The Best Love Letter
By Laura Way
Not to throw my husband under the bus, but when I need words of affirmation, I usually have to ask. In fact, a few birthdays in a row, I did ask for my gift to include a heartfelt note. Because with few exceptions, the only times he tells me I’m physically attractive to him is if I express my attraction to him. Or if I ask him about a specific outfit and he happens to like it (since he’s actually honest in his evaluations).
At one point, this bothered me. I don’t hate hearing I’m not bad to look at or that I’m an enjoyable person to be around without prompting. Right?
But now? It doesn’t bother me so much. Because I’ve learned a couple of things about my husband and how he operates, and I’ve learned to turn up the volume on the ways he does consistently show me how he feels.
He’s the kind of guy who’s quite content to research and read and sit with his thoughts (Enneagram 5, #iykyk). The flip side of this personality is that sometimes it’s hard for him to share his time, energy, and attention.
When I realized that, his choosing to give his time and energy to sit and talk with me became its own kind of love letter.
When he initiates conversation with me, listens to what’s on my mind, and wants to be close to me, it all speaks loud and clear: He wants me and cares deeply about me.
Not to mention the meals he cooks, the coffee he has waiting on the counter for me every morning (dude, that is sexy), the errands he runs, and the countless ways he steps in and serves me and our children—these all speak volumes about the way he’s choosing me, the ways he’s loving me.
If I don’t have weekly love notes or whispered sweet nothings on the regular, it’s really okay. The daily ways he shows me he’s thinking of me and cares for me spell out a love story that’s actually much more romantic than words on a page or a semi-robotic “Hey, Beautiful.”
Do you know about “The Three Ms of Love”? Listen to this episode of FamilyLife Today®.
The Good Stuff: Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. (John 15:13)
Action Points: How does your spouse show you love? If you catch yourself mentally listing the things they don’t do, make a list (mental or physical) of the ways your spouse considers, serves, sacrifices for you.
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