No parent wants to give his or her child unfettered access to the Internet. But neither is it realistic or wise to forbid any access whatsoever. How then do we plot a course that avoids these two extremes and yet maximizes their moral and spiritual safety?
1. Educate
First, educate yourself. Hiding your head in the sand, ostrich-style, is not an option for the serious Christian. You must get on the Internet and start learning. Begin with websites that cover technology at a popular level. One of the best is www.getnetwise.org. They have articles highlighting good sites with advice on how to avoid dangerous sites. They will cover things like phishing, scams, viruses, firewalls, filter and site-blocking software.
Second, educate your children. Explain that the Internet is like a jungle. It has many hidden dangers that we must learn how to avoid, or how to escape if we stumble upon them. We want to explore this exciting new world, but we want to return unscathed. If your children understand some of the dangers and consequences then they will be more willing to accept boundaries and controls.
2. Fence
The first fence we must erect is anti-virus software. I am astonished at how many people still risk their computers by not installing this software. Most of the paid services cost $50-100 per year. If you were told that you were certain to get a damaging virus in your body unless you took a free medicine, or one that cost $1 a week, what would you do?
Second, you should also install a firewall, mainly for security. Anti-virus software stops evil people getting evil things into your machine. A firewall stops evil people getting your personal information out of your machine. And with both anti-virus and firewall, you must keep them updated.
Third, set some time boundaries. The Internet and other technology can become highly addictive, and devour hours and hours of our time. Limit the frequency and length of use of technology. Again, you can get software to measure this and cut off devices after certain periods of time. Or you can use an Administrator password to make sure that no one can access the Internet or use the computer without you signing them in.
Fourth, set some site limits. When beginning with your children, you should probably start with one safe children’s site and only allow them to click and surf within that site. If they prove trustworthy and reliable, then you can add another. You can check their browsing activity using the browser history record.
Fifth, limit the amount of personal information that your children are permitted to divulge. I would suggest that you set a strict rule that they never use their real name, and certainly not their real address or phone number. Their email address should only be given to those you agree to.
Sixth, set bounds on what can be downloaded. Do not allow them to download anything without prior permission.
3. Mentor
Having educated both yourself and your children, and having set up some boundaries and fences, the next stage is to mentor them as they use the Internet. It’s not enough to teach them some rules, and then walk away. You have to sit with them and surf with them. Guide them as they work within the boundaries. Ask them why they clicked on this and not that. Highlight and praise good use, while steering them away from what is harmful.
4. Supervise
You cannot mentor them forever. So when you feel they are ready, you can begin to supervise from a bit of a distance. This is not the time for handing everything over and trusting them. Many parents do just that. 84% of parents rely on verbal agreements to ensure their children surf safely. I do not think that is at all wise or responsible. We need step back a bit but still supervise.
The first level of supervision is physical. Simply put, all screens (TV, computer, laptop, ipad, phones, etc) should be visible to others in the home. You could put your computers all in one fairly public place.
The second level of supervision is digital. There are many software programs that offer various ways to supervise our children. Some act like filters, stopping them accessing web pages containing certain trigger words like “sex,” “casino,” etc. Others will block websites belonging to certain categories you can specify. You can also name certain sites you do not want accessed. You may want to block Instant Messaging or chat services. Other programs will monitor usage and send detailed reports to you either in real-time or weekly.
As your children grow older you can probably reduce the level of physical supervision and rely more on digital supervision. However, please don’t rely on digital supervision alone. It is not fool-proof and tech-savvy kids can sometimes find ways of getting round it.
5. Review
It’s very tempting to get to this point, and then hand it all over to the software to do its job. However, I think it is important to keep communication going. Sit down with your kids and ask them about their online experiences. Without threat of repercussions, ask them if they have anything they wish to share with you. Any great websites they would recommend? Any websites that worried them? Did they make any mistakes? Maybe sit down with the Internet Accountability report and talk it over with them. Encourage them if they are getting good ratings, and talk to them about what may be causing alarm bells to ring. Let them know that you are still involved and concerned.
