What to Do When Your Spouse Feels Like a Roommate

Young kids, busy jobs, and church commitments left my husband and me as little more than two adults sharing the same house. We occupied the same space, talked in short directives like “she needs a diaper change,” “grab that will you,” “the van needs gas,” and filed jointly on our taxes, but our relationship was thread bare. The onslaught of needs started early with our two little girls bursting into our bedroom, and my attention shifted to caring for them as we moved through our morning routine. I could see Stephen brushing his teeth, eating his breakfast, and filling his coffee mug, but only through a haze of brushing hair, spilled orange juice and lunch making. Insert pre-school drop-off, work, pick-up, afternoon errands, loads of laundry and dinner-prep and by the time he arrived home in the evenings, I was toast. As an introvert who needs time alone to recharge, being with co-workers and children all day is especially challenging. At 6 pm, the inside of my head was roaring staticand I even had trouble stringing words into complete sentences. Bleary eyed, I looked longingly at quiet spaces in our house: my bed, the laundry room, even the bathroom, aching for solitude. But dinner and bedtime still loomed. We’d finish (or start) dinner side by side, but “how did your day go?” inquiries were always interrupted by crying children or burning bread. By 8 pm dinner would be cleaned up, and the kids would be in bed. But our emotional and physical energy was gone. The best we could do was sit side by side to watch television while falling asleep. Very romantic.

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