The Greek word ‘philia’ is a feminine noun which means friendship or affection, and is used numerous times throughout Scripture. Philia love in the Bible refers to deep friendship or brotherly love, characterized by mutual respect, shared values, and close bonds. One of the great joys of this life is finding a genuine friend one can spend time with, confide in, and that is there during difficult seasons as well as good seasons in our lives. The friendships that I have come to have on my journey of faith have been immensely important. These friends have prayed with me and encouraged me if I was struggling with anxiety, depression, or guilt. These friends have also come to support me at book signing events, and given me helpful advice when making important life decisions.
One of the greatest examples from Scripture of philia is the friendship between Jesus of Nazareth and the disciple John. Of the twelve disciples, John became known as “John the Beloved” because John is described as leaning his head on Jesus’ breast at the Last Supper. The author of John’s first century gospel account writes, “One of them, the disciple whom Jesus loved, was reclining next to him.” What makes this verse so interesting is that of all the disciples, John is described as the one being ‘the beloved.’ This description of John is not about favoritism but emphasizes the bond of friendship between Jesus and John.
The friendship between the Apostle Paul and Timothy is another good example of philia found in Scripture. Paul was a mentor to Timothy and helped him on his spiritual journey of following Christ. Through Paul’s encouragement, Timothy found the courage to help spread the good news of the gospel throughout different parts of Asia and the Middle East.
Yet another example of true philia friendship in the Bible is the friendship between Mary, the Mother of Jesus, and Elizabeth, her cousin. This relationship and friendship is recorded in Luke 1: 39-45. In Luke’s first century account, Mary visits Elizabeth, who had been barren for many years. Mary rejoices with Elizabeth, whose son is going to be John the Baptist, and Elizabeth rejoices with Mary, whose son is going to be Christ, the Messiah. This friendship between Mary and Elizabeth is an important example of two people of faith who encouraged each other and rejoiced with one another.
A good example of philia among two Christian friends is the friendship between C. S. Lewis and J. R. R. Tolkien. Both Lewis and Tolkien were wounded in WWI and became academics at Oxford University. At the heart of Lewis and Tolkien’s friendship was not just a common bond in literature but also a bond of faith. Tolkien was a devout Catholic when he met Lewis at a tea gathering in 1926 at Oxford University.
Though Lewis had grown up in a Christian home in Belfast, Northern Ireland, Lewis came to reject Christianity. What caused Lewis to become a staunch atheist was the sad loss of his mother at the age of nine, trauma experienced in WWI, and being taught a staunch rationalism by his tutor William Kirkpatrick, who was called “The Great Knock.” What role did philia play in Lewis becoming a Christian?
One evening in 1929, Tolkien and Lewis took a long stroll on Addison’s Walk by Magdalen College, Oxford. On this walk, Lewis and Tolkien conversed about myth, religion, and reason. Tolkien helped Lewis understand that the dying and rising god stories that he loved from different world mythologies actually came true in the story of Christ’s Incarnation, Death, and Resurrection in the first century. This revelation from his friend Tolkien helped Lewis come to a place of understanding with his mind and his heart. Lewis eventually made the leap from atheism to theism, and then to Christianity, and became one of the greatest Christian writers of the twentieth century.
When Tolkien was struggling to write his masterpiece The Lord of the Rings, he often got discouraged and felt as if no one would be interested in his epic fantasy novel. Lewis continued to encourage Tolkien over a period of fourteen years to finish his book. Because of Lewis’ friendship, Tolkien found the encouragement he needed to finish The Lord of the Rings. The book has inspired many different musicians, poets, teachers, artists, and writers around the world.
In his book, The Four Loves, published in 1960, Lewis captures the joy and gift of friendship in this very poignant passage, “Friendship is unnecessary, like philosophy, like art, like the universe itself (for God did not need to create). It has no survival value; rather it is one of those things which give value to survival” (p.71).
A friend is not a mere acquaintance that you spend time with every now and then, but someone who loves you and is completely devoted to you. Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.” This verse from Scripture is an affirmation of how friends often become closer than one's own biological family.
Philia is sharply distinct from romantic love and family love. Family love is described as ‘storge,’ meaning affection in ancient Greek. In families, people are joined together biologically (usually) or by marriage and take care of each other by making sure shelter, food, and social skills are taught to prepare one to be a responsible, mature adult.
The ancient Greek word for romantic love is ‘eros.’ In this love, two people find themselves bonded together romantically. Romantic love could start with a common interest in music, literature, poetry, art, sports, etc. The romantic love between two people is a sacrament mirroring the unique relationship between Christ and his Bride, the Church.
Though philia can certainly lead to romantic love, it is a type of love in which deep affection is central but is also kept platonic. Platonic friendships are a great gift from God and are very important for spiritual growth and discipleship.
Since we human beings are created in the imago dei (image of God), we all need community to help us grow intellectually, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The very early church in the first century obeyed Jesus’ teaching to love God and love your neighbor as yourself. As theologian N. T. Wright has pointed out, one of the reasons the early church was thought of as peculiar by different people groups living during the Roman Empire, is because the church took care of not just their own, but any stranger that was in need of friendship and hospitality. Many hospitals, universities, libraries, and farms were founded by Christians seeking to be the hands and feet of Christ as they sought to befriend their neighbors and extend the love of Christ.
The gift of friendship shows how diverse the body of Christ is. The glory of friendship between people from all different walks of life reflects the beauty, glory, and joy experienced in the agape love of Christ. Biblical, agape love is unconditional, sacrificial, and selfless. It is the love God shows to humanity, demonstrated through Jesus Christ’s sacrifice on the cross. Agape love is not based on emotions or feelings but is an intentional act of will to seek the well-being of others. Christians are called to reflect this divine love by loving others with the same selfless devotion that God shows to us. No matter one’s past, circumstances, social status, or ethnicity, we are all called friends of God because of the redemption of Christ.
Further Reading
What is Love? Bible Defintion
What are the Four Types of Love?
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Justin Wiggins is an author who works and lives in the primitive, majestic, beautiful mountains of North Carolina. He graduated with his Bachelor's in English Literature, with a focus on C.S. Lewis studies, from Montreat College in May 2018. His first book was Surprised by Agape, published by Grant Hudson of Clarendon House Publications. His second book, Surprised By Myth, was co-written with Grant Hudson and published in 2021. Many of his recent books (Marty & Irene, Tír na nÓg, Celtic Twilight, Celtic Song, Ragnarok, Celtic Dawn) are published by Steve Cawte of Impspired.
Wiggins has also had poems and other short pieces published by Clarendon House Publications, Sehnsucht: The C.S. Lewis Journal, and Sweetycat Press. Justin has a great zeal for life, work, community, writing, literature, art, pubs, bookstores, coffee shops, and for England, Scotland, and Ireland.