Being marriage-minded is an important topic within Christian culture. It is spoken of in many circles, but not in all Christian circles. Often there are two camps within this discussion — those who believe Christians should be marriage-minded and those who believe Christians do not have to be marriage-minded. In this article, we are going to discuss whether Christians should be marriage-minded people.
Marriage-Minded People
The pressure to get married is heavily placed on single Christians within the modern Christian culture. For single Christians, this can be an unwanted pressure placed upon us. Many Christian colleges are nicknamed “bridal colleges” because of the emphasis placed upon marriage.
While God created marriage between a man and a woman (Genesis 2:18-25), not all people will get married (Matthew 19:11-12). If a Christian is dating another Christian, they should be marriage-minded. Christians should not try to “date around” or date someone simply just to date them.
Rather than dating around, Christians should date with the purpose of seeing if the other person is potentially going to be their spouse.
Therefore, in this sense, a Christian should be marriage-minded if they are dating someone else. All relationships need to be taken seriously and each partner needs to respect one another.
However, if you are marriage-minded, there are dangers associated with having this mindset. If an individual takes an extreme form of being marriage-minded, they could become blinded to God’s guidance for the remaining parts of their life.
As an example, if a Christian is so fixated on marriage, they will not be able to have their eyes and hearts open to God’s leading in their life.
While marriage is a good thing, Christians should not be obsessed with the idea of being married. Marriage can become an idol just like anything else can become an idol in our lives. God is clear that we should not have any idols in our lives, including marriage (Exodus 20:4).
Not Marriage-Minded People
While there is nothing wrong with a Christian being marriage-minded, Christians who are not marriage-minded need to be respected by those who are marriage-minded.
In other words, Christians need to be respectful of their fellow Christian’s decision over being marriage-minded or not being marriage-minded. As stated, not all Christians will get married during their lifetime (Matthew 19:11-12).
Just because a Christian decides not to pursue a relationship, or marriage does not mean there is anything wrong with them. Many Christians choose not to pursue marriage for their own reasons after consulting with God in prayer.
There is no shame if you decide to not pursue a relationship or a marriage. God does not command us to get married. In fact, when Paul talks about those who refrain from getting married, he refers to it as a gift (1 Corinthians 7:7).
This tells us that not being married is actually a gift from God. Unfortunately, not many Christians view being unmarried as a gift, but it actually is a gift from God.
A danger associated with not being marriage-minded when dating someone is that the Christian could easily just start dating around and date for the wrong reasons. If you are dating, you need to be dating with the purpose of getting married one day — not just looking for a “summer fling.”
A common practice in the world is to have a “summer fling” or a short-term relationship knowing that no intentions of marriage will ever be placed.
In a Christian relationship, both partners need to be dating with the idea in their hearts and minds that this could one day be their spouse for life.
God-Focused
In everything that we do, we need to be focused on God first and foremost. Whether we are married, engaged, in a relationship, or single, we need to stay focused on God.
If God wants us to be married, He will guide us to the right person; however, we should also know that God never promised us that we will get married.
Modern Christian culture as well as the modern secular society pushes the idea that we have to find our “other half.” The concept of finding our “other half” is not biblical because once we know Christ, we are complete in Him.
Colossians 2:9-10 tells us, “For in Christ all the fullness of the Deity lives in bodily form, and in Christ, you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.”
As this passage tells us, we are already complete in Christ. A Christian is not any less of a person for not getting married.
Focusing on God is crucial to our Christian walk and our growth in Christ. Whether we are marriage-minded or not, we need to glorify God in our actions and in our lives.
Part of this includes not condemning those who are marriage-minded and not condemning those who are not marriage-minded.
All in all, we need to be God-minded. It is easy to become obsessed with the desire to be married and lose sight of God. Marriage is a beautiful part of God’s creation, but it is not where our hearts find their fulfillment.
Only Jesus gives us the fulfillment that our hearts need. A boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, or wife cannot provide the fulfillment our souls need. Only Jesus can fill that void in our lives.
Films, television shows, and songs all promote the idea that love is what we are all searching for and in a way, this is true, but we’re looking in the wrong place. The love we are all looking for is the love of God — not the love of a significant other.
God loves us like nobody else can. He loves us unconditionally, which means He loves us even though we mess up and fall. While husbands and wives love each other, they cannot love one another unconditionally or with the agape love that only God can extend.
The love of our hearts' desire and need is the love that only comes from God. John 3:16-17 tells us, “For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”
God loves us not based on anything we do or don’t do. Rather, He loves us because we are His children.
Why Does This Matter?
Thus, Christians should be marriage-minded if they are in a relationship as all Christian relationships should be marriage-minded. Christians should not “date around” or date many people just to “have a good time.”
Even though this is a common practice in the world today, Christians need to be distinct from the world. If two Christians are in a relationship with one another, they need to be marriage-minded. However, on the same note, nobody should condemn a Christian for not being marriage-minded.
Not all people will get married and that is not a problem despite what Christian culture preaches. God never commands us to be married nor does He promise us that we will get married.
It is important to stay focused on God and to be God-focused rather than being hyper-fixated on the things of the world or parts of God’s creations.
Yes, marriage is a good thing, but we should not allow marriage to become an idol in our lives. It is vital for all Christians to be God-focused and seek to glorify Him whether they are married, engaged, in a relationship, or single.
For further reading:
Why Is the Phrase ‘You Complete Me’ in Marriage Misleading?
Is it Okay for a Christian to Stay Single?
What Does the Church Think of Those Who Have Never Been Married?
Does God Give the Promise of Marriage to Us?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Prostock-Studio
