Hurtful words hurt. Many of us try to shake them off or act as though they don't hurt us, but if we are honest with ourselves, we know they cut deep into our hearts. Hurtful words can leave us feeling insecure, depressed, and insulted.
It is important for us to always be careful when we are talking with others; however, some people are not as careful as others. When hurtful words come our way, we need to know how to deal with them in a way that brings glory to God.
Words Do Hurt
"I could build a castle out of all the bricks they threw at me" ("New Romantics," Taylor Swift).
Words do hurt us, yet we should never use hurtful words as a way to get back at someone. Even if they hurt us with their words, doesn't mean it is right for us to use hurtful words back.
From the time we are schoolchildren, we are often taught by friends and peers to have good comebacks. Despite being taught this as children or as teens, we must abandon this way of thinking. We should never seek to "get even" or seek revenge on someone else.
When we are bombarded with hurtful words, we know that it is okay to feel hurt, sad, and insulted. Regulate these emotions and remind yourself that what they said about you is not true.
It can be hard to remember in the moment but try to reflect back on what God says about you rather than what a person said to you. As human beings, we are full of sin, and it is not surprising that many humans choose to use their words to hurt people.
In addition to having regulated your emotions, remind yourself of what God says about you, and accept your feelings without passing judgment, remove yourself from the situation. There is no reason for you to stay in a situation where people are insulting you.
Politely excuse yourself and go somewhere you can be alone to process your feelings. This could be an upstairs room if you are at a dinner party, outside if it happens at your house, or get in your car and drive home if it is somewhere public.
Remember to remain poise, calm, and collective. Choose to reflect Christ — not the anger and resentment in your heart.
It is easy to get angry or try to seek out hurt from the individual who said hurtful words to you, but this is not what God commands. Rather, He wants you to reflect Him in your actions.
If someone says something hurtful to you, take the higher road and choose to remain calm, remove yourself from the situation, and process your emotions with the Lord. All of your feelings and hurts are valid, but you must not use them in a way to hurt others.
Once you are more mentally able and ready to talk with the person about their hurtful words, you can do so. If this is a person you know, you can send them a text, call them, or try to talk things out in person.
However, if the person who said hurtful things to you is someone you don't know, you don't need to contact them. If you do know them and want to tell them how their words hurt you, you can do this, and it actually helps greatly in your healing process.
Remember to never seek to hurt the person in your message. Try to stick to what happened and how it made you feel.
If the person feels remorse over their words, they should apologize. This doesn't mean this will always happen, but it is ideal. If the person isn't sorry about their hurtful words, it would be best to cut off all communication with this individual.
Rather than trying to pursue a further friendship or acquaintanceship with them, pursue your own well-being instead. If they have said hurtful things to you once, most likely, they will say hurtful things again.
It is for the best if you don't associate with this person anymore, and if you absolutely have no choice but to associate with this person, try to keep communication to the bare minimum.
Going to God
The likelihood is that the words the person said to you will affect you to some extent. Some words might hurt less so, while others might hurt more so. It also depends on who said the words. Was it someone who means a lot to you or is it just a random stranger on the street?
The closer we are to someone, the more it will hurt when they say something hurtful to us. As someone who has been hurt many times with hurtful words, I can attest to how much they hurt you mentally and how it can give way to a myriad of mental health concerns.
By being bullied in middle school for my size, I developed anorexia. The kids would ruthlessly say mean things that made me hate myself. I started equating thinness as a way to protect myself from the hurtful words my fellow peers said.
In a way, it acted as an armor, but only to a point. Then I was bullied and ridiculed by others for being "too thin," and it caused me to hate myself again.
No matter what I did and no matter how I changed myself, there was always going to be somebody to say something hurtful. In a way, you really can't win with everyone.
No matter what we look like and no matter if we change for others, which we shouldn't, there will always be someone with a mean word on their tongue. Rather than giving in to the bullies and haters, turn your heart and mind over to God.
Allow His peace, love, and compassion to fill your heart. He will never say anything hurtful to you, nor does He ever think anything negatively about you. You are His beloved child, and He loves you more than words can say.
Turn to Him and tell Him about the hurtful words. He will be able to help you in your healing and in the process of moving forward.
Hurtful words hurt, and we shouldn't ever pretend that they don't hurt. Don't bottle them away, and don't allow them to fill your heart. Choose to forgive the person who said the hurtful words to you even if they never ask for forgiveness or say they're sorry.
This reflects God just as He forgives us in Christ. You are truly obeying God when you do as He commands. Forgiving them doesn't mean what they did is okay.
Rather, it means that you are giving it over to God, and you won't allow what they did to you to fill up your heart anymore. Instead, you are giving it over to God and trusting Him with the outcome.
Why Does This Matter?
If you are experiencing pain today from hurtful words, know you are not alone. Everyone has been hurt by words at some point in their life. Jesus Himself can relate to us as many people said hurtful words to Him.
In the modern day, people still curse Jesus and hurt Him with their words. Jesus knows what you are going through, and He can help you heal. Turn your heart and worries over to Him, and He will help you in your healing journey.
For further reading:
How to Remember That Words Do Hurt
What Do I Do When Friends Hurt Me?
How Do We Pray for Those Who Hurt Us?
Photo Credit: ©iStock/Getty Images Plus/Liubomyr Vorona
