When Church Is the Hardest Place To Go
TAYLOR JOY MURRAY
Lee en español
“Then he turned toward the woman and said to Simon, ‘Do you see this woman?’” Luke 7:44a (NIV)
The day I left church midway through Communion, I’d sat in a sanctuary full of people but never felt more alone.
For a moment, I lingered on the edge of a pew, the ache inside of me so lacerating it hurt to breathe. I can’t do this. As everyone else partook of the bread and cup, I got up and left the room.
When we have experienced spiritual wounding, it can feel deeply disorienting. On that cold morning, my mind didn’t have words yet for my own story of church hurt, but my body reacted. This moment happened almost without my conscious awareness: My feet walked me to the closest exit.
Today, maybe you find yourself in a similar story. Perhaps you’re walking toward the exit of a church — or of your faith. Maybe you’re in a period of disentangling inherited views of God from actual God. Or perhaps you’ve come to see God through wounds inflicted by a faith community’s rejection or a leader’s abuse. When the hands that harm us belong to people who claim faith in Jesus, it can feel as if God is not good.
For me, one of the hardest questions to answer has not been “does God exist?” but “is God kind?”
As I’ve grappled with this question, one scene in the life of Jesus has gripped me. It’s just so beautiful. Jesus was having a meal with a Pharisee named Simon, and “a woman of the city, who was a sinner” entered Simon’s house with a bottle of perfume (Luke 7:37, ESV). Kneeling, she anointed and washed Jesus’ feet with her hair.
I’m captivated by this Jesus sitting at the table.
Who was He that a woman who was cast out by religious leaders like the Pharisees was willing to go into Simon’s house to be in Jesus’ presence and experience His grace?
I can only imagine the invitational pull of Jesus. The warmth. The compassion. The dignity. He is compelling and kind. He is a safe person to be with even in our fear and shame.
When the woman’s actions were met with Pharisaical contempt (Luke 7:39), Jesus turned toward her. He asked Simon, “Do you see this woman?” (Luke 7:44a).
In five words, Jesus turned away from empty religiosity and toward the vulnerable. He positioned himself away from a Pharisee’s power to be with a woman who felt small. Here, this woman saw her hurt and hope held in the tender hands of Christ.
You are never alone in the wilderness of your wounding. Jesus is the Wounded One who gave His life for you on the cross (1 Peter 2:24). He sees you. When prayer feels impossible, even His wordless presence can whisper the truth that He is still with you.
Dear God, I am hurt and scared. Help me remember that I don’t need to protect myself from You. You lead with love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
As Christians, how can we balance living purposefully while we’re here on this side of heaven with the reality that this world is not our forever home? Listen to Dr. Joel Muddamalle’s recent teaching on this topic called “What Is My Assignment From God While I Am Here on Earth?” Watch on YouTube.
Taylor Joy Murray’s book, Stop Saying I'm Fine: Finding Stillness When Anxiety Screams, blends therapeutic insight with spiritual truth to help you dig beneath the surface of your anxiety. If you want to better understand where your anxiety comes from and why, and if you long to learn a more compassionate approach to engaging with your anxiety, this book is for you.
ENGAGE
Connect with Taylor on Instagram. To learn more about Taylor, her books, her Faith & Feelings podcast, and other resources, check out her website.
In a recent episode of Faith & Feelings, Taylor hosted a conversation with a woman named Jennifer about her journey of healing from spiritual wounding. Listen to their conversation — “Am I Safe if I Trust God?” — on Apple Podcast and Spotify.
FOR DEEPER STUDY
Psalm 91:4, “He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection” (NLT).
Church is supposed to be the safest place to be. Sometimes it is not. Yet how might the God of Psalm 91 and Luke 7 bring healing to our spiritual wounds?
Have you ever felt like you need to protect yourself from God? What thoughts or emotions surface when you reflect on Jesus’ gentle and protective posture toward the woman in Luke 7?
We’d love to hear from you! Share your thoughts in the comments.
© 2024 by Taylor Joy Murray. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