6. Trust
This step-by-step training program assumes that as you progress, you are doing the earlier steps less and less. As our kids grow older, and hopefully more mature and trustworthy, we can step back more, and let them become their own filter and blocker. We are preparing them to “leave father and mother” and “cleave to their wife/husband.” However, I do believe that all of us should have an accountability partner for our technology use. So you should strongly advise them to use Accountability Software and have the report sent to their future husband or wife, or their Pastor, or a strong Christian friend.
7. Model
Perhaps the most powerful of all the steps is to model godly use of technology. Show as well as tell. By your example show them good time management. Demonstrate that you too are accountable to your husband or wife, via physical and digital supervision.
New hearts for new technology
Ultimately however, we must pray for our children to have new hearts in order to rightly handle the new technology. Our children are born with depraved hearts. They will therefore love darkness rather than light. They are going to be attracted to the dark side of the internet. So we must pray for them to be born again. We must pray that God would replace the love of darkness with love for the light.
Only then will they turn their backs on evil communications, which corrupt good manners. Only then will they want to think on whatsoever things are good, true and of good report. We can train, legislate, hover, etc., but above all we must pray that our children would ultimately live and obey not out of fear of the law but out of love for Christ.
Then they will pray more than Twitter. They will seek the face of Christ in the book of books, and fill their space with the one who fills all space.
For further information on this Seven-Step training program you can view the God’s Technology DVD and Study Guide.
(First published January 4, 2013)
How Can Christians Approach Technology With a Biblical Worldview?
The following is a transcript of the video above, edited for readability.
I don't think anyone has really yet appreciated the full impact of the digital revolution. I personally believe it's having a greater impact than the industrial revolution, the printing revolution. I think it's affecting us, not just relationally. It's definitely having huge impact on relationships. I think the evidence is showing increasingly that it's impacting us physically. Brains are actually being changed by the way people use technology. There is a rewiring going on, a reshaping going on, which is affecting the way people think, the way people study, the way people acquire and retain information. It's having huge spiritual impact, partly because of the way that people are just living in a world of constant distraction. Spiritual life can't flourish in that. It needs space, it needs silence, it needs prolonged time.
I would recommend people read Tim Challies' book, The Next Story. I think of all the books I've read in the subject, I think that really is the closest to analyzing the full width and depth and length of the impact of technology. Looking at it again from various perspectives, but also giving people some exit strategies or at least coping strategies to keep this in its place.
No one loves technology more than I do. I marvel at the wisdom of God in it because when I say Steve Jobs produce a new Apple, yeah, we admire the human genius, but there's a divine genius who has allowed these discoveries and inventions to be made. He's the ultimate creator. So I look at it and I admire the wisdom of God and the goodness of God. I'm so glad we live in this age, I don't want to live 100 years ago or 200 years ago, we have so many benefits, but we do really have to appreciate the downside, the risk, the damage.
I think Christians have to be quite aggressive. You can't just sit back and take the odd defensive measure. You've actually got to go in the offensive with this for yourself, especially if you're a parent with your children and start young. If you just wait and wait and wait until there's teenagers, it's too late and they're going to be ahead of you and so you got to keep educated. You got to keep in relationship with your children over these matters. Build an accountability relationship, trusting relationship, because if we release them on the world without any training, any defenses, any coping strategies, they have no hope. Really. They are wide-eyed and bushy-tailed about technology. They're not naturally going to think up the negatives. A parent has to come in and give them the tools, the way to think, the way to approach technology so that they can get the benefit from it, and yet prevent damage to their own relationships, for sure with other people, but also with God, and even prevent damage to their own brain, the way they're going to be able to think and study process, retain information for living a wise and useful life.
(First published March 8, 2013)
David Murray is professor of Old Testament and Practical Theology at Puritan Reformed Theological Seminary. He blogs at HeadHeartHand and you can follow him on Twitter @DavidPMurray.
Photo Credit: © Unsplash/Rodion Kutsaev
