual may get the impression that God wanted and caused their loved one to die.
The Bible does not contain the phrase “everything happens for a reason.” This phrase finds its origin in Aristotle who taught that everything happens due to the cause-and-effect model (Jeremy Sherman, "'Everything happens for a reason’: Simple phrase opens worm-can of wonder,” Psychology Today).
God’s Sovereignty vs. Free Will: Does God Cause Everything?
If everything happens for a reason, does that mean God causes everything—even the bad stuff? Or does He allow things to happen because of human free will? The Bible makes it clear: God is sovereign, but He also gives people the ability to choose.
Does God Cause Every Event?
God is in control (Isaiah 46:9-10), but that doesn’t mean He orchestrates every tragedy. We live in a fallen world where sin and human choices lead to suffering. Not everything that happens is God’s will.
The Balance Between God’s Control and Our Choices
- God desires all to be saved (1 Timothy 2:4), but not everyone chooses Him.
- God commands love (John 13:34), yet people still hurt each other.
- God hates sin (Habakkuk 1:13), but it still exists.
God is always in control, but He allows free will.
The Lord God can use bad situations for His good, but this should not be twisted or misinterpreted to mean that God will cause bad things to bring about good. God is so awesome that He can use terrible situations for His good purposes (Genesis 50:20), but He never causes bad to happen.
The Lord is completely perfect and cannot cause evil (1 John 1:5). Death is unnatural and is the result of sin in the world (Romans 5:12). People dying was not part of God’s original intention for humanity but was a result of the fall of man (Genesis 2:17).
The Danger of Misusing "Everything Happens for a Reason?
We’ve all been there—standing awkwardly in front of a grieving friend, wanting so badly to say something that will bring comfort. And sometimes, in those moments, we reach for words that feel safe, like: "Everything happens for a reason."
The problem? That phrase can actually do more harm than good.
Imagine someone just lost a loved one, is struggling with infertility, or had their world flipped upside down by a tragedy. When we say, “Everything happens for a reason,” it can feel like we’re brushing off their pain—as if their suffering is just some puzzle piece they need to figure out.
It can also make someone feel like they should be okay with what’s happening because God must have a reason for it. But let’s be real—sometimes life just hurts, and people need space to grieve, not a quick answer.
The Bible actually gives us a great example of how not to respond to suffering: Job’s friends.
Job was a righteous man who lost everything—his family, his health, his home. When his friends showed up, they started trying to explain his suffering, basically telling him, "You must have done something wrong. This is happening for a reason." (Job 4:7-8).
His “friends” offered numerous explanations and solutions to what he had experienced. Job’s friends claimed he had sinned, which is why he had experienced suffering (Job 4:7-8).
They urged Job to leave his sinful ways so that God would relent in punishment (Job 5:17-18; 8:5-7). These friends also tried to explain the death of Job’s children by claiming that his children had committed sin, which is why they died (Job 8:4).
But guess what? They were completely wrong. God actually rebuked them for speaking falsely about Him (Job 42:7). Sometimes, trying to explain suffering does more damage than just sitting with someone in their pain.
His friends thought they were comforting Job by explaining his loss, but their methods were not effective. Better comfort and consolation were offered when Job’s friends silently sat with him in ashes for seven days (Job 2:12-13).
Likewise, telling a grieving individual that the death of their loved one will eventually bring about something good or that it was part of God’s plan dismisses their grief as insignificant or invalid.
Trusting God When Life Doesn't Make Sense
A consoling and biblical way to respond to a grieving friend is simply to be with them in their sadness. Crying with them or just sitting with them is often what a grieving friend needs rather than an explanation.
A friend can be much more helpful by being present with the bereaved individual, just as Job’s friends were in the first week after the loss of his children. By doing this, the Christian helping their grieving friend will be obeying Romans 12:15, “Mourn with those who mourn” (NIV).
Another way a believer can respond to a friend who lost a loved one is to do a physical act of kindness for them. Christians are called to love one another (John 13:35), and a way to do this is to show one’s love through action (1 John 3:18).
Bringing the bereaved individual and their family a meal or groceries can be a tangible way to show compassion and sympathy. Offering to clean the house, mow the lawn, babysit, or watch their pets are all other ways to display Christian love.
In addition to being present and offering help for everyday tasks, Christians can also speak comforting words to those who are grieving without having to resort to saying, “Everything happens for a reason.” Affirming one’s continuing presence and love for the person can be helpful.
Also, reminding the person that God is with them can also be comforting. Multiple Bible verses are relevant to times of grief, such as Psalm 23, which speaks of God’s presence in the valley of death. Psalm 34:18 can also provide comfort during difficult times, by reminding the person that “The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit” (NIV).
Finally, believers should talk about Heaven and the future resurrection without trying to dismiss a person’s grief. Jesus spoke clearly about being the Resurrection and the Life, while also weeping with Mary at Lazarus’ funeral (John 11:25, 32-35). Believers should always speak the truth in love (Ephesians 4:15).
Providing comfort to a person who has lost a loved one is a challenging task. The situation may feel awkward and uncomfortable. However, for the Christian who is seeking to be biblical in their approach, offering consolation is a challenging but worthy effort.
Instead of saying, “Everything happens for a reason,” which dismisses a person’s grief, believers should instead be there for the grieving individual, show love in tangible ways, and remind their friend that God is with them in their pain. Christians cannot take the painful sorrow away, but they can come alongside the bereaved brother or sister to mourn with them.
For further reading:
Should Christians Believe That Everything Really Happen for a Reason?
How Should a Christian Respond to Grief?
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