What We Need Most When We Feel Left Out
BETHANY MCILRATH
Lee en español
“I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you.” John 15:15 (NIV)
Distress obvious on her face, my 7-year-old pal from the after-school club I volunteered at ran over. Her best friend was playing with someone else. She could have joined them, but she was embarrassingly bad at the game, and all her emotions were in turmoil.
My heart wrenched for her. I was new to town and trying to fit in too. There was no reply from a prospective friend for a second coffee date. Everyone else I met was into activities that weren’t my thing.
I know what it’s like to feel left out. We all do.
We know what it’s like to feel lonely in a crowd. We know those turbulent longings both to be seen and to be hidden somewhere safe. Who hasn’t wrestled with a sense of betrayal, self-consciousness and rejection when we don't quite belong?
Sometimes we are intentionally excluded, but often we feel left out simply because the brokenness of sin spills into social dynamics — even in our best relationships.
But there's one relationship in which we’re never left out.
Jesus said to His disciples, “I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you” (John 15:15).
Through Jesus’ death and resurrection, He made a way for all of us to be His friends. By faith in Him, we are forever included in God’s family and are never alone — the Father has sent the Holy Spirit to be with us always.
Our permanent inclusion with Jesus isn’t based on our efforts to fit in with Him and His people. Jesus said, “You did not choose me, but I chose you” (John 15:16, NIV).
Friend, you are chosen by God. He knows all the things you’re self-conscious about — He made you! He knows your weaknesses, failures and frustrations and why you sometimes don’t fit in. Still, He chose you and chooses you! You are fully known and fully loved.
If you feel unnoticed, remember you are seen by your loving Father. If your friends accidentally leave you out of their conversation, talk to Jesus, who is always listening. If you aren’t sure of your place in a group and no one is helping you figure it out, ask the Holy Spirit for His help.
God will often show His love for you through others and through the joy of fitting into the community He has placed you in. But sometimes you’ll still feel left out. When you do, lean into Him. You always belong with Jesus, your ever-faithful friend.
Dear God, thank You for choosing me and including me in Your family. Thank You, Jesus, for being my friend. Help me lean into Your love and care when I feel left out, and please help me navigate relationships with others in a way that’s full of Your love. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
OUR FAVORITE THINGS
For encouragement for yourself and young readers you love, grab a copy of Abigail Gets Left Out by Bethany McIlrath. This short novel explores what the friendship of Jesus looks like in everyday life. It’s perfect for middle-grade readers ages 7-11!
ENGAGE
Meet Abigail, a funny, faithful friend who will point you and young readers you love to Jesus. Download free games and worksheets, and learn more about the Abigail series here.
Enter to WIN your very own copy of Abigail Gets Left Out by Bethany McIlrath. To celebrate this book, Bethany’s publisher will give away 5 copies! Enter to win by filling out the form here. {We’ll randomly select 5 winners and notify them via email by Monday, March 10, 2025.}
FOR DEEPER STUDY
John 15:16-17, “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you. This is my command: Love each other” (NIV).
How does knowing you are chosen by Jesus change the way you approach relationships in your life?
What’s one thing you can do today to love others as Jesus has loved you? Share with us in the comments!
© 2025 by Bethany McIlrath. All rights reserved.
Proverbs 31 Ministries
P.O. Box 3189
Matthews, NC 28106
www.Proverbs31.org
