Preparing for Intimacy: Mind, Body, and Spirit
By: Vivian Bricker
"My beloved has gone down to his garden, to the beds of spices, to browse in the gardens and to gather lilies. I am my beloved's and my beloved is mine; he browses among the lilies." (Song of Songs 6:2-3)
Have you ever considered intimacy as something to prepare for, like a special event where everything needs to be "just right"? When planning a wedding, brides are particular in choosing their colors, candles, flowers, and music. They spend hours fixing their hair and makeup and putting on the perfect dress for the occasion. Not one detail is missing when they walk down the aisle to meet their groom.
Fast forward a few months, and the honeymoon phase gives way to the busyness of life, where wedding bells fade as alarm clocks blare. Intimacy becomes an afterthought, and couples soon find they have little energy to invest in the love and romance they once enjoyed.
Intimacy takes preparation—mind, body, and spirit. Here are a few ways to rekindle intimacy in your marriage again.
Prepare Your Thoughts
How often do you think about your spouse in a day? If you're like me, you have a lot on your mind, including work, kids, appointments, and responsibilities.
Our spouses often get our mental leftovers, and the thoughts we do have about them usually include complaints about their shortcomings. But as Solomon said in Song of Songs 2:14, "Show me your face, let me hear your voice; for your voice is sweet, and your face is lovely." In modern terms, he might have said, "Let's FaceTime during lunch or chat on the phone. I miss your voice and can't wait to see you."
Cultivating intimacy starts with thinking about our spouse—really thinking about them.
-Why we married them
-What attracts us to them
-The value they bring
-The fun you have together
Preparing your thoughts is the first step to enhancing intimacy and creating a closer bond with the love of your life.
Prepare Your Body
For women especially, body image prevents intimacy. On days when we feel frumpy or undesirable, we're likely to avoid physical contact or romantic gestures. That's why it's important to prepare our bodies for intimacy, reject insecurity, and enjoy our husbands freely.
Here are a few practical ways to prepare physically:
-Get your hair or nails done.
-Take regular prayer walks, praying specifically for your marriage.
-Take a relaxing bath.
-Buy a new set of pajamas that are both comfortable and flattering.
-Put fresh sheets on the bed.
-Dim the lighting.
-Turn your phones off.
With God's help, you can stop focusing on your physical flaws and start engaging intimately with your spouse. Yes, it takes effort, but chances are, even the smallest efforts will be much appreciated and reciprocated.
Prepare Your Spirit
Make no mistake—there is a spiritual battle going on, waging war against intimacy in marriage. The enemy knows that if he can diminish the closeness God designed, division will eventually build a chasm far and wide.
Prepare your spirit for intimacy by praying diligently for your marriage. Read through Song of Songs together, getting past the uncomfortable parts and discussing how God created sexuality to be enjoyed. Read helpful books such as "Now You're Speaking My Language: Honest Communication and Deeper Intimacy for a Stronger Marriage," by Gary Chapman. If things are still difficult, consider meeting with counselors who specialize in marital intimacy.
The battleground for oneness in marriage is ongoing, but with the right preparation, you'll have the ammunition needed to combat the arrows of the enemy. By preparing your mind, body, and spirit, you'll look forward to intimacy with your spouse once again, rekindling some of those honeymoon moments and creating new, better ones along the way.
Prayer:
Gracious Heavenly Father, please renew the intimacy in our marriage, rekindling our desire for one another. Help us prepare our minds, bodies, and spirits to enjoy the oneness You designed. Remove all inhibitions and insecurities, replacing them with an eagerness to explore new ways of connecting. Thank You for my spouse and the immense value he brings to our marriage. Help us slow down and prioritize intimacy, preparing for it as if we're planning a special event. I commit our marriage to You, Lord, and ask You to bless it. In Jesus' holy name, amen.
Related Resource: How to Make Your Prayer Habits Stick
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