Years ago, I traveled to the beautiful country of India. Being from America, I was struck by the many public shrines to one of the numerous Hindu gods, usually including a statue and picture of the god to worship. I didn’t have any sacred statue of another god in my house or community, and I didn’t know anyone who did.
Yet the absence of “graven images” in my life didn’t mean I shouldn’t worry about idolatry. Even without a statue of another god, I could be tempted by idolatry.
Idolatry, in essence, is worshipping the work of our own hands, any object or philosophy of our own making. We can make idols out of sexuality, government, our culture, and even our Christian religious practices if we take pride in our own power and ability rather than the power and work of God.
God tells us to reject idols because he is the only God, and the lie of idolatry will destroy us. And since he loves us, he doesn’t want us to go down that path.
For fathers in our culture today, what kinds of idols tempt us?
Here are seven sneaky idols destroying fatherhood today.
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1. Porn
Pornography has been a problem since the 50s, but with the rise of the internet and smartphones, it has become pervasive across our culture and even with children.
Pornography subtly erodes the values and commitments central to a father’s faith and family. In the privacy of consumption, it may seem like a personal choice, but its effects can permeate various aspects of a man's life.
Firstly, pornography can distort the understanding of intimacy within a marital relationship. Instead of fostering genuine connection and intimacy with one's spouse, it creates unrealistic expectations and objectifies individuals, leading to a harmful impact on marital bonds.
Secondly, the secretive nature of consuming pornography can lead to a breach of trust within the family. The hidden behavior can foster a sense of betrayal, as family members may feel deceived or neglected when the truth is revealed.
Thirdly, the time and mental energy invested in consuming pornography can divert a father's attention from his familial responsibilities. This distraction can hinder the development of healthy family dynamics and diminish the quality of relationships.
Addressing the issue of pornography as a potential idol involves acknowledging its detrimental impact on faith, marriage, and family life. It requires open communication, accountability, and seeking support from the Christian community to break free from its subtle but destructive grip.
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2. Career
Men want to find areas where they succeed and find worth like anyone does. Often, they believe they can find their identity and worth in a career. Unfortunately, their job then becomes an idol.
A personal career can gradually take precedence over core spiritual and familial values. While commendable, the pursuit of professional success can unintentionally lead to a skewed prioritization, negatively impacting various aspects of a father's life.
Firstly, an all-consuming focus on one’s career may compromise the time and attention dedicated to nurturing family relationships. The demanding nature of a career can create a subtle but significant rift, diminishing the quality of interactions and shared moments within the family.
Secondly, a career-oriented mindset may inadvertently prioritize personal ambitions over spiritual growth and involvement in the Christian community. As the pursuit of professional goals intensifies, the commitment to spiritual practices, church engagement, and communal responsibilities might wane.
We are meant to find our identity and worth in Christ, not a job or career that is temporary and not built on anything solid or eternal.
Addressing the risk of a personal career becoming a sneaky idol necessitates intentional reflection on priorities. Balancing career aspirations with a steadfast commitment to family, faith, and community involvement is crucial to maintaining a holistic and spiritually grounded life. Regular self-assessment, open communication with family, and seeking spiritual guidance can help Christian fathers navigate the fine line between professional aspirations and the values integral to their faith.
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3. Wealth
The Bible tells us that the love of money is the root of evil (1 Timothy 6:10). Money itself isn’t evil, but when we seek it for our own pleasure or as a symbol of our personal worth, wealth becomes an idol.
Wealth subtly competes for a place of prominence in a father’s heart and priorities.
Firstly, an all-consuming focus on accumulating wealth may divert a father’s attention from nurturing meaningful relationships within the family. The relentless pursuit of financial prosperity can create a subtle but significant detachment, impacting the quality of interactions and shared moments with loved ones. This pursuit also begins to view relationships in transactional terms, viewing others through this lens, as well. All people have intrinsic worth, being made in the image of God. Personal wealth doesn’t increase or decrease that worth.
Secondly, the quest for wealth may inadvertently precede spiritual growth and engagement with one's faith community. As financial pursuits intensify, the commitment to spiritual practices, church involvement, and communal responsibilities may diminish, leading to a spiritual void.
Thirdly, the accumulation of wealth can subtly shape a father's identity, intertwining his self-worth with financial success rather than his relationship with God. This shift in priorities may lead to a spiritual emptiness, as material possessions precede the eternal values championed by the Christian faith.
Guarding against wealth becoming a sneaky idol involves deliberate introspection, reevaluating priorities, and fostering a balance between financial goals and spiritual well-being.
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4. Entertainment
Men feel like they need a break. It might be a cliché, but men desire times to pull away to a cave of sorts. In our modern culture, men pull away into entertainment and consumerism.
