This Is the Part When You’re Supposed to Laugh
By Lisa Lakey
Early in our relationship, one of us would tell a joke and the other would laugh. No matter how cheesy or not funny it actually was. But you do that sort of thing when dating.
During the newlywed phase, we kindly asked each other to explain jokes we didn’t get. Then we laughed politely. You do that sort of thing when you are newly married.
Yet the other day, my husband (of 15 years) gave me a peculiar look after I made a joke. “I don’t get it,” he said. So I explained it. “That’s not funny,” he replied. Ouch. Apparently, you do that sort of thing when you have been married a while.
To be honest, there have been plenty of times when I have looked at my husband and thought, What on earth was he thinking?!
To be more honest, he’s likely thought the same about me even more. We just don’t always get each other—quirks, dreams, emotions, jokes (even if that one-liner was hilarious—which of course it was).
This frustrates me, because I have a deep desire to be known by my better half (can you relate?). Having someone know me fully—not just getting my jokes, but knowing the deeper, darker sides of me—and not run away is the profound kind of love I want to experience.
But my husband is not always going to get me. No matter how close we are, our spouses won’t understand every thought behind every action, every emotion, every joke. Only One can do that.
First Corinthians offers a comforting reminder to those of us who feel discouraged when someone doesn’t get us. “For now we see in a mirror dimly, but then face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I have been fully known” (1 Corinthians 13:12).
We tend to see each other “dimly.” At least for now, anyway. But if you are frustrated with not feeling known, rest assured. There is One with whom you are “fully known.” And I bet He thinks your jokes are pretty funny. Maybe.
Do you know yourself as well as you think you do? Read “I’m Not an Expert on Myself.”
The Good Stuff: But if anyone loves God, he is known by God. (1 Corinthians 8:3)
Action Points: How could you make a better attempt to know your spouse? Next time you don’t understand where they are coming from, politely and lovingly ask them to explain their point of view. Create a safe space for your spouse to be who God created them to be, quirks and all.
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