I had had enough. The gossip, the insults, were just too much for us to take. After what seemed like a hundred conflicts in our church, we were getting burned out. What we didn't know was that God was using our pain and burnout to form us.
Ephesians 4:1-2 says, “Always be patient and gentle, bearing with one another in love.” But it’s easier said than done. It’s hard to argue with someone you truly love, right? Though we may have opinions and not be afraid to express them, we need to know that forbearance is bearing with one another in love.
This is a spiritual discipline, just like anything else. Notice in this passage that humility and gentleness always come before forbearance.
If you have any difficulty bearing with someone in love, check your heart or other areas where you are not being humble or patient. Has the sin of pride crept into your heart, and you didn't even notice? Here are four ways to bear with others in love.
1. Check Your Heart
Check to make sure your soul is in the best condition. Do you find people easily irritating? How can this be true? We are told we need to forbear with others, including our faults and weaknesses.
We are all human. We make mistakes and need grace. Even if someone has wronged you several times, it is important to forgive and then bear with them in love.
When we forgive others, and we act in the same way, knowing God has forgiven us, there is a lot more room for grace and forbearance.
However, if we feel we are better than people and let an air of superiority rule our lives, we will not be able to bear with one another.
The pride and impatience of others will derail us. We will become easily irritated and ruin our example for Christ. We need to act with the same love as Christ has given us.
Having said this, it may be difficult to forgive or forbear with someone who has hurt you. You can still bear with someone in love and not have a close relationship with them.
If the relationship is too toxic, it is important to set proper boundaries to let people know the lines of where they can go.
Boundaries are a healthy way to communicate and exist with people, especially those who don't share our perspective on what life should look like.
2. See Others as Brothers and Sisters in Christ
If you have found that you looked at your heart and all the issues have been resolved, think of the people in your life as brothers and sisters in Christ. Although a person may say they are a Christian, they may show their true colors, especially during conflict.
It is difficult to love people when they are acting out of accordance with biblical standards. It's easy to become critical when someone isn't doing what you think they should be doing.
However, it is important for us when we bear with others that it directly correlates with the example, we show the world. When we forgive others quickly, even when they have wronged us deeply, we exemplify what Christ did for us on the cross.
Not only do we exemplify an example of Christlikeness with other Christians, but the world will also see his example as well. This may cause people to become attracted to us because they want to know more about who Jesus is. This is a great way to draw people to Jesus.
3. Practice the Fruits of the Spirit
Humility and pride are opposites to each other. We cannot pretend to love our neighbor and then feel less than just because we haven't committed that specific act. Fruits of the spirit are required for a Christ-like character.
4. Offer Forgiveness
If the person has offended you many times, go to God each time with that forgiveness. This will be a proactive step for you to take to forgive and act with humility and gentleness. These two fruits help develop our perseverance that will be needed when large trials come.
How Do We Forbear?
Think about the people in your life. Can you speak with gentleness on your tongue, or do you forgive quickly so you can edify others around them? This does not mean we can’t speak the truth to others.
Sometimes people become aware of these issues with a simple heart-to-heart conversation. This will correct our behavior and allow us to remain in fellowship. However, if the person is hard-hearted, it's time to redefine what forbearance really looks like.
People don't like to be confronted, but it is necessary for people to grow in their maturity. Speaking the truth in love, we speak to them in this way to display what Jesus would do in that situation.
Bring that person to mind for a week in your prayer time. Ask the Father to show you any ways in which you may be harboring unforgiveness and bitterness. When we do these things, we model the same love that Christ had first church.
Take the necessary steps to forgive any offenses that might be keeping you from forbearing with that person. Bring your issue to God and practice forgiveness. Experience the gift of freedom and allow God to take away your burdens.
1 Peter 5:7 says, “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
Humility and forbearance go hand-in-hand. When we forbear with others, we humbly admit that we are all sinners and need God’s grace.
Additionally, forbearance takes self-control. When someone doesn’t deserve grace due to their offense, it’s easy to choose correction over grace. But true self-control requires restraint, not only physically but also emotionally.
Restraint can affect every aspect of our lives, particularly the tongue. When we choose to remain silent instead of blowing up out of anger, we bring it to the Lord instead, believing he will seek vengeance in due time.
To forbear means to bridle your emotions and not allow them to rule your behavior. When we can restrain ourselves and build others up rather than tear them down through the façade of correction, we understand the true benefit of forbearance.
Lastly, the more people see you bearing with others in love, the more they will want to have fellowship. When we strive to love our brothers and sisters in Christ, we practice forbearance. God wants us to live in unity and peace.
A body of Christ that loves each other the way Christ loves them displays grace and mercy in ways the world is crying out for. When those two things come together, Christ is glorified. When Christ is glorified, we become more like him.
Jesus is with you. When you understand Jesus is both with you and will help you, prepare to forbear. Speak to the Lord on this matter. Be the example of forbearance the church needs and what the world is crying out for.
For further reading:
What Does it Mean to 'Love Your Enemies'?
What Does ‘Love One Another’ Truly Mean?
Is it True That We Love Because He First Loved Us?
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