We’ve all been there — we said something without thinking, and we hurt someone in the process. Careless words can really hurt our loved ones, and this is why it is important to be conscious of our words as well as to be intentional with our words.
Careless words are said without thinking. Intentional words are said with thought, care, and love. If you are in the habit of saying careless words, here are five ways to break this habit.
1. Think Before You Speak
One way of breaking the habit of careless words is to think before you speak. Most of us are taught this rule when we are small children; however, many people tend to forget this rule.
Rather than stopping and thinking about what they are going to say, they speak without a filter. As adults, there is no reason for us not to think before we speak. As an adult, it is time to be mature and to understand how your actions can affect others.
Rather than saying the first thing that comes to your mind, stop and think before you speak. It will only take a few seconds. Filter what you say and avoid saying anything that could be hurtful to someone else. Your words matter, and they have the power to build someone up or tear them down.
The Bible tells us, “The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell” (James 3:6). As this passage says, our tongue is a relentless evil, and we must learn to control it.
Don’t allow your words to tear someone down, and don’t allow careless words to inflict the same damage. The sad thing about careless words is that you might not even realize you said anything hurtful until later or until the person brings it up.
This is all the more reason to be intentional with your words and to think before you speak. Thinking before you speak will help you be a better friend, family member, and partner to your loved ones.
2. Ask Yourself, ‘Will This Hurt Someone?’
A second way to break the habit of careless words is to ask yourself, “Will this hurt someone?” This is always a good way to gauge if you should say something or not. By stopping and thinking before you speak, you will also be able to take the time to ask yourself, “Will this hurt someone?”
If the answer is yes, don’t say it. If it is a careless word or thought, it probably could cause much damage to who you are talking with. Don’t allow yourself to continue in the harmful cycle of careless words.
A thoughtless word or a remark said without thinking can really hurt someone. Maybe you don’t think it’s a “big deal,” but it really is a big deal. Hurting someone is never okay. Each time you hurt someone, you are hurting someone who is made in the image of God (Genesis 1:27).
Moreover, you are hurting God Himself. We often think if we hurt someone, it only hurts them, but it also hurts God. Nobody should ever want to intentionally hurt someone or to hurt God.
Asking yourself, “Will this hurt someone?” will be able to give you the clarity to break the habit of careless words. By being more intentional about this, you might be able to get in the habit of always thinking before you speak.
This will be a good habit to cultivate and will help you in all areas of your life. Don’t allow careless words or hurtful remarks to destroy your relationships with others because they will if you let them.
3. Slow Down
A third way to break the habit of careless words is to slow down. Taking the time to slow down will help you have time to think about what you are about to say. Slowing down is a good thing.
You don’t have to say the first thing that comes to your mind, nor do you need to interrupt someone while they are talking. Instead, slow down, read the conversation, and think before you say anything out loud. Having a hurtful thought is different than saying it out loud.
Slowing down will help you become a better communicator with others. Take time to listen to the other person and fully absorb what they are saying. You should also read their nonverbal cues since we communicate nonverbally more than we do verbally.
Somebody can say they are doing “fine” when their nonverbal cues tell you the exact opposite. Slow down and pay attention to these things. If you have difficulty understanding nonverbal communication and cues, do some research or seek out help from a professional.
4. When in Doubt, Don’t
A fourth way to break the habit of careless words is to use the rule: when in doubt, don’t. This is a rule my mother taught me at a young age. If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all. If you are in doubt that what you are about to say could hurt someone, just don’t say anything.
If someone is faced with your hurtful comment because you choose to say your careless words out loud to them, it could hurt them for a long time and cause them to distance themselves from you.
Stop, think, and don’t say anything when you are in doubt. If you don’t know how to reply to someone, be honest and say you don’t know what to say to help the person. There is beauty and genuineness in being honest with someone and admitting your own faults.
None of us are going to do everything right all the time. There will be times when we mess up, and when that happens, we need to apologize.
Even as much as we try sometimes, there will still be times when a careless word rears its ugly head, and we need to apologize to the person. Try to make things right with them, but also give them time.
5. Going to God for Help
A fifth way to break the habit of careless words is to go to God for help. Out of all the items listed here, this one is the most important. None of us can do anything apart from God’s help. Go to God for help and ask Him to help you be more careful with your words.
Ask Him to help you think before you speak, to help you remember to ask, “Will this hurt someone?” to slow down, and to not say anything when you are in doubt. God will be able to help you apply these skills, and you might learn other effective tactics as you apply them.
God always desires to help His children, but you have to go to Him. When we go to God in prayer, we are acknowledging our dependence on Him. God already knows what we need, yet He wants us to come to Him.
Tell Him about how you struggle with careless words and how you need help breaking this harmful habit. The Lord hears all of your prayers, and He will help you on your journey to break free from the cycle of saying careless words.
For further reading:
How to Remember That Words Do Hurt
Do Actions Really Speak Louder Than Words?
How Do I Deal with Hurtful Words?
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