A Prayer When You Don't Have Any Friends
By Kelly Balarie
“The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, ‘Here is a glutton and a drunkard, a friend of tax collectors and sinners.’ But wisdom is proved right by her deeds.” – Matthew 11:19 NIV
Have you ever noticed – it is possible to be around people and to still feel lonely? It is possible to be around people-galore and to feel unknown, unheard, and uninterested. I hate that feeling. I suppose my issue is that I do not like small talk. Small talk feels empty, shallow, and worthless in the grand scheme of life.
“What do you do for a living?”
“Who cares,” I think.
Then and there, rightly or wrongly, I decide the conversation is boring. I suddenly have a strong urge to go to the bathroom. Why? Because I could care less how much money a person makes or what complaint about day they have or their thoughts on the food we are eating. Life is short; time is precious. I want real meaning. Yet, surface-level talk makes me feel as if I am wasting my time. It makes me think that my life would be better if I were somewhere else. Like sitting at home with an amazing book that enthralls me with its sage truth and sound counsel.
If I go a little deeper, though, I think there is something more there… Friends? Sometimes, I don’t feel like investing in people because I’m afraid they may let me down, leave me short, or hurt me. I suppose I exit early with people, sometimes… Peeling back the layers of my heart is much like peeling back an onion. I am lonely because of my own decisions because I don’t always endure or bear up with others, and because my search for real meaning is often self-righteous pride.
God, I’m sorry.
Jesus did not make friends with people who were just like Him; He was a friend “of tax collectors and sinners.” (Matt. 11:19)
In this Scripture, I notice that Jesus did not make friendship about Himself, but about them – the sinners. Jesus didn’t look at what was in relationship for Him, but He moved out with words, prayers and impact that always affected others.
Forgive me, Father, for being selfish in relationships.
Jesus was different than sinners but still got to know them. Do I?
Jesus was more holy than these people but spent time with them anyway. Do I?
Jesus didn’t relate to sinners on every level but still gave them a chance. Do I?
Often, I don’t. I’m impatient at times. But it gets me thinking – maybe I could do things a new way… I can give imperfect (or potentially nervous) people more of a chance. Rather than exiting stage left after 10 minutes of shallow conversation, I can ask questions that bring people deeper. I can go on the walk with the woman who has been asking and asking.
I wonder, what would it look like for you to do things a new way? To endure in a relationship? To bear up with others? To enter into a relationship even when it feels scary? To open up? Our movement forward in the face of fear is often God’s deep work that sets us free. Often, the people God wants us to love – and connect with -- are right before us.
Let’s pray:
Father, I am lonely. I know that I am not alone. Scripture says that Jesus “often withdrew to lonely places and prayed (Lu. 5:16).” Sometimes, the world does feel lonely. Sometimes, there are reasons why we are set apart from people. Sometimes, life’s circumstances keep us separated. Father, I ask you to restore meaningful relationships in my life. I ask you to bring the right people into my world. I ask you to help my heart be open to them. I ask you to give me a listening ear. Help me to be the sort of friend that you have been to me. I thank you for your friendship. I don’t want to be alone anymore. I want connection and relationship with others. Will you send me friends? In Jesus’ mighty name. Amen.
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