Entertainment and consumerism can subtly divert attention and devotion away from essential spiritual and familial values. The pervasive influence of modern media and the allure of consumer culture can lead to unintended consequences that compromise the foundations of faith and family life.
Firstly, an excessive focus on entertainment may consume valuable time that could otherwise be spent fostering meaningful connections within the family. The constant pursuit of leisure and amusement can create a subtle but significant distance, affecting the quality of relationships and shared experiences. We are meant to find deep joy in relationships with others, not screens.
Secondly, the pervasive culture of consumerism can foster materialistic desires, subtly prioritizing the accumulation of possessions over spiritual and communal well-being. As the allure of consumer culture intensifies, the pursuit of material comfort may overshadow the deeper, enduring values espoused by the Christian faith.
Addressing the risk of entertainment and consumerism becoming sneaky idols involves intentional self-reflection and reevaluating priorities. Christian fathers can strive for a balanced approach. This begins with limiting time alone in mindless entertainment. Next, we can lead our families in fun and entertainment activities together, sharing these breaks and times away instead of using them for isolation.
5. Pride
One of the seven deadly sins is pride. Pride separates us from God and leads us to spiritual destruction (Proverbs 16:18-19). While achieving success and fighting for a place in life or even personal rights, pride becomes an idol.
While self-respect and confidence are commendable, an unchecked sense of pride can lead to unintended consequences that compromise both the father’s relationship with God and his interactions within the family.
Firstly, an excessive focus on personal achievements and perceived superiority may subtly distance a father from the humility advocated by Christian teachings. Pride can foster an attitude of self-sufficiency, diminishing the acknowledgment of dependence on God and undermining the essence of Christian humility.
Secondly, pride can hinder open communication and connection within the family. A father consumed by pride may struggle to admit mistakes or seek forgiveness, creating an environment of emotional distance and hindering the growth of authentic relationships.
Addressing the risk of pride becoming a sneaky idol requires a deliberate commitment to humility and self-awareness. Christian fathers can cultivate a spirit of gratitude, recognizing that their abilities and accomplishments are gifts from God. We should also remember to seek attitudes of praise and worship, bowing in our hearts toward God. Fostering an atmosphere of humility within the family, characterized by open communication, forgiveness, and a shared commitment to Christian values, can help guard against pride's subtle but potentially damaging influence.
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6. The Smart Phone
Despite the ready access to information and communication through smartphones, our culture seems to be more divided and unable to have healthy conversations. People spend hours on social media, and this reliance on our phones becomes an idol.
Firstly, the constant engagement with smartphones may subtly replace the valuable time that could be spent nurturing meaningful connections within the family. The allure of endless digital distractions can create a subtle but significant barrier, affecting the quality of relationships and shared moments with loved ones. Many are familiar with seeing a family at dinner but all on their phones instead of engaging with each other. Hopefully, we aren’t one of those families.
Secondly, social media is designed to titillate, hence the term “clickbait.” We become the product when social media is free, and the smartphone becomes the avenue to which we live in a bubble of ignorance or are exposed to pornography and consumerism.
Thirdly, men find satisfaction in activity and purpose. The smartphone offers little of this. Instead, these digital devices keep men from the type of productivity God calls them to, whether in their family, community, career, or the church.
Fathers should address this sneaky idol by limiting time on the phone and putting it away at the dinner table or during church activities.
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7. Independence
Especially in Western culture, men are taught to do things independently and not to rely upon others. We are each individual, but this overemphasis on self-reliance and self-sufficiency becomes an idol to fathers who are meant to work collaboratively with God, their wives, kids, church, and the community around them for the good of all.
Firstly, an excessive focus on personal capabilities and self-reliance may subtly distance a father from the acknowledgment of dependence on God. Pursuing absolute independence can foster an attitude of self-sufficiency, diminishing the recognition of God's guidance and provision in daily life.
Secondly, the relentless pursuit of self-sufficiency may create an unintended barrier within the family. A father consumed by the desire for autonomy may inadvertently discourage open communication and hinder the collaborative spirit essential for a thriving family dynamic. Men need the support of others for success, and this self-reliance leads instead to failure in many areas of life.
With a concentration on humility and service, fathers should first recognize their dependence upon God’s grace. Next, men must realize the importance of the partnership with their wives, a gift from God for wisdom and purpose. Finally, men should intentionally seek a brotherhood with other Christian men for friendship, encouragement, and accountability.
May each father humbly and regularly evaluate his own faith and attitudes in relation to the temptation to fall into idolatry of any kind. The Holy Spirit is a gift in this process, the one who Jesus says will lead us into all truth (John 16:13-15). Let us ask him for wisdom to reveal where we need to be careful to keep our hearts and lives from idolatry. Next, we should trust the spiritual community around us—our wives and other brothers in Christ—to bring a loving perspective in making sure we believe and live for the only God worthy of our worship.
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Originally published Friday, 19 January 2024.