Despite only being a freshman in high school, Marci has a wide social following. Young girls from around the globe watch videos of Marci putting on makeup and explaining her beauty hacks to the world. She’s always surrounded by friends at school. If freshmen could be prom queen, she’d be a favorite to win. Marci is popular and connected.
But Marci sits with her counselor on this snowy Thursday in tears. Though she is surrounded by people and has a social following envied by many, she feels deeply unknown and thus lonely. Ironically, she’s not alone in her loneliness. Recent studies have revealed that almost 80% of people in Generation Z report feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness has been labeled a public health crisis, with its effects on physical health equated to smoking 15 cigarettes a day. Churches are not immune. The struggle persists among believers, as many people sit in pews every week feeling unseen and disconnected.
But there is one group that doesn’t seem to struggle in the same way. The Amish.
A recent piece in Christianity Today shares that the Amish seem to have loneliness figured out[1]. A professional counselor who works with Amish and Mennonite communities expressed that they’ve never heard someone in their community complain about loneliness. Why is that? Do they have something figured out that those in broader Christian culture have missed?
Before we explore these questions, though, we need to look at how the Bible talks about loneliness.
From the beginning pages of the Bible, we get the idea that God is not a fan of loneliness. After God created Adam, He declared, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). This is rather jarring because up until this point everything which God had made was deemed “very good”. Our need for relationships is not part of the fall but rather part of our creation. Loneliness was not a flaw in Adam’s character but a reflection of his design.
Marica, the teenager with tons of friends but still lonely, feels this way because she was made in the image of a relational God. She is meant to love and to be loved by others. She’s more than just an “influencer.” The Bible calls her to more than just being known about, and we have a deep longing to be fully known.
God fixed the loneliness of Adam by giving him a suitable helper in Eve. But shortly after this, sin entered the world and shattered our relationships with one another and with God. Alienation and loneliness brought on by human sin have now entered the human experience. After the fall, Adam and Eve hid from God and each other (Genesis 3:7-10). And this broken relationship with God became the broken foundation from which all other loneliness would come. Throughout Scripture, we see examples of people grappling with isolation and loneliness. Hagar was abandoned in the wilderness (Genesis 16), Elijah was alone in the desert (1 Kings 19), David often expressed his loneliness through songs (see Psalm 25 and 142). Loneliness is part of our human experience.
But we also see in each of these stories a God who comes near. He consistently meets people in their loneliness. Once again, reminding us that it is not good for man to be alone. The psalmists not only express relational despair but also healing through God’s work.
We see loneliness come to its zenith and its solution in the person and work of Christ. Jesus felt and experienced loneliness of a depth that no human will ever experience. As He endured the punishment for our sin, He cried out, “My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?” He was alone in the Garden. He was alone on the Cross. And He was alone in the tomb. At least until the Father rose Him from the dead. In taking on the full weight of sin and separation, Jesus reconciled us to God, ensuring that believers would never be forsaken. He, in a sense, solved the problem of loneliness for eternity.
The story of loneliness in the Bible ends in Revelation 21:3-4 when God dwells with His people forever, wiping away every tear and eliminating all sorrows—like loneliness. God’s presence will dissipate the ache of loneliness forever. Until that glorious day, the church is called to be a reflection of this future reality. We should be a community where no one walks alone. The darkness of loneliness should be increasingly pushed back, and the community cherished.
This is why it’s so important that we look into what the Amish seem to have figured out. Community matters. Loneliness is a crisis. It’s not okay for us to have profound loneliness. So, what have they done to help with loneliness?
Honestly, I think I’m framing this a little backward. While pushing back loneliness is certainly a concern for the Amish, and similar communities, it is not their main focus. Rather, the focus is positively on building community. The Amish have decided to confront loneliness head-on and labor to build community.
In that article in Christianity Today, the author explores how the rules of their community serve them in this regard. He says:
"There is a logic here, as draconian as the restrictions may seem, and it is not only about separation from the world and its evils. It is also about fostering community. The rules make it hard to be isolated, autonomous, and independent. They require community members to work together, stay together, and bond together.[2]"
The Amish are outpacing loneliness by weaving community into the fabric of their society. Yes, the rules are strict, but they also foster togetherness and identity. Barn raisings shared meals, and quilting bees are examples of the Amish depending upon one another and naturally forming connections. You cannot “do life” in an Amish community in isolation.
Think about someone like Marcia. She likely uses her screen, with her expansive social platform, to escape, connect, and even try to distract herself from loneliness. But it isn’t working. It’s only further isolating her and pushing her away from the community. Connectedness isn’t community, which is why the Amish eschew the technology altogether. Without the distraction of a smartphone, they’ve created space for face-to-face conversation and intentional interaction. Group texts aren’t necessary because, in an Amish community, you are living shoulder-to-shoulder.
These “plain people” realize that community doesn’t just happen, but it must be intentional. They acknowledge that we don’t just drift into community, but we’re bent toward isolation. The fall has us hiding behind fig bushes and pits us against one another. In the broader evangelical culture individualism is assumed, it’s considered an immovable expression of our humanity. The Amish would disagree and they might be right. They’ve certainly got something figured out when it comes to combatting loneliness.
What can we learn here? Do we need to park our car and buy a horse? Should I disconnect from the internet, unplug from social media, call up the electricity company, and have them cut my service? Maybe before dismissing these suggestions as crazy, I should do as these communities do and actually weigh the cost of technology. What if pitching my cellphone did lead to a deeper community? Is it worth it to me? Is that a tradeoff I’m willing to make?
While we might not plan on adopting the Amish way of life, at least not yet, their example does force us to ask important questions. What does it mean to build an intentional, Christ-centered community? How can we confront loneliness head-on, what sacrifices will need to be made to combat this? I think that’s the biggest lesson we can learn here. True community doesn’t just happen—it’s built. And it often requires sacrifice, especially in the realm of technology.
But I also have a question I’d want to ask of the Amish community. What is the foundation of your unity? What is the foundation of this community? Is it the Amish way of life? Is it the things of the periphery, or is it Christ Himself? Ephesians 2:19-22 tells us that Christ is the foundation of our community. I think all Christian community needs to start here. I’m not saying that the Amish don’t, but I’m saying there is a real danger on the other end of this intentionality. We can be defined by our rules to protect the community instead of seeing the community flow out of a gospel foundation.
Our goal must be a Christ-centered community. We can learn from the Amish by creating spaces for connection. Furthermore, they are correct in choosing presence over convenience. Technology does often pull us away from one another. We ought to be more thoughtful and move away from an uncritical acceptance of these “blessings.” If it’s killing the community, is it truly worth it?
The Marci’s in your world likely know this. The loneliness that comes from technology is killing them, but they don’t know how to get off the merry-go-round. Do we? I’m not sure we can help Marci if we ourselves are spinning out of control. The Amish have much to teach us here, are we willing to listen?
[1] https://www.christianitytoday.com/2025/01/ive-never-heard-anyone-complain-of-loneliness/
[2] Ibid
Photo Credit: ©Unsplash/Kia Sari
Mike Leake is husband to Nikki and father to Isaiah and Hannah. He is also the lead pastor at Calvary of Neosho, MO. Mike is the author of Torn to Heal and Jesus Is All You Need. His writing home is http://mikeleake.net and you can connect with him on Twitter @mikeleake. Mike has a new writing project at Proverbs4Today.