When I read that question, I felt the desperation that comes along with the inquiry. I hear my own struggle that led to questioning my God as I personally lived under the weight of unrelenting anxiety and depression for the better part of the last decade. So many of us are not only burdened by the physical turmoil that these imbalances bring but also are weighted down with a sense of shame and uncertainty that attaches to us when our faith communities fail to choose empathy and understanding when they bring up faith and mental health.
In my experience, generally, Christ-following people who have never suffered from true clinical-level anxiety and depression have a hard time empathizing with what it is to walk this road. They have not felt the physical dread, the deafening despondence, and therefore, have not been in need of a miraculous intervention required for those diagnosed with depression for their minds and bodies to live free and healthy. For most of us, experience is the way we are forced to push past easy answers and dig deeper into how God loves us through our physical battles that impact our minds, bodies, and souls.
I’ve had to do a lot of forgiving of people who passed me books that were designed to Christian self-help me out of needing medication, who have expressed their frustration when people they love couldn’t snap out of their depressive episodes, and who have said that if I had a deeper faith, I would not be in this battle. I forgive them and remember that they just can’t know what they have never experienced.
They don’t understand how often I’ve poured over the scriptures about peace and asked God to take my burden away, how I’ve tried every home remedy, self-help tip, and strategy to manage my symptoms with no relief. They have not felt how thankful I am and so very happy for my life, yet all the while, my body would not match what my thinking brain was trying so hard to tell it to do. You can be depressed and still be so very thankful and content with God’s gifts in your life. That’s a truth I only found as I finally accepted my medical diagnosis. For so long, I felt that this couldn't be depression because I love my life so much. I lived and still battle shame that shouts the lie that my depression meant I was not in God’s will for my life.
All of this kept me trapped for so long because rather than accepting medical interventions, I just kept striving to somehow Bible truth my way to health. The easy answers seemed to be working for everyone else I knew, so I was determined to make them work for me. Honestly, it took seven years into this struggle to meet another Christian who shared how medication helped bring their body into health after dealing with depression. Their openness about the joy they felt after accepting this intervention opened a door in my soul. I knew they loved Jesus, and if this Jesus-loving person found freedom with the help of medical support, it was finally okay for me to accept my own needs, too.
Medication is not the answer for everyone, but I share my story because, at the heart of it, pride and shame kept me from exploring all the options for me to be healthy after I experienced postpartum anxiety and depression that never resolved until I took medication. This was seven years of suffering and struggling. I could have lived more fully if I had known other Christ followers who really were willing to hear me, see me, and affirm that I was not a failure. The reality was that I was a Mom whose body was not producing enough serotonin, I needed medicine to help bring my body into balance. This is just the same as if my body stopped making insulin, everyone would immediately instruct me to begin taking life saving medication. But for some reason, I was taught to believe that mental health was always a spiritual problem and not a physical one.
Depression could also be a physical response to a real loss, traumatic experience, or other difficult life event. The Bible tells us to ‘mourn with those that mourn’ (Romans 12:15-18), and in these cases, depression is someone caught up in a deep physical sort of mourning. The answer, then, is people. It’s counseling, therapy, new habits, and an infusion of hope into a life that has felt more than its fair share of loss. The Christian answer to this situation is not merely an I am praying for you, and it’s an I am going to be here with you. It’s a commitment to be present and help as someone you love pushes back the darkness that has settled over their life.
In every case in which we go from just being down to being depressed as Christ followers, it’s vital that we understand this does not separate us from God. There is no shame in deep, difficult feelings, and as we read the Bible, we see them expressed in almost every story. Jesus himself wept out tears of blood as he prepared for his own death. I think it’s safe to say he was battling some pretty dark and difficult emotions (Luke 22:44), and interestingly, the one thing he asked his disciples to do for him at that time was to be awake with him. Spoiler alert: they failed him, and all fell asleep while he wrestled all he was feeling about what was to come.
Yet, so much of our current Christian culture focuses on the peppy, super blessed, and always happy brand of Christianity. Those people aren’t real. No one only ever feels happy, and we are made to experience a wide range of emotions. Nonetheless, we’ve been trained to hide our real needs in fear we won’t be good enough for Jesus, but we can never be good enough for him. We are just supposed to be with him. That’s the only requirement to be a Christian: you must be with Jesus.
So, if you are in the depths of depression, first, I want to say I am so sorry. It’s just truly the worst feeling in the world, and getting out of that dark, complex place is really challenging. God is with you in this. He made us feel deeply, and our world is chaotic. We would not be responding appropriately to this fallen world if we were only ever happy. We know in this life, there will be trouble, and we are promised never to go through it without God once we are in his family.
Next, as believers, we are called to encourage one another in love (1 Thessalonians 5:11). Find someone who loves Jesus who can be real with you and encourage you even in this dark moment. This can be a pastor, friend, mentor, counselor, therapist, and the list goes on. We are not meant to stay in the dark alone.
Finally, our minds, bodies, and souls are connected. Our minds struggle with our bodies are not well. If you find yourself stuck in a longstanding struggle with depression and more, gather all the interventions that will bring your body into proper alignment just as you would for any other ailment. I know God wanted me to trust him enough to accept my need for medication, and it truly was the first time in years that I felt free from my battle. Thankfully, I have been able to end my medication and am doing well. Through all of this I am learning to trust God to bring freedom in his way in his timing. My job is just to be humble and obedient to His Spirit’s leadership in health, even when my body fails. I pray you find the freedom to trust him even with this.
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