The idea of loving yourself can seem arrogant. The words alone can conjure images of someone staring in the mirror, admiring how beautiful and wonderful they are. In this age, we have even coined a phrase that speaks directly to the idea of self-love: we call it a selfie. Somehow, I don’t think the inventors had this in mind when they created the first camera.
As Christians, it is not uncommon to wrestle with this idea and even wonder if there is a problem with self-love or is the real issue when we take it to the extreme. Anything taken to an extreme can harm you, self-love as well as anything else. So, how do we navigate this potential landmine when much of what we see and experience in the world is self-centered and ego-driven? A good place to start is to ask what the Bible says about self-love. Here you will find the right answer, the right mindset, and the right approach to understanding how to engage in self-love.
In the Gospel of Mark, one law teacher asked Jesus what the two greatest commandments were. Jesus responded:
“‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength.’ The second is this: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ There is no commandment greater than these.” (Mark 12:30-31)
The first commandment is clear and straightforward. Love God first and love him most. However, if you read too fast, there is an easily missed truth in the second one. The second commanded has an expectation built into it that you will love yourself. Therefore, self-love is a necessity; it is the condition on which love for your neighbor is built. Jesus is telling you to love your neighbor in the same manner as you would love yourself. In essence, he is permitting you to engage in self-love.
Whether you realize it or not, self-love is a natural part of who we are. We are all built with the capacity and instinct to practice self-love. If you don’t believe me, here is some basic evidence of this inborn trait. Let me ask you a few questions. Do you take a shower? Do you brush your teeth and comb your hair? Do you attempt to dress as nice as possible, making sure your clothes look right on you? You do these things because you care about yourself. No one should feel guilty because they take a shower before they leave the house. It is expected because part of self-love is self-care and self-preservation. When a person fails to practice these things, they become the outlier. However, while it is necessary to take care of yourself, the problem arises when it moves from necessity to obsession.
As I mentioned earlier, anything taken to an extreme can become dangerous. The Bible warns us about going overboard in our practice of self-love. When your self-love head gets too big, you can run into the problem of thinking you are better than, higher than, or more important than someone else. People who have an elevated opinion of themselves practice self-love at a dangerous level. The scary part is this potential dwells in all of us. It’s why the Bible is constantly reminding us to view ourselves from the right perspective. Consider what the Bible says about self-love in these verses.
“For by the grace given me I say to every one of you: Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you.” (Romans 12:3)
“Do you see a person wise in their own eyes? There is more hope for a fool than for them.” (Proverbs 26:12)
“If anyone thinks they are something when they are not, they deceive themselves.” (Galatians 6:3)
The Bible is teaching us that loving yourself is not the problem, but loving yourself too much is.
Since extreme self-love is the problem, how do you know when you are at the tipping point of going too far? Thankfully the Bible gives us some guidelines to help.
“For everything in the world—the lust of the flesh, the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life—comes not from the Father but from the world.” (1 John 2:16)
Within this verse, the Bible directs us on how to manage and recognize extreme self-love. The key is to get to the heart of why. What is your motivation behind what you are doing? Again, this can become a very subtle yet potentially slippery slope. For example, there is nothing wrong with saying I want to look my very best today. True self-love would almost require it. It becomes extreme when you say I want to look better than everyone else today. This mindset causes you to slip from self-love to pride because your desire is not to be the best version of you in Christ. You desire that your version of you be better than everyone else’s. I hope you can catch the subtleties. This goes back to thinking you are better than, higher than, or more important than someone else. This was a problem the Pharisees and teachers of the law had in Jesus’ day. Here is what Jesus said about them.
“Everything they do is done for people to see: They make their phylacteries wide and the tassels on their garments long; they love the place of honor at banquets and the most important seats in the synagogues; they love to be greeted with respect in the marketplaces and to be called ‘Rabbi’ by others.” (Matthew 23:5-7)
This was self-love at its most extreme. They only cared about their image and how people saw them.
Self-love will motivate you to be your very best in every situation, and this is good and healthy. I would even add this is commendable. However, the underlying motivation behind extreme self-love is to show how much better you are than everyone else. Here self-love becomes destructive. Those who seek to do their very best will find satisfaction in who they are and what they do. The one striving to be better than everyone else will never be satisfied. It all goes back to the why behind what you are doing.
“Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourselves.” (Philippians 2:3)
When you think about what the Bible says about self-love, you recognize this is a balancing act between loving yourself and not loving yourself too much. Let’s go back to what Jesus said earlier: “love your neighbor as yourself.” If you need a legitimate reason to practice self-love, let me give you one: so you can love others. How can you love your neighbor as you love yourself if you don’t love yourself? For this reason, you should engage in self-love. But how does that look? Here are some things that fall under self-love that you should incorporate into your life.
1. Spend time alone with God; Get proper rest
2. Take a vacation; Visit a spa to relax
3. Eat right; Exercise
4. Read a good book; Take up a hobby
5. Go back to school and further your education
I could go on, but I think you are beginning to get the picture. You can do these things, which are all part of self-love, and you don’t have to feel guilty about any of them.
When you walk away from this article, keep this thought in your mind. Self-love is necessary, healthy, and good for you. Just don’t go overboard. View yourself and others with the right perspective and ensure your self-love does not turn into self-centered love. The better you take care of yourself (self-love), the better positioned you are to care for others. So go ahead and love yourself. Just don’t love yourself too much.
Photo Credit: © Unsplash/elisa-ph
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