Forgiving When You Don't Think You Can

One of the most difficult things to do in life is to forgive someone who does not deserve forgiveness. This is one of the greatest obstacles to someone who wants to grow their faith. It can be such a stumbling block to move beyond the hurt of the past that someone else has caused. The word gospel means “Good news.” If you are someone who struggles to forgive, I have good news for you. The Bible offers solutions.

When Forgiveness Feels Out of Reach

Perhaps you have not been able to forgive someone who wronged you, because you feel much like my friend, Michael. Today, Michael is a missionary to the Philippines, and at the age of seventy-four, he has spent a lifetime serving the Lord in ministry. Although he loved the Lord and faithfully served Him, he could not bring himself to forgive his father as he knew he needed to. The last time he saw his father, Michael was only twelve years old. In a drunken rage, he picked his mother up off the ground and threw her stomach-first into the coffee table while she was nine months pregnant. Worse yet, this was not the first beating the family had taken. 

Michael grew up under an abusive father. His mother, his siblings, and even he himself suffered so much when they did not deserve it. Michael recently spoke at the church I pastor, Preaching Christ Church, and told us the riveting story of how God led him to once and for all, forgive his dad. Throughout his pastoral career, he would counsel with people who struggled with forgiveness, while all along struggling himself. The tricky part is that he would think he had forgiven his father, until something would happen that would resurface all of those old feelings, taking him back to square one—unforgiveness.

Forgiveness Is a Close Encounter with Grace 

Years ago, he was speaking at a church in Tulsa, Oklahoma. He had to drive most of the night to make it back home and was beginning to get sleepy. To keep himself awake, he searched the radio dial until he heard the voice of a preacher. He was surprised when the radio preacher said tonight I am preaching on forgiveness. Michael explained that he had not thought of his dad in months until that moment, and all of a sudden, his dad and terrible memories flashed through his mind. It was much easier to turn the radio off than to face those memories. However, to his amazement, as soon as he reached to turn it off, the radio preacher said, “Don’t turn me off. There is a preacher listening who needs to hear these words tonight.”

Michael knew in his heart that this message was for him. He said he threw his hands up and said, “Okay, God, you have my attention.” This radio preacher began to explain that the reason most people are unable to forgive is that they feel like it would make what the person did to them not matter. Michael went on to explain how this was exactly how he unconsciously felt. If he truly forgave his dad, then that would mean all the beatings they suffered were not valid. This radio preacher wisely explained that to forgive someone does not mean that what they did to you does not matter, but what forgiveness does is it frees you from allowing their sin to become your sin by holding on to unforgiveness. 

Michael said that night he pulled his car over and, for the first time in his life, truly forgave his father. Do you know why he was able to do this? It is because scripture says that those who have been forgiven are able to forgive (Ephesians 4:32). When Michael realized that by letting go of the hurt of the past, it did not change the facts of what happened to him, he was then able to go forward. Weeks later, he contacted his father, and his dad asked him to come visit him. It was such a difficult thing to do, because Michael had not seen him since he was twelve years old. Because Michael had experienced God’s grace and God’s forgiveness, he was able to lead his father to the Lord. His dad passed away shortly after that, but today, Michael has a unique peace that all is forgiven between him and God and him and his father. Do you know this peace? Do you want this peace? It can be yours if you follow the advice of Ephesians 4:32, 

“Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you.”

The real question is not, “Does the person who wronged you deserve forgiveness?” No, the real question is, “Do I deserve God’s forgiveness?” That is the beautiful thing about grace. None of us deserves it, but those who have received it can, by the power of God, extend it to others.

A Prayer to Lead You toward Forgiveness and Allow You to Let Go of Past Hurt

Lord Jesus,
You know the struggle I have had with forgiveness. You know that I do not have the power within myself to let what happened to me go, but you do have the power, and I accept and receive your help to forgive. The person who wronged me is not deserving of my forgiveness, just as I am not deserving of Yours. Yet, you still offer me your grace. Right now, in Jesus' Name, I give that same grace to the person who hurt me. May you forgive them as you have forgiven me. May I forgive them with your unique love, joy, and grace. I choose forgiveness in Jesus' Name.
Amen.

Photo Credit: ©Getty Images/Antonio Guillem

Chad Roberts is the founder and lead pastor of Preaching Christ Church. He is the author and Bible teacher for Awakened to Grace. He has authored Calling on the Name of the Lord, Awakened to Grace, and He’s in the Waiting. He has traveled through forty countries, sharing the Gospel, and training leaders. When the unexpected storm of blindness slammed into Chad’s life in 2018, he had a decision to make. He could resign to the life of disability or he could go forward trusting God with the unknown. He could not have continued on without the support of his amazing wife of over fifteen years, Sadie. Their four children, Piper, Emmy, Hudson, and John Mark, are their greatest joys. They live just outside the Great Smoky Mountains in Kingsport, Tennessee.

Chad’s pastoral career has not been defined by blindness. Rather, it is his clear, biblical teaching that continues to grow an audience. He has traveled through forty nations, training pastors and strengthening churches.

Today, Chad teaches people to trust a God they cannot see. His days are filled with the things he loves most: leading, speaking, writing, and of course, coffee! He is a spiritual content creator. By God’s grace, he is emerging as a trusted spiritual voice in people’s lives. Chad may have blindness, but blindness does not have him.