What does the Bible say about fathers? God tells us He is our Heavenly Father. He designed us to be born into families and raised by parents. How our earthly fathers related to us affects much of how we relate to God as Father. We know the ideal, yet we’ve also experienced the reality of faulted fathers and broken families impacted by individual and societal sin. What help does the Bible give us in understanding His design of fatherhood? How can we recover from fathers who didn’t even come close to His design?
What Does the Bible Say about a Father’s Love?
God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit have always been in perfect relationship and always will be. When God created us, He immediately invited us into relationship, too—first with Him and then with one another. Adam and Eve, male and female, were made in God’s image. There was an ease of relationship between Adam and God. There was an openness and ease of relationship between Adam and Eve. This was all as God intended.
Of course, what happened next was that sin entered the world when Adam and Eve disobeyed God’s commands. Sin immediately altered their perfect relationship with the Father and one another. Neither would their children or their children’s children escape the impact of sin. Their first son, Cain, killed their second son, Abel. Eve then had Seth, and through Seth would come the line of the Messiah, Jesus, who would reconcile us to the Father and one another.
We were always meant to live in harmony with our Heavenly Father and one another. Relationships built on love, trust, and faithfulness were His idea. His plan included children raised by fathers and mothers who reflect God. This is how children would learn of Him.
Much of what we understand about fatherly love from the Bible comes from the way our Heavenly Father loves.
1. Our Heavenly Father is a perfect example to honor, respect, and model our lives after. In the same way, children should be able to look up to and emulate the lives of their earthly fathers. Proverbs 20:7 says, “The righteous who walks in his integrity—blessed are his children after him!” (ESV)
2. Our Heavenly Father desires relationships with us, relationships built on love. Like Him, earthly fathers are to love and build relationships with their children. Psalm 103:13 says, “As a father shows compassion to his children, so the Lord shows compassion to those who fear him.” (ESV)
3. Our Heavenly Father instructs, directs, and leads us in the right way to live. Likewise, earthly fathers are to teach their children and oversee their education in right living. Proverbs 1:8-9 reads, “Hear, my son, your father’s instruction, and forsake not your mother’s teaching, for they are a graceful garland for your head and pendants for your neck.” (ESV)
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 similarly says, “And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.” (ESV)
4. Our Heavenly Father sacrifices for us (John 3:16) and provides for us (Philippians 4:19). First Timothy 5:8 warns us, “But if anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for members of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.” (ESV)
5. Our Heaven Father disciplines us (Hebrews 12:5-6), but He does it with patience and compassion. Hebrews 12:7-10 issues this challenge:
“It is for discipline that you have to endure. God is treating you as sons. For what son is there whom his father does not discipline? If you are left without discipline, in which all have participated, then you are illegitimate children and not sons. Besides this, we have had earthly fathers who disciplined us and we respected them. Shall we not much more be subject to the Father of spirits and live? For they disciplined us for a short time as it seemed best to them, but he disciplines us for our good, that we may share his holiness.” (ESV)
In the same way, He expects fathers to discipline but not exasperate their children or be harsh. Also, Ephesians 6:4 cautions fathers, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.” (ESV) In Colossians 3:21, Paul wrote, “Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged.” (ESV)
Fathers have a high calling, but God has provided what they need to rise to this calling. Through their Heavenly Father God, because of their relationship with Jesus Christ and empowered by the Holy Spirit, every earthly father is equipped with what he needs to father his children.
What Does the Bible Say about Problematic Fathers and How Can We Honor Them?
Sadly, no fathers on earth are perfect. Some fathers are guilty of everything from abuse to abandonment. David wrote in Psalm 27:10, “For my father and my mother have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me in.” (ESV) David writes with assurance that His Heavenly Father will remain a faithful and good father, even if David’s earthly parents abandon or forsake him. We can trust this, too, for ourselves.
Even loving Christian fathers aren’t perfect, and they may get some things wrong, but 1 Peter 4:8 assures us, “Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.” (ESV) These kinds of fathers aren’t truly problematic, only human ones who make mistakes or occasionally sin and need forgiveness.
Problematic fathers are often a) living in defiance of God’s ways, b) passive or failing to invest in any of their relationships with either God, their children, or the mothers of those children, or c) actively choosing evil such as incest, abuse, neglect, or other heinous corruptions of fatherhood.
The Bible instructs us in Exodus 20:12, “Honor your father and your mother, that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you.” (ESV) That comes easily with imperfect fathers who still strive to reflect God’s love and parenting. But what if we have a problematic father? How do we honor him?
If we have a father like this, it doesn’t honor him for us to follow in his ways or continue to allow him to hurt us. We can set healthy boundaries—as King David did when Saul tried to kill him with a spear. David was a son-in-law to King Saul, and they had previously had a type of father/son or mentor/mentee relationship to that point.
First Samuel 18 records the moment King Saul turned on David. Not because of David’s behavior but because of what was going on in Saul’s heart and mind, Saul twice tried to kill David with a spear. In the following chapters, we learn that David put distance between them. David continued to live with integrity, honored Saul as king, refused to seek his own revenge against Saul, and did not rejoice when Saul died in battle. This is a wonderful example of how we can honor earthly fathers who have been harmful or destructive while setting healthy boundaries against abusive behavior.
In Christ, we can work through a process of forgiveness, even with fathers who aren’t repentant or who aren’t asking us to forgive. This forgiveness is for the benefit of our souls, not theirs. It frees us to move forward and heal. Forgiveness doesn’t mean we allow them to continue to hurt us. It means we leave revenge and judgment in God’s hands. It releases us from past hurts to move into a healthier future.
Fathers in the Bible
God records the lives of many fathers in the Bible, and not a single one lived perfectly. This should be an encouragement to all fathers. Men seeking to be godly fathers can read about men in the Bible and learn from the consequences of their choices.
Noah listened to God and worked hard to obey Him. Because of Noah’s righteousness, even surrounded by people who defied God, Noah saved his entire family. Fathers can learn from that to choose obedience and faithfulness.
At one point after the flood, Noah had too much wine. One son found him under the influence and exposed. This created a shameful situation that his other sons handled with grace. From this, fathers can learn that slipping into sin can harm their children and put them in positions where they shouldn’t find themselves.
David was often a passive or absent father, failing to call his sons out on ungodly behavior. As they grew older, his older sons rebelled, committed terrible crimes, and even tried to overthrow David’s throne. David learned many lessons, including how far-reaching his sins could impact his children. As he aged, perhaps he became a wiser father. Solomon, a son of his later years, ruled the kingdom with wisdom and reverence for God.
Jesus tells the parable of a father with two sons. One son demanded his share of the inheritance before his father died. The father yielded and gave his son what he asked. The son squandered the money on worthless living and decided at one point, finally, to return home. He hoped his father would at least allow him to work for him. When he was still “a long way off,” the father, who had been watching for him, ran out to welcome him home with open arms and a great feast. When the other son, who had remained with the father working faithfully for him, learned of this, he was grumpy and refused to join the feast, complaining that his father had never thrown a party for him. The father then told him, “Son, you are always with me, and all that is mine is yours. It was fitting to celebrate and be glad, for this your brother was dead, and is alive; he was lost, and is found.’” (Luke 11:31-32 ESV)
This story illustrates that our Heavenly Father is always waiting for us when we run from Him, but He is also ready to give His faithful, obedient children whatever we need when we ask. The father in the story wanted obedient children. However, he wanted relationships with them built on love, not solely based on what they expected to inherit.
A Great Prayer for Fathers
Dear Heavenly Father, help the fathers in our times to first enter into relationship with you by believing in and following Jesus. Help them know the breadth, depth, and height of Your love for them. Help them to see that they have all they need in Jesus Christ. By the power of your Holy Spirit, help them walk in your ways. Let them be righteous like Noah even when surrounded by unrighteousness. Let them be wise like Solomon to father well and navigate life. Let them be willing, like Christ, to lay down their lives for their families daily to serve, instruct, love, lead, and provide. Give them patience and joy, and let their children happily run into Your arms because they have known the wonder of a father’s love from their earthly one. In Jesus’ name, Amen.
